


The Hummingbird and The Serpent

by salemology



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 7: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Draco Malfoy Needs a Hug, Enemies to Lovers, Good Theodore Nott, Gryffindors Being Gryffindors, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Hermione Granger is a Good Friend, Major Character Injury, Minor Original Character(s), Multi, Pureblood Culture (Harry Potter), Slytherins Being Slytherins, Theodore Nott needs a hug, Witches and Wizards
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-12 15:27:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 72,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29387001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salemology/pseuds/salemology
Summary: Winnie Buldstrode is hanging on a cliff's edge and refuses to fall, but Theodore Nott is determined to make her.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Original Female Character(s), Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Theodore Nott/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [georgeweasleys](https://archiveofourown.org/users/georgeweasleys/gifts).



THE CHOICE BETWEEN FALLING AND LETTING YOURSELF TRUST IS NEVER EASY.

When Winifred ( Winnie, absolutely do NOT call her Winifred ) Buldstrode was a child she trusted in most everything that came her way. She trusted that her family would always be there, that pure blood was greater than foe. She trusted that being a Slytherin was the greatest way to prove how powerful you are, she trusted that power was greater than anything else. 

But blind trust leaves you with a bleeding heart. 

She had been twelve and kicked to the curb for baring the colours of red and gold instead of green and silver. The trust that was instilled in her vanished in the flames as smiled turned into sneers, as love turned into hatred. Her world once full of colour, now bursted in black and white, trust and love was something she could no longer afford to place in others, her family shown her how little it was valued. 

By the time she was fifteen years old, she trusted — truly — only herself. She trusted that chocolate could get her through any horrid day, she trusted that when winter chilled her bones, spring would bring comfort and soft flowers. She trusted that having friends was something she could not do, simple acquaintances was better. Winnie Buldstrode could not be hurt by that. She built her scars into bookcases, book after book closing with each dream and wish she conjured. Trusting and loving herself was all she could afford. 

It was how she survived. 

She was fifteen years old when the world titled before her own molten eyes. When the world of secrets and hatred turned more real in the hands of a man with scorching red eyes and nails as sharp as needles. When her school she loved so well, turned into horror with the lines of a pink lady. Winnie Buldstrode was fifteen years old when her world twisted into grim and filth, when fear choked her clean of any courage she had.

She was fifteen and Theodore Nott became green in a world of black and white. A boy she hated since she was twelve, a boy she avoided despite his continuous flirting and gaze upon her. A boy she swore to never see, suddenly became everything she saw. 

Winnie Buldstrode promised to never trust again, but life has a mysterious way of turning your wishes against you. Before she knew it, Theodore Nott was the reason for her world being in colour again.


	2. I. the family disappointment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Buldstrode family has certain expectations; being a lion isn’t one of them.

𝕽ain trickled down like raindrops on the bitter cold window as Winnie Buldstrode fiddled with the wrapper of a chocolate frog that she had long since finished eating. Her feet were folded in front of her as she watched two raindrops run down the window, in her mind she was imaging them having a race to rim of the window. In the end, when the raindrop she wasn't counting on winning, won, the female huffed out a loud sigh. Tucking the empty wrapper in the pocket of her Gryffindor robes she had already slipped on since being on the train, Winnie took off looking for the one family member she truly cared about.

Family was a sticky situation for the eldest Buldstrode daughter, as a kid her parents had praised her with everything they had in them. They often made several comments on how proud they would be of her when she attended Hogwarts and got sorted into Slytherin. News flash! Their perfect, obideant daughter had found herself being sorted with the Lions. That entirely put a damper on their little angel, and before she knew it, she was suddenly the family disappointment and had been shunned by just about everyone. Ah, the sweet love of family, amiright? 

Winnie could honestly care less, ( okay she totally did care! Because she found herself habouring more than enough unresolved anger issues because of their sudden complete abandonment! ) and because she had already lost their approval, Winnie Buldstrode has started to spend her life doing everything and anything she can to be an even bigger disappointment! The five howlers she received had become a joke among the Gryffindor house, each of them waiting to see what horrors could be thrown upon her next. All the while, Winnie would eat her porridge and drink her hot chocolate as if a bloody card wasn't yelling it's head off right in front of her. 

But see, there was one person Winnie Buldstrode never wanted to disappointment in her family. That just happened to be Cordelia Flint, who ( unlike the rest of their family ) hadn't turned her back on Winnie when the blonde decided that things such as blood prejudice's and blood traitors didn't matter as much their family liked to think it did. Right now, Winnie figured her cousin could use some perhaps smiling faces, ( okay maybe, Winnie just needed to see a smiling face, she had just spent a full summer surrounded by people who hated her after all, so can you blame her? ) especially after her dumb of a boyfriend cheated on her. Winnie had begun to make numerous ways of getting her cousins now ex-boyfriend back when she stumbled upon her cousins compartment. 

Winnie had grown accustomed to seeing the aftermath of what too many Firewhiskey's can do to someone, her father after all spent far too many nights drinking away his sorrows and regrets. While Winnie could argue that she pretty much hated her father, she couldn't help but always lay out a glass of water and chocolate beside him for whenever he woke up. Even if he had no memory of it, or he continued to look at he with such a disgusted it often felt like her skin was burning. 

The female frowned softly, as she looked in on her cousin who looked to be sporting quite a headache and ( Winnie had to guess ) hangover. The blonde tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before turning towards the trolley she had walked past moments before. Quickly, she hurried over towards the elderly women dressed in bright yellow fabrics as she stood outside an compartment. 

"Two Chocolate Frogs and a water please," Winnie spoke gingerly as she pulled out five galloens from her robes, holding it in her palm as the women handed her the objects, before she smiled. Winnie thanked her quietly before turning back towards where her hungover cousin sat alone, Slipping inside quietly, she shut the door behind her before offering the overly grumpy brunette that looked equally annoyed as she noticed her walk into the room. Ah, family. 

"I bought you something eat," Winnie spoke matter of factly, holding out the Chocolate Frogs ( they solve everything ) in one hand and the bottle of water in another.

"I'm not hungry," Cordelia muttered bitterly as Winnie rolled her eyes, sighing before holding out the items further towards her. 

"Cordelia," she warned, raising an eyebrow. This was often a routine for the two cousins, — not the Cordelia getting drunk part, this was almost a firsts The routine of Winnie being there to take care of her while Cordelia put up a fight about it. Winnie held back the smirk that fought across her face as Cordelia's eyes met her own. Blue meeting brown as Winnie narrowed her eyes the same time Cordelia did, she was going to take the bloody items even if Winnie had to force her. 

"I said, I'm not hungry," the female argued stubbornly as Winnie only narrowed her eyes further in reply. Because she knew for a fact that this was a lie, this was a lie of all lies. Because if anyone should know anything about Cordelia Flint was that she loved to eat and was almost always hungry. 

"You're not serious," Winnie snorted, rolling her eyes as she only stretched out the items further out to the girl. 

"I am," Cordelia replied quickly as Winnie raised her eyebrow. 

"But you're always hungry," the blonde observed, titling her head as she waited for her cousin to give up the lie. They both knew where this would end, Cordelia giving in and letting Winnie take care of her. Even if Cordelia didn't want to, Winnie wouldn't give up anyway. With the brunette being the only person in the world she truly cares about, she poured all her caring nature onto her. "You practically eat my entire pantry when you come over!" 

"Am I not allowed to not want to eat, Winnie?" Cordelia argued as Winnie stared blankly at her, becoming quiet annoyed with the stubborn witch across from her. 

"You need to eat," Winnie snapped, narrowing her eyes as she stared at her cousin. "Take a bite of the chocolate before I shove it down your throat," she ordered sternly, holding the chocolate and water out further, daring her cousin to go against her. The female's features were stone as she stared at Cordelia, her eyes running over the girls pointed and tired face before suddenly remembering the fact that the girl across from her had just been cheated on. Sighing, her face softened as she frowned, "at least take a sip of water, you'll feel better I promise." 

Winnie let a small smile form across her pink lips as her cousin finally took the water, before rubbing her temples. "And how would you know that?" 

"I just have common sense, unlike someone I know," Winnie teased as she leaned back in the seat, relaxing as she crossed her legs. Being careful not to smush the Chocolate Frogs that still sat between her fingers. 

"Winnie!" Cordelia snapped, clearly not in any mood for the girls teasing motives at that time. Winnie giggled softly, grinning as she watched her cousin closely. 

"No but seriously, you're forgetting I live with my dad," Winnie spoke matter of factly, losing the smile that ran across her face as she spoke of her dad, a topic she tried to avoid everywhere she went. "Now drink." 

"I'm not thirsty!" Cordelia spoke quickly, glaring at Winnie who huffed in annoyance. If she didn't know any better, she would think her cousin was in bloody Gryffindor with how annoying she is. 

"Drink!" Winnie ordered, her eyes narrowing again as she stared at her cousin. Her shoulders untensing again as she saw watched Cordelia give in and drink the water, the blonde smiled smugly as she relaxed back against the seat once more. Her eyes floating to the window where rain continued to trickle down the glass, creating small pitter patters of noise through the compartment as she turned her attention back to her cousin, smiling knowingly as she noticed Cordelia drain the bottle empty. "Feel better don't you?" 

"No," Cordelia replied dryly as Winnie snickered softly, rolling her eyes and continuing to grin. 

"Just admit it, I was right and you were wrong," the girl spoke smugly as she watched the girl, her face staying in its smiling form. 

"Other way around, love, other way around," Cordelia grinned as she looked over at her, Winnie rolling her eyes as she hummed. The blonde opened her mouth to argue that was very much correct thank you very much! Her cousin was just a shitty sore loser. 

Expect, her words were cut off as the compartment door was opened. Winnie snapped her head towards it, her eyes widened twice it size as she stared at the smirking male in front of her. Dressed in a black trousers sported with a grey jumper and a signature wizard my cloak, stood Theodore Nott. His longer brown locks tickling his forehead as green eyes twinkled with mischief as they danced over her. The female groaned as she rolled her eyes, knowing it was too late to make a run for it. 

"Look who it is, my future wife!" His voice loud and booming as he grinned at her, quickly taking a seat beside her and dropping his arm over her shoulder. Winnie grimaced as she shook herself out from under his arm, squirming and slipping out and standing straight up just as the door opened once more. Winnie's lips were pulled into a thin line as Claire Tamashiro entered the compartment. Winnie's hand snapped up as she felt Theo's fingers try to hold onto it, she glared down at him as he simply winked it reply. 

"Oh god, not this again. Theo leave the poor girl alone!" Claire spoke sighing as Winnie sent the female a small thankful smile, knowing, however, her words were going nowhere. For the boy was hell bent on insisting he had a ten year plan to make him fall in love with her, so far it was failing. 

"No can do Clairo, that poor girl owns my heart and soul," Theo spoke dramatically as he placed his hands on top of his chest, right where his heart was. The female scowled down at him, his eyes meeting hers as she sighed rolling her eyes. Merlin help her.

"And that's my cue to leave," the female spoke as she let out a breath of air, walking around Claire and towards the compartment door. She grabbed the sliding door, stopping as her foot set outside into the hallway to look back at her hungover cousin, where she raised a pointed finger at her. "Eat the chocolate. Claire, make sure Cordelia eats. She was drinking last night, and—"

"Again?" Claire questioned, throwing her head over to look at Cordelia as Winnie rolled her eyes sighing. 

"Yes again. I'm leaving now, take care of Cordelia and let me know if she protests," she spoke, sending a glare towards her cousin as a silent warning to not even think about protesting. 

"One day, you'll fall in love with me!" Theo spoke quickly before she could leave, Winnie turned her attention towards the grinning male. Her lips pulling into a thin line as she narrowed her brown eyes at him. 

"And one day, you'll get your head out of your arse," Winnie spoke sharply as she glared at Theodore fucking Nott before swiftly turning and leaving the compartment as she made her way down to where she was sure her friends were sitting with a scowl on her face. Ever since their first year, Winnie had made numerous attempts had trying to avoid the brunet snake, and for her credit, the first two years of their school year she had managed to do just that. 

Until she didn't. 

Because apparently, after punching Draco Malfoy square across his ferret looking face, Theodore Nott was suddenly in love with her. Winnie had to argue that the brunet had a warped definition of things that made someone else fall in love with them, she was bloody well positive that she could never fall in love with someone just because they punched another person. 

Bloody fucking wizards. 

The female blew out a sharp breath of air from between her nostrils, pushing open the door to the compartment as her red and gold robes swirled past her legs, exposing the black skirt she was sporting. Inside she had her white blouse tucked neatly into the edge of her skirt, Gryffindor tie done neatly as she let herself fall down next to Parvati Patil. The girls hair plaited in a braid, her hands holding Witch Weekly as she raised an eyebrow at the female. 

"Oh no, you have that I'm gonna kill Theodore Nott face on, what did he do?" Lavender Brown teased as she fastened a grin across the gloss on her lips, bright blue watching with amusement as Winnie threw her a glare. 

"I do not have a look designed for Theodore Nott!" The girl snapped defensively as Sue rolled her eyes from across from her. 

"Actually you do, it looks particularly different from you, I'm gonna kill everyone look," Parvati spoke matter of factly as she nudged Winnie with her elbow, the blonde's lips falling into a wide gapped look. 

"Yes well, I just happen to think there's enough idiots in this world, especially the male population," Winnie frowned, raising her chin defensively in the air as she heard Lavender snort from across the compartment. Her dark skin glowing in the haze of the sun trickling in through the dark grey clouds outside the Train, her fingers outstretched as she painted her nails bright pink. 

"I just happen to think he's quite cute, he always tries something new to get your attention," Lavender grinned as she bit her lip slightly, Winnie rolling her eyes at the blonde as she scuffed. Theodore Nott was anything but cute, he was a bloody menace that was the reason for half her fucking headaches. 

"Not only is he cute, but his arse looks incredibly good in trousers," Parvati giggles slightly, closing her magazine as Lavender smirked, nodding in agreement. Winnie wrinkled her nose at the two girls, cursing the sudden image of Theodore Nott's arse in anything. "What was it this time?" Parvati questioned softly as she titled her head to look at her.

It was also important to note, that the two girls she found herself currently sitting with, was not her friends! Winnie Buldstrode did not have friends. No matter how kind ( bloody annoying at this moment in time ) they were, Winnie Buldstrode just didn't have friends. 

"The usual, future wife shit. As if!" The girl spoke disgusted as she glared daggers into the carpet on the floor. 

"I just happen to think it might just work out for him," Lavender spoke matter of factly as Winnie let a gasp left her pink lips, eyes going wide at her friend in disbelief.

"Are you gone mad? Me and Theodore Nott? Never in a million years!" The girl snapped, eyes wide as Lavender simply smirked, blowing slightly on her nails as she raised an eyebrow.

"Oh really? Wanna make a bet?" The girl questioned as Winnie simply blinked, she could not be serious right now! Her hazel eyes flickered to Parvati, who was eyeing them both with a knowing smirk. Winnie huffed in annoyance, suddenly wishing she found Dean and Seamus instead. ( They both were bloody annoying with quidditch talk, but at least they didn't try to set her up. ) 

"Fine, only because I know I'm going to win," Winnie argued, looking back at Lavender who only giggled in reply. The blonde ignoring the way her stomach twisted in annoyance, the girl was so smug and sure, it was anything but pleasant and downright a little insulting. She had not spent the last four years hating Theodore Nott just for her friends to say she'll end up with them, honestly! 

"I bet you ten galloens that you'll end up with Theodore Nott by the end of this year," Lavender challenged as she stuck out her hand, smirking smugly as her bright eyes watched Winnie. The blonde fastened her lips into her own smirk, before placing her hand in Sue's, shaking it and sealing the bet. 

"You're going down Brown," the girl spoke proudly, removing her hand from Lavender's and leaning back against the seat. Crossing her arms across her chest as it was her turn to smirk smugly, only to have Lavender share the same equally smug smirk on her dark features. 

"Mhm, we'll see about that, Buldstrode," Sue drawled clucking her tongue across the roof of her mouth as Winnie held back the surprise look that sparked across her face. The smug look across Lavender's face was slightly alarming, she brushed it off at the fact that Lavender loved to see romance in almost everything. With a frightening realization, Winnie realized she most likely just threw herself into a bet she could win. And she would be damned if she didn't, because there was absolutely no way in Merlin would she ever be kind to Theo, let alone be with him. 

It was just absolutely bonkers! 

Winnie thought the very same fact as she climbed into a carriage after leaving the train, she had been blindly following behind Dean and Seamus this time, ( she didn't even notice when they moved to almost hold hands and then think better of it. ) when suddenly she was pushed out of the way as Zacharias Smith crawled into the very last spot on the carriage the boys had just crawled into. It took all her wit and self control to not square off and punch him right there. She had never had a problem directly with the blond, she only knew him because her cousin had decided to go off and date the git. ( She has told Cordelia multiple times that the boys of Hogwarts were just a bunch of slimey idiots, and she was quite right! ) 

But Zacharias Smith has become her enemy the day he dared to cheat on her cousin, while Winnie would argue that she hated her family until she was blue in the face, Cordelia Flint was the expectation to that rule. So now, the blond arse of a boy, had a big red 'X' drawn across his body and unfortunately for him, Winnie just happened to excel in getting revenge. 

The female couldn't help but be in quite the sour mood as she sat with her arms crossed tightly across her chest, her mind racing between how much she hated Theo and how exactly she was going to make Zacharias wish he was never born. Her lip slipped in between her teeth as she waited for her carriage to be filled, as she felt the carriage shift as more people entered, the female let out a groan rolling her eyes. Apparently she did something to make him Godric Gryffindor quite displeased with her, for luck was anywhere but on her side that evening. 

Her lips pulled into a scowl as she saw her sister crawl into the carriage, sitting across from her without even throwing her one single glance. Winnie watched with tight slit eyes as her sister broke out into conversation with Tracey Davis, the two girls sitting on the same side as laughter left their lips. The female hadn't noticed the way Daphne Greengrass and Astoria Greengrass climbed in from beside her, each ignoring her equally as much as her sister. 

But Winnie's attention wasn't on the other girls, her eyes were trained only on her sister. Daring her to look at her, daring her to pretend she didn't exist. Everyone else could just fine, everyone else could pretend they didn't use to run in the fields together as children. That at one time, she was just like them. Expected to be a slytherin, expected to believe in such blood supremacy lines, but Winnie Buldstrode didn't want to be like everyone else. She had always felt like her skin was crawling when attending dinners with her family, when everyone spoke so lowly of muggleborns that Winnie had come to admire. Her moment of both exile and freedom happened at two different times. 

She had begun the family disappointment when she found herself being sorted into the house of the Lion rather than the Snake, and as much as it had hurt her to see her sister look at her as if she was someone else, she had also never felt more free. Free to grow her own opinions and left a live without the overbearing taunts and cruelty of her parents. She was a halfblood for crying out loud! Why the hell did it matter if she didn't believe in blood supremacy or wear the colours green and silver? Bloody hypocrites. 

But the action that made her exile happen so sweetly, was her defending Hermione Granger in front of Draco Malfoy. In the eyes of her family had been the wrong move, defending a Mudblood and betraying her family. In her eyes, it was the right thing to do. She expected her family and parents to grow cold around her, she never had a doubt about it, but her sister? Her sister was the one she didn't expect, she was the cold knife twisting in her back and drawing crimson in the form of tears.

She didn't know who Millicent Buldstrode was anymore, she was a girl who tried too hard to gain approval from their parents. Who tried so hard to just be perfect when Winnie already saw her sister had perfection. It was both heartbreakingly sad and annoying to see, the way her sister would prance around her parents as if they put the stars in the sky, as if they could never do any wrong. Winnie use to think that too at one point, but after they so cruelly started treating her over such stupid things, she no longer saw the good, only the great horrible that choked them inside out. 

Her sister hadn't looked at her once during their short ride to the castle, and each minute that ticked by hearing her carefree laughter only made her sour mood worsen. Her fingers stayed wrapped across her arms as her foot begun to tap incredibly, anger bubbling around her like a halo causing the tips of her hair to flicker slightly. She felt Daphne shift further away from her, and it took everything in the young girl not to scuff. Instead she waited, kept her mouth shut like a lock key, sitting still as the girls moved out of the carriage until finally she couldn't take it anymore. 

"You're a bloody well stupid coward!" The girl shouted, her voice sharpening as she grasped her sisters wrist. Keeping her still as Millicent snapped her head to finally look at her, her eyes wide and pink lips opened to gape at her. "You can't even look at me! I'm your sister!" The girl added, her eyes searching the girls face as Millicent's lips turned into a scowl as she tugged her wrist away. 

"Hardly," the girl muttered as she climbed out of the carriage, the glowing lights from Hogwarts illuminating them as others emptied their carriages. 

"What's that suppose to mean?" Winnie spoke defensively as she climbed quickly out of the carriage behind her. Usually, Winnie was quite able to keep her temper under control. She was more than able to deal with her deranged sister and her blind belief in her parents, but added in with the fact that her friends seemed so hell bent on her being with Theo, and Zacharias Smith being the arse he was, Winnie felt like her anger was will justified. 

"I think you know exactly what it means Winifred," Millicent snapped, as she whirled around to face her older sister. Who was born in the same exact year, just nine months before her, a fact that her parents always seemed to use against them when they were children. When Winnie was seen as the perfect child and Millicent was the child who could always do better. "Mother and Father are finally seeing me for who I am, and I'm not going to ruin it by being nice to you!"

"You don't speak to me because of that?" Winnie spoke in disbelief, her lips widening as she stared at her sister. She was jealous! "Are you bloody serious? You're seriously more dumb than I thought. News flash sister dearest, they're only paying more attention to you because I failed them. What do you think would've happened if I believed them blindly? Huh? Who do you think would be their favourite again? I have a funny feeling it would be me," the girl snapped, stepping closer to her sister who was staring daggers at her like cold ice. "Keep their bloody fucking affection, believe me, you'll regret having it, they'll turn you into a fucking monster," she finished scuffing. Throwing a dark glare over her before turning her head, looking at the group of people who all stood watching the scene. The female rolled her eyes once more, muttering a typical under her breath just a sharp pain overtook the right side of her face. 

Winnie stumbled backwards, her eyes wide as scorching pain overtook her face. Almost instantly she felt arms wrapped around her, holding her up as her hand fell to the blind red mark that was slowly growing across her cheek. The brunette looked up towards her sister, watching as the girl stood breathing heavily through her nostrils, her hand still raised from where she had slapped her. 

"You fucking bitch!" Winnie yelled, moving to grab her wand just as it was slipped out of her robes and into the hands of her cousin who had quickly come to the middle, her own wand held out in front of her as Winnie's wand landed safely in Cordelia's other outstretched hand. "Cordelia, give me my wand! Give me my wand!" Winnie yelled, fighting against whoever was holding her back as Cordelia sent her a glare before moving to step in front of her. 

"I think it's time to just turn around and leave Millie, believe me you don't want Theo here to let go of her," Cordelia's words thumpled out in such a calm and controlled manner it was no wonder why she was sorted into Slytherin. Winnie, however, was more focused on the who exactly had her arms pinned behind her back and was restraining her from moving. Her head moved sharply to the side, looking up to encounter a grinning Theodore Nott. His brunet locks falling across his forehead as deep green eyes stared down at her. 

"Oh Merlin help me," the girl muttered sourly as she rolled her eyes, her lips pulled into a grimace as she fought against his hold on her wrist. "Would you let me go?" The argued sharply, she could hear Cordelia yell that the show was over and everyone should carry on with their bloody business. 

"Can't sweetheart, I'm not sure how I feel about you killing someone here tonight, though you look pretty hot when you're mad," he spoke winking as the girl continued to scowl up at him, fighting against his hold tighter. 

"Oh let her go Theo, you big flirt," Cordelia spoke cutting in as Winnie turned her attention to her cousin who was grinning like a cheshire cat. The female's lips fell open but quickly closed as Theo let go off her, Winnie quickly stepped away from the brunet who was now dressed in green and silver robes for his house. "Haven't even been here one day and you just had to get punched?" Cordelia questioned amused as she reached over and linked her arm with Winnie. 

"I see you're feeling better," the girl muttered, holding out her hand as Cordelia placed her wand in it. "Maybe I should've have helped you, maybe you would've let me send her a least one hex then. My bloody fucking sister," the girl scowled bitterly as they walked into the castle. Winnie's anger almost admittedly vanished as she saw the glowing lights that trickled into her. Her shoulders lightened as she sighed happily, her hazel eyes traced the moving portraits and the stone of the building, feeling a sense of happiness and comfort she only ever felt when in the walls of Hogwarts. She was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UHM HI, i’ve never posted on a03 before and i’m slowly moving my work here form wattpad. because well ... have y’all heard of the wattpad purge with fics lately? uhm yeah! 
> 
> so anyway, this book is prewritten up to chapter thirteen! i’ll be posting each chapter as I write them <3 this book is also a side along piece in another book written by georgeweasleys !! her character is cordelia flint, so feel free to check that out when she has it posted here!


	3. II. the ‘x’ on zacharias smith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winnie Buldstrode makes a date with detention, and Muggle books.

𝖂innie Buldstrode was practically walking on air the next morning when she awoke, after listening to a particularly ugly pink toad last night before she headed to her four-poster, she needed something to life her spirits. Unfortunately — fortunately for her — for Zacharias Smith, her spirits seemed to be lifted by planning a revenge act on him. 

She had spent most of the night beyond the curtains of her bed, her legs crossed as she dived deep into her charm books. Winnie has thankfully saved a drop of a potion she had made last year when the Weasley twins dared her she couldn't pull a prank on them. Winnie had took the great deal in proving them wrong one morning when she pretended to talk to Hermione Granger about how vile Rita Skeeter is, she slipped a drop secretly into the twins juice. Only for them to look up at each other to see the words 'Second' across their foreheads in violet ink. Winnie had grinned and winked at them before trailing back to her seat, feeling quite pleased with herself. 

It was the same feeling she had planned to feel by the end of breakfast that morning, despite the fact that she had gotten perhaps three hours of sleep, Winnie Buldstrode was practically skipping down the Great Hall. She grinned wickedly as she took her seat next to Parvati Patil, who looked up furrowing her eyebrows at the brunette. "What did you do?" The raven haired girl questioned, her bangs swifting across her forehead as Winnie shrugged. 

"Why dear would you ever think I did anything?" Winnie questioned innocently as she grabbed a piece of toast for himself, grabbing the bottle of marmalade and spreading it across her toast.

"Because you have that I'm up to something face of yours," Parvati peered, pointing a finger in her face as Winnie innocently took a bite out of her toast, Padma's eyes darkening as the girl snorted. 

"Relax dear, you'll get wrinkles," Winnie drowned, jutting out her lip as she moved to tuck a fallen hair that fell out of her messy bun. 

"Winnie is up to something," Parvati drawled smirking slightly as she took a bit out of her toast. Winnie gasped, rolling her eyes as Lavender looked over at her with a grin.

"Oh? And what are you up to dear Winnie?" Lavender questioned wiggling her eyebrows as she poured herself a bowl of cheerios, Winnie shrugging as she continued to quickly eat her toast, taking bigger bites as Parvati grimaced. 

"I don't understand how you don't choke on such big bites," the tanned skinned girl frowned as Winnie simply shoved the last bit of her toast in her mouth. Her hazel eyes catching on a sight of a blond haired hufflepuff that entered the room. The girl swallowed thickly, pushing herself up from the table as she grinned. 

"I'll be back," she winked, as she heard Parvati mutter a I told you so, as she walked away. Winnie looked over towards the Slytherin table, making sure her cousin was there, once she spotted a familiar brunette head of locks, she grinned and continued her walk towards the blond git of a male. 

Oh this would be sweet.

"Hello Zach, how are you this morning?" Winnie spoke, her voice masking to one of ice that she had seen her mother use so many times before when speaking to a certain target. She may never do anything to ever please her mother, but she sure as merlin could use her mothers tactics to her use. 

"Uhm, hello?" The blond questioned, his eyes flickering to his friends that flanked around him, Winnie pushing herself in between Zach and a female she didn't recognize. 

"Oh you don't want him sweetie, he's a cheater," she grinned, tapping the girls shoulder as she giggled. Watching as the redheaded girl's eyes widen, before she narrowed her eyes at Zacharias. Oh this was just perfect. Winnie turned her attention back to Zacharias, who was still staring at her, his untouched coffee and cereal in front of him. "Now, you didn't answer my question," the girl frowned, tilting her head. 

"I'm sorry?" The boy questioned as Winnie pouted, sighing dramatically as she tsked. 

"Oh dear, you're pretending to be clueless, that's cute," Winnie smiled, her lips titling up but not touching her eyes like it usually would. "I said, how was your morning, Zacharias?" The girl questioned again, batting her eyes, her elbow leaning further on the table, slyly towards his coffee.

"Er, fine. Why are you here Buldstrode?" Zacharias questioned as Winnie smiled, titling her head again. Watching as the males eyes narrowed in confusion at her, his blond hair swiping across his face, his nose jutting out further from his face as his lips pressed into fine line. Winnie inwardly held in a grimace, she couldn't tell if he just looked like a gremlin or she just saw a cheater on his face. 

"Oh we're back to last names? I thought we were closer than that, you know, you dated my cousin," the girl grinned, narrowing her eyes only slightly before she fake gasped, pressing her hand to his arm and squeezing. "Oh wait, until you cheated on her, right. How's Greengrass?" The girl seethed, before her hand flicked and she accidentally knocked over his coffee that spilled across the table and rolled over into his lap. The boy yelped, his eyes shouting a glare at her as she giggled shaking her head. "Oh my bad, so clumsy," she grinned, taking out her wand to mumble a drying spell on his pants. "Let me pour you a new one," she sighed, grinning as he continued to stare glares at her. His friends watching her closely as she slipped her wand back into her robes, carefully slipping the small vile of potion into her palm and keeping it covered.

"It's fine, I got—" Zacharias growled, clearly annoyed with the girl as she slapped his hand away from his mug with her free hand.

"It wasn't a request darling," she tsked winking, letting her lips pull into a small sneer before she picked up the coffee and poured in the deep brown liquid into his mug. "Two sugars correct? Cordelia use to tell me all about you, she quite loved you, you know." The female frowned, jutting out her lip as she casted a look at the blond. Watching him sheepishly look away, his face reddening. "Pity, you'll never find someone as good as her. Can't say I feel bad either, she's better than the both of us. She deserves someone that isn't a coward like you—"

"I'm not a—" she threw a sharp glare over towards him, as she plopped two sugar cubes into the mug. His friends had started to move away from the two, growing uncomfortable sitting so closely, but sitting close enough so they could hear.

"I'm speaking," she snapped, shutting the male up quickly before she let her all too sweet smile move over her face again. "I'm sure Daphne is a very nice girl, I grew up with her you know, well before my family decided I was such a wreck. But she isn't Cordelia, you shouldn't have done that Smith, quite disappointed in you." She tsked, shaking a finger in his face before picking up a spoon to stir his coffee, at the same time she clicked open the stopper to the vile, letting two drops of the clear liquid to drop in the mug, covered by the sleeve of her robe so nobody saw. Sighing, she shoved the mug over towards him before she stood, her hand slipping the vile back in her pocket before she placed a hand on his left shoulder. Her nails digging in slightly to the skin on his shoulder as she leaned down, "I may be Gryffindor Smith, but I was raised by Snakes, stay away from Cordelia, or believe me, you'll regret it." Her sweetness was vanished as cold bitter words replaced her tone, she felt him tense in under her touch and she smiled. Patting his shoulder she stood up straight again, "relax, wouldn't want to get wrinkles now would we?" She grinned before walking back over to her table. 

Winnie retook her seat next to Parvati, who was staring at her in a mixture of confusion, an eyebrow as she watched Winnie, who poured herself up a cup of hot chocolate. 

"What did you do?" Lavender questioned as she stared at her, blue eyes darting between her and the blond she just left, Winnie simply sipped slowly from her mug. 

"Just had a friendly chat with Zacharias that's all, " Winnie replied matter of factly as she smiled, her fingers curling around the white mug in her hands. "And I thought he could use a make over," she added as she saw Zacharias drink from his mug of coffee she had poured up for him. Git. Before the girls could question her what she meant, there was a loud scream from the Hufflepuff table. Silencing the chatter in the Great Hall as all eyes turned to the standing Hufflepuff boy, who was staring fumes at Winnie. His hair now a brilliant bright pink, sparking at the ends, as the words 'CHEATER' ran across his face in bright red ink. The blonde grinned, lifting her hand to give the boy a wave before her eyes turned to where she knew Cordelia sat. She could see the female from behind her as she twisted around in her seat,. Her cousins mouth opened in shock before her eyes met Winnie's, the Buldstrode cousin grinned wickedly, winking before she stood. 

"What a great way to start off classes don't you think?" Winnie questioned as she asked her friends who all stared at her, their eyes going between Zacharias who had ran out of the Great Hall and Winnie who appeared to be a child on Christmas morning.

———————————

𝖂innie had successfully earned two detention for her little stunt during breakfast, McGonagall had called her to her office and ranted to her on the importance of not changing other classmates hair colour. Winnie had bit back the words of thinking Zacharias had looked much better after she finished with him, but when she saw him in Transfiguration, she was all so disappointed to find he looked all plain once more. However, she did grin at the fact that he was making a point to not look at her in any manner.

Now, Winnie Buldstrode was walking into the Great Hall, her hands hurting from polishing so many trophies over the mast hour, a pitiful way to spend her first evening of classes, but still she didn't mind it. To see Zacharias' sour face was what made it all worth it, even more so as she noticed he had very much avoided her cousin all day. Still, the female trudged her aching hands on her side as she walked through the doors, spotting her cousin waiting for her as she usually did. Once Cordelia spotted her cousin, the two quickly made their way down towards the Hogwarts library where the would begin their usual studying hours together like they have every year. 

"Let me tell you, polishing trophies is an absolute pain in the arse," Winnie grumbled as her robes bellowed behind her. Her hair had fallen down with more strands around her face after all day, most of it still staying tied back in a bun on her head. 

"Just be glad you didn't have Snape or, hell, Umbridge. I heard she's brutal," Cordelia chimed in as Winnie grimaced slightly. She had detention three times before with Snape, each time Winnie found herself wondering what the hell made the man such a miserable arse all the time. However, she would still take that over being stuck with the ugly toad that was Umbridge. Who was the reason Winnie was carrying quite the ugly size of a book in her bag, as if she would learn to defend herself through reading. Bloody insane! 

"True, I think I would just go surrender myself to the Whomping Willow," the girl joked, snorting as the image of the angry tree she had once thrown stones at to see if it really was known to attack. It was, in fact, known to attack. The female had screamed, running away in a hurry as one of its branches reached out to smash down upon her. 

The two girls stayed quite for a few more moments, the sound of their feet carrying them through the halls of Hogwarts trickling around them. Winnie's fingers tapping against the strap of her bag as she saw Neville Longbottom quickly move past them, his hands holding a strange plant she had never seen before in her life. The male avoided their gaze, scurrying past them in a rush, Winnie frowned slightly at the act. She had grown quite use to people avoiding her, even if she was sorted in Gryffindor, people still seemed to be frightened of her because of her family. She made a mental note to say something nice to the male. 

"Hey, wanna talk about what happened in D.A.D.A?" Winnie spoke breaking the silence as she glanced at her cousin, the silence becoming a little too unbearable for her as they walked. 

"I hardly know what you mean,"Cordelia spoke matter of factly as she glanced at Winnie, the two girls continuing their walk as the moved onto a staircase that had just finished moving as they approached.

Winnie's eyed widen slightly as she stared at her cousin gobsmacked. She knew bloody well what she meant, their D.A.D.A class had been horrid enough, until Potter had decided to tell Umbridge that she was a crazy bint. ( Okay not exactly, but Winnie thought she was all the same. ) Then, out of all people, Cordelia had defended him. It wasn't a strange encounter to hear of Cordelia defending people, however, defending a Gryffindor, and then that Gryffindor being Saint Potter on the other hand was very much strange. "Merlin! You've never defended a Gryffindor before, are you feeling okay?" The female joked, reaching out to place her hand on her forehead as Cordelia smacked her hand away rolling her eyes. "Does my cousin like Saint Potter? Are we going to have little Potter babies running around in a few years?" The girl teased, nudging her with her arm as she laughed softly. 

"Don't be foolish! Of course I don't like Potter, I was just," Cordelia paused for a moment, scowling as Winnie noticed the way her cousins cheeks painted red like cherries. Interesting. "I just don't think he was in the wrong, that's all!" Winnie raised an eyebrow, grinning at her cousin before she heard another voice yell out to them, well Cordelia. 

"Cordelia! Wait up," Winnie looked over her shoulder, seeing Daphne Greengrass run towards them. Her Slytherin robes flowing out from beside her, as Winnie stiffened slightly. Turning swiftly around as she crossed her arms across her chest, furrowing her eyebrows as the girl stopped in front of them. 

"What do you want Greengrass?" Winnie snapped harshly, watching as Daphne frowned for a moment before she looked at Cordelia, dismissing the glaring girl. Winnie truly didn't have much against the Greengrass girl, nor towards her sister either. The Greengrasses weren't as stuck up the Dark Arts and blood purist arses like many other families, Winnie just simply held a grudge about the fact that this was the girl Zacharias cheated on Cordelia with. 

"Winnie, calm down," Cordelia sighed as Winnie turned to look at her, frowning before relaxing her shoulders. Keeping her eyes on the two girls as Cordelia threw a sharp glare at Daphne, waiting for her to continue. 

"Can I speak to you, alone. It's uhm, about Zacharias," Daphne spoke as she chewed on the inside of her cheek, her fingers twirling together. Winnie raised an eyebrow at the girls actions, watching as her eyes stared only at Cordelia, titling downwards like sad puppies almost as if she was pleading for the girl to talk to her. 

"You should go," Winnie spoke finally, placing her hand softly on Cordelia's shoulder and squeezing it comfortably. "Might be good to hear, her side." she spoke nodding her head towards Daphne who momentarily looked at her in shock. Winnie's smiled softly at Cordelia watching as the female stared at her, almost as if playing a fighting battle with herself in her mind before finally she nodded. 

"Alright Greengrass, lets go," the girl mumbled, smiling half heartedly before the two girls walked away, back towards the direction the two cousins had come from. Winnie sighed, blowing air out from between her lips before quickly moving her way towards the library again. The female smiled softly as she saw the wide, golden doors in front of her. Ever since she had started school, the library had become like a safe haven to her. When she wasn't in the company of her cousin, she was most likely here, hidden away in a crook as she studied or secretly read Muggle books. Reading muggle books had become sort of a fascination for her, while she knew that most things in the novels were fiction, it was still nice to know that if her parents ever knew about her reading such books, they would practically blow up. Winnie took great pride in knowing this, making her only wanting to read every Muggle book ever made. 

The female slipped in between the doors, the smell of parchment and coffee filling her nostrils almost instantly, she found herself sighing contently. This felt like home to her, if she could ever have the fortunate future of being happy and wealthy that so few people seemed to have, she would be sure to fill a good size of her home with a library. Filling it with as many books as she could, and when she would run out of room, she would build more space. Because as much as Hogwarts felt like safe place to her, the library was always so much sweeter. 

The female snaked her way to the back of the library, finding her normal wooden table that she had found during her first year. It was a small round table, right in between the Muggle romance books and the Herbology books. One side of the table say against a window that peered over the Black Lake, Winnie had spent many hours just sitting and staring out at the waters below. Occasionally seeing a finn or what she a tail of Merpeople. This little nook was one of the few places Winnie Buldstrode let herself be free, let herself smile, breathe and not constantly be burdened with the disappointments of her family. Winnie Buldstrode was simply herself here. 

The female placed her bag down on the empty chair beside her, pulling out her rolled parchment and ink, laying them gingerly on the table beside her. She pushed them to one side, deciding she would start doing her potions essay as soon as she was done seeing if there were any new Muggle books. She had to fuel her new growing addiction after all. 

The blonde stood briskly, her fingers running against the hem of the books as she approached one of the ladders that allowed her to climb upwards towards the higher shelves. Winnie chewed on her bottom lip as she walked up the ladder, when her eyes landed on black cursive writing. 'The Outsiders,' the female furrowed her eyebrows, taking the book gently out from between the stacks. Her eyes peering at the cover, flipping both sides over before she lifted the book to her nose, smelling it softly. An act that would most certainly be weird to anyone who saw her doing it, ever since she was a child she had the habit of smelling any new book she placed in her hands.

"I'm not sure if I find that attractive or just weird," Theodore Nott's voice rang around her ears as Winnie let out a yelp of surprise. The book in her hand dropping to the floor as her hands went to the ladder, holding herself still so she didn't fall back. The girl's eyes turned and narrowed at the male, who stood dressed in dark grey trousers, a white dress shirt tucked into them behind a belt. His green and silver Slytherin tie hung loosely around his neck, almost as if he had tempted to take it off but stopped, his body leaned against the row of Muggle books as he smirked up at her. "Smelling books, weirdly arousing." 

"You, you foul little," the girl sighed frustrated as she walked down the ladder, grabbing her book. Her face was flushed red in embarrassment as she stared hostility at him. Her arms wrapped tightly around her chest as she held the book to her. 

"Little? I promise nothing on me is little," he grinned, winking, as Winnie's mouth fell open her eyes wide as she stared at the smirking male in front of her. She snapped her mouth close, letting her feet carry her to walk up towards him, watching as his posture instantly stiffened and he stood up straight, looking at her with curious green eyes. 

"I find that very hard to believe, it's always the cockiest guys with the littlest," she paused looking down slightly before back a him as she raised her eyebrow. "Well, I think you can fill in the blank," she grinned, patting him on the chest before walking away from him and back towards her little table. She laid the book down, covering it up with her bag, not in any mood to have a conversation about how Muggle books are disgusting with the male right now. She didn't know what he thought personally, but she had seen his father enough through parties to have a suspension.

She looked up as she felt someone sit across from her, only to find herself staring into the vibrant green eyes of Theodore Nott. The girl frowned, sighing as she pulled her parchment in front of her, "is there a reason why you're here?" She questioned coldly, dipping her quill into the black ink.

"Can't a man just want to look at something beautiful?" He questioned, raising an eyebrow as he rested his chin on the palm of his right hand. 

"A man sure, a boy, however, no," she replied clicking her tongue on the roof of her mouth as she stared at him. Long forgetting her work in front of her as Theo furrowed his eyebrow, blowing out of a breath of air from between his lips. 

"You know, one day you won't do that," Theo spoke matter of factly as he leaned back in his chair. His long legs hitting hers as she scowled, tucking them up further behind her chair. 

"Do what?" She questioned, furrowing her eyebrows as she watched him cross his arms across his chest, his head leaning back against the wood of his chair 

"Pretend to hate me so much, one day you'll realize I'm not as bad as you think I am," he spoke, shrugging his shoulders as he looked back up at her. His lisp pulled into a frown as his eyes searched her face slightly, she sat, unmoving as she searched his own face. Surprise to see that there wasn't an inch of a joke across his features, and she found her lips pulling into the smallest of frowns. Theo sighed again, pushing himself back up before pushing in his chair. The female watched with slightly furrowed eyebrows as he turned to look at her once more, "I wanted to say that the stunt you pulled at breakfast, brilliant by the way. It took everything in me to not go punch the bloke when I saw him, but seeing him with pink hair and looking as embarrassed as he did, brilliant." He smiled softly, his eyes twinkling as he nodded his head towards her, before walking away, whistling as he did. 

The female sat with her fingers wrapped around her quill that was surely dripping blotches of black ink on the parchment. Theodore Nott had never surprised her, when she saw him picking on first years with Draco Malfoy, she wasn't surprised. When she saw him stand by and say nothing as Draco called muggle borns Mudbloods, she wasn't surprised. But this, Winnie was surprised, and the girl didn't like it at all. Her lips pulled into a frown as she stared down at the parchment in front of her, flashes of his smile twirling around in her mind. Winnie had seen him smile numerous times before, almost all laced with a cocky laugh or sentence, but this, this was real. Deep down, Winnie felt her face grow hot and her mind swirl with a realization.

Winnie Buldstrode thought Theodore Nott looked his best when he was truly smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t really have any notes right now, besides that updates will be random until after chapter thirteen! that’s when i’ll hope to have some type of schedule <3


	4. III. bloody theodore fucking nott

DAYS seemed to zoom by for Winnie Buldstrode, with her nose either stuck in a book, her wrist searing in pain from writing essays and studying whenever she could. Fifth year students — those who cared — had been nose deep in their studies for the first weeks of school, Winnie, wanting to be ahead of the game already made a studying schedule for all her classes. Which left her most evenings passed out with books thrown across her bed or ink marks covering her fingertips. 

Friday afternoon in the end of October found Winnie Buldstrode walking briskly down the halls of Hogwarts. She had spent the better part of her day fighting with procrastination, she had tried to study in the common room. Which failed greatly as the Weasley Twins approached her with a candy, and yes she was dumb enough to take one. She ended up in the hospital wing for the evening, trying to find a way to turn the colour of her skin back to pale whether than blue. 

All Winnie Buldstrode truly wanted to do was crawl away and never be seen again — and yes, she is dead serious about this, this whole school year has been a constant pain in the arse, and Winnie is quite sick of it! Now, Winnie has a list of exactly why she's wishes to disappear — hello, she has a list for everything! 

One. ) Umbitch has been nothing but an entire asswipe this entire few weeks. They have done nothing but read or write essays, which, usually Winnie wouldn't complain about any of that. Expect, their D.A.D.A teacher was quite literally the worst person alive. ( okay maybe not the worse, she is very much aware of You-Know-Who alive again, so really, she isn't the worse. ) Every day, Winnie enters the Defence classroom, hoping and praying to see anything but a splash of bright bubblegum pink clothing, and every single day, she is disappointed. Merlins Beard, how much can one person really like the colour pink! It's ghastly. It doesn't help the fact that Umbridge — Umbitch — is anything but a kind person, unless of course, you're a bloody Slytherin. The women gives a new person detention every class, Winnie swore she once saw the bloody witch give a second year girl detention for tripping in the hall. Tripping! The bloody nerve. 

Two.) Winnie's parents seems to be up her arse more than ever this year. She was quite surprised to see her parents Tawny owl drop a thick letter in front of her toast one day. She quite literally blinked at the parchment, and then asked Sue if she was seeing things. She was in fact not seeing things. Which, regardless, she was quite unpleased with the contents of the letter. Her family wishing for her to see reason, threatening to take away privileges of using the House Elves when she arrived home. Winnie outright laughed at that, as if she couldn't just go make her own food, she wasn't a stuck up prissy! The Ravenclaw girl had written back telling them she was quite fine with her beliefs, only to have an owl arrive a week later with safe regards for her year and to see her during the Christmas holidays. Winnie really couldn't figure out what her parents were playing at, and she really ought to tell them to stick their fucking threats and wishes up their bloody arses. 

Three.) This was probably the worse of all, no, it was the worse of all. Theodore bloody Nott couldn't get out of her fucking head. She really quite hated that, the brunet male had somehow managed to be wherever she was. Winnie was nearly always able to spot him in a crowd, smirking and laughing like he owned the world. Winnie Buldstrode just happened to think that maybe he taught he did. The afternoon in the library had been stuck in her mind like a record player. His words repeating until she swore she could recite them in her sleep, 'one day you'll realize I'm not as bad as you think I am.' Did she really think he was that bad? Yes. Why? Because he was an ignorant arsehole who made it his lives mission to appear whenever she was. Simply stating it loud and clearly for the world to hear that he was sure, she would be his wife one day. As if! And yet, Winnie couldn't help but watch him when he wasn't looking, Theodore Nott was a puzzle she couldn't quite understand. 

Ever since Third Year, he had been nothing but an insufferable ignorant, arsehole. Always putting his arm around her when unneeded, always flirting or asking her out whenever she dared come around them. If it wasn't for Cordelia, she probably would've hexed the boy to oblivion by now. But because her cousin — for some reason — seemed fit in having the boy as a best friend, Winnie stuck to simply pouring her morning porridge over his head or slapping him across the face if he got too close. 

She had spent a better half of her dinner eyeing said boy, ignoring whatever her friends talked about. Watching as he laughed loudly, smiled when speaking. It grew as a quite an surprise to her that he seemed to have some table manners unlike half of the baboons in their year. He didn't stuff his face with food like an animal, instead he took simple bites of his food, chewing and swallowing before speaking. Winnie has decided that was one of Theo's redeemable qualities, but that thought quickly vanished after she turned back to her friends. Only to find him taking a seat beside her moments later, winking and twirling a piece of her blonde locks. She had glared at him, stealing her hair from his grasp as he asked her to Hogsmeade with him. Well, more like demanded. 

"You, my dear brilliant witch, will intend Hogsmeads with me tomorrow." 

That landed the boy with a pretty sharp eye roll, and a knocking of their shoulders as she shot up form her seat. Saying a sharp 'Never in my life Nott,' before she left the Great Hall. The girl continued grumbly like a mad women as she entered the library, ignoring the way Madam Pince had hissed her as she entered, Winnie simply ignored her. For the sake of house points, she held back the nerve to whisper 'get your wand out of your arse,' to her as she passed. 

Winnie was quite content with disappearing at her little table for hours as she studied, instead she found herself stumbling as she stopped herself from running into a bushy haired female. The girl's hand coming out and holding herself on the shelves as Hermione Granger gasped slightly. The two girls steadying themselves, Hermione with an arm full of books and Winnie with her hand tightening around her bag. 

"Oh! Winifred, I didn't mean to startle you," Hermione apologized as she smiled briskly, her dark cheeks crinkling as her lips pulled upwards. Winnie felt the need to growl at the girl for using her god awful birth name, but considering Winnie actually didn't mind Hermione's presence, she simply frowned instead. 

"Oh for the love of Merlin, I've told you to call me Winnie for years now," the girl sighed, rolling her eyes before moving to step side the curly haired girl. "Would you like to study together? We haven't spoken since last year, and well, I'm assuming that's why you're here." 

"Oh, yes, sure," Hermione smiled slightly as she nodded her head, following Winnie over towards the girls corner of the library. "Actually, theres something I want to talk to you about," the girl added after the two sat down. Winnie pausing from pulling books out of her bag, as she raised an eyebrow. 

"Oh? And what's that?" Winnie asked slowly as she laid her books on the table in front of her. Organizing them in a matter of which class she needed to revise more, as Hermione did the same across from her. 

"Well, it's a little bit of a secret, so don't tell anyone unless you can really trust them," Hermione chewed on her bottom lip slightly as her brown eyes flickered around them. "We're holding a meeting at HogsHead next Saturday, Harry, Ron and I. Just a few people, it's about," Winnie's eyebrows drawled into a line as she stared at the Gryffindor female. Her heart hammering in her chest, if there was one thing that Winnie knew about Hermione and her friends, was that trouble always seemed to follow them. There was only a short list of things that could require such secrecy, let alone meeting in Hogshead. 

"Is this about," Winnie paused as she looked around, before lowering her voice. "You-Know-Who?" Winnie was not a daft person by any means, maybe a tad bit irrational when she was angry, but she knew better than to ignore the obvious. You-Know-Who coming back was an obvious fact, she didn't know Harry Potter well by any means, but she wasn't stupid enough to believe he would make up such lies about the person who killed his parents. 

"You believe Harry?" Hermione questioned as her eyebrows furrowed, Winnie's face screwed up as she huffed. Falling back in her chair and letting her head fall back as she stared at the ceiling, before looking back up at Hermione. 

"I'm not bloody stupid, I reckon you have to be mad in the head to make up such a thing," Winnie scowled as she crossed her arms on the table, lending her chest against the ridge of the table as Hermione grinned slightly. 

"Well that's good, most people are blaming Harry and Dumbledore," Hermione sighed as Winnie snorted slightly, already knowing all about the Daily Prophets joy trip in making Harry and Dumbledore look like attention seeking fools. Lying about You-Know-Who returning, it was all control by fear, and fear would be the thing to kill them all she feared. "Please come, we're trying to do a good thing here and we can't do it without people's help, and I just. I want to defend myself in case anything happens, shouldn't everyone else?" 

Defend myself in case anything happens. Defend. Winnie frowned as her eyes fell downwards to her Defence book laid in front of her. Brown eyes swirling as she stared at the brown cover. She never imagined having to learn how to defend herself, she was a child still after all. A child who was suppose to spend her years fussing over boys or girls — though she never fussed over anyone to be fair — a child who was suppose to live her childhood in any happy way she could. Then again, her childhood was never truly happy. It was always full of expectations that she never met, never thrived to met them either. Being a child and learning how to defend herself suddenly didn't seem so far off.

"Hermione, I'll be there," the girl spoke sharply as she looked up at her, her mouth into a small smile as she watched Hermione smile, the corner of her eyes crinkling as she nodded her head. "Can I, ask my cousin to come?" Winnie asked as she watched the girl open her bottle of ink, the movement stalling as Hermione eyes flashed. 

"The Slytherin?" The girl asked slowly as Winnie's lips titled downwards. She knew all too well about the rivalry between her house and her cousins. She suspected it was half the reason her parents disliked her so much now ( that and they were bloody nutters ), she hated the rivalry with everything in her. Though, she wasn't blind to Hermione's worries, she couldn't fault the girl for it either. Her own family believed in blood supremacy, her own family had uttered the word Mudblood more than once. 

"Cordelia isn't like that Hermione, she doesn't care about blood and such," Winnie admitted, waving her hand but not missing the disbelief that shined across the girls face. "I mean it, shes well, you know what my family are like," the girl spoke more sternly, pausing to watch the bushy haired girl nod her head. Because really she did know, Winnie had told her all about her family in their third year. After finding Hermione crying about Ron and Harry, the two girls had sat and talked for hours about their ridiculous lives. "Cordelia isn't like them. She's a Slytherin, but that doesn't mean she's evil or bad Hermione. It's just a house, it's her choices that matter." 

Hermione's eyes stared hard and cold at her, Winnie returning the look as the two gazed at each other. Hermione watching Winnie's face for a flicker of dishonesty about her words, while Winnie silently dared for the girl to offend her cousin. Finally, Hermione sighed, clicking her tongue at the roof of her mouth as she raised one eyebrow, "is she going to make the right choices?" Hermione questioned lowly as Winnie's lips pulled into a line. 

Winnie Buldstrode liked to say that she would, the two never really talked about their beliefs. But Winnie sure as hell didn't make it a secret that she didn't agree with any of the rubbish supremacy rules, Cordelia never did look at her any differently for it. Her cousin was the only one who understood, who still spoke to her as if she didn't disappoint her parents. "Yes, she will." Winnie hoped deep down she was correct by saying so. 

———————————

WINNIE was anything but pleased when Hermione stopped her before they left their dormitory that morning. Apparently, Hermione gifted her with the task of telling anyone she trusted to come, the fact was, she trusted nobody. Which was exactly why she wouldn't stop pestering her cousin until she agreed to attend. 

"Oh, come on! Don't tell me you have better things to be doing." Winnie argued as she spoke sternly, ignoring the eye roll Cordelia gave her in reply. 

"I have homework!" Cordelia spoke matter of factly, Winnie watched with narrowed eyes as her cousin leaned back in her seat. Homework her arse! 

"It's one Saturday out of the rest of your life, Cordelia," Winnie snorted, taking a sip of her hot cocoa. The wind swirled around them, bitter cold to her cheeks as they weather slowly trickled from autumn into winter. "I don't want to go by myself,!" 

"Then don't go if you don't feel comfortable," retorted Cordelia, setting her glass down on the table as Winnie huffed loudly, rolling her eyes. As if her cousin had a choice, "I'm not going." 

"You are, I'm going to make you." Winnie smirked as her fingers wrapped tightly around the blue mug that held her hot coco, the girl took a small sip. Licking her lips and letting the warm, sweet liquid twinkle down her throat. 

"No, you're not--" Cordelia's words were quickly cut off with a flick of Winnie's hand, silencing her momentarily, as she grinned. 

"Yes, I am!" Winnie said, giggling a little, before flicking her hand again as taking off the silencing spell from her cousin. "Please, Hermione wants me to spread the message to as many people as I can. And I know a lot of people."

"Wow, brag about your popularity, will you?" Winnie smirked at her words, winning as she turned her gaze upon a passing group of third years who held bags of candy form Honey Dukes in their hands. "I'm not going to spend my Saturday in a room full of Gryffindors."

"That's my house you're talking about cousin, be careful. We aren't that bad," acknowledged Winnie, brushing her hair back behind her ears. She crossed her legs under the table, grunting in pain when she accidentally hit her knee on the table. "Ouch!" 

"That's what you get for making me go along with you!" Cordelia snickered, sticking her tongue out at her cousin in a mocking manner. Winnie narrowed her eyes as she rubbed her knee with her spare hand that wasn't holding her mug. "I'm not going, end of story."

"You are. I don't care if I have to force you." Winnie argued matter of factly, lifting her hand from her knee as she sighed, leaning back in her chair. 

"Why do you care so much if I go or not! It's literally not that big of a deal--" Winnie narrowed her eyes at her cousin, listening to her speak before she jutted out her lip and cut her off. 

"Because I have to bring someone," said Winnie, keeping her frown on her lips as she stared down at the brown liquid in her mug. "I know Theo would, but I'm not taking him." The words left Winnie's lips before she could even process what she said, Theo? Why would she think of bringing Theo, or well, bringing him up into the conversation. Her lips pulled into a deeper frown, as her eyes narrowed at the mug in her hands. Bloody Theodore fucking Nott. 

"Why not?" Cordelia questioned lowly, the Ravenclaw looking up to see her cousin smirking. Winnie huffed once more louder, great, shes done it now. "He would love to have some one-on-one time with you."

"No. Absolutely not," Winnie complained, shaking her head fervently. There was no way in hell she was ever going to bring Theo Nott anywhere with her one on one, let alone to a place full of Gryffindors who were probably convinced he would become a follower of— Winnie breath caught in her throat at the though, he wouldn't would be? She knew Theo was a downright foul arse, but he wouldn't be that big of an idiot, would he? "No. No."

"Here's a question for you," replied Cordelia, cutting Winnie's thoughts away like a knife. The girl blinked several times, shaking the thought away and forcing Theodore Nott far from her mind as she looked over at Cordelia. "Why do you try and hate him so much? He's head over heels in love with you, Win."

Winnie visibly frowned at this, she very much doubted that he was head over heels in love with her. How could he be really? He barely knew her, if anything he just said he was, to get her to fall helplessly for his tricks. Winnie Buldstrode wasn't one to fall for just any old game, and she sure as hell wasn't going to become apart of Theo's. That boy was many things, but being in love with her, she surely doubted he was. 

"I know," Winnie replied averting eye contact, she wondered if Cordelia really believed that her friend loved her. She thought it would be better to just agree rather than state differently, maybe for the time being. She stared at the window that was behind Cordelia, looking into the tables of the Three Broomsticks. "I know that."

"Why won't you give him a chance?" Cordelia questioned as Winnie shifted in her chair, her eyes falling down to the mug that she placed on the table. Avoiding her cousins eye contact all the same. 

"Because," said Winnie, enunciating the 'cause', "I don't need to. This is our O.W.L year, and I have better things to be worrying about then stupid boyfriends. Besides, I don't want to get my heart broken like you did." Winnie grinned at her last words, hoping it would be enough to change the subject. 

"Way to call me out! That hurt." Cordelia spoke, offended with her mouth falling open as Winnie giggled slightly, looking at her cousin now. She pressed her hand over her chest where her heart was, jutting out her lip and pretending to cry. "I'm offended."

"You know what I mean." Winnie rolled her eyes as she lifted the mug to her lips, took a sip, and set it back down. "Look, Cordelia, why is it such a big deal to spend an hour with Gryffindors?"

"Merlin, it's like you want me to get bullied. My brother will never let it go, and Draco-- god, who knows what Draco would say. You know how he hates them with every fiber in his being." Cordelia spoke with a roll of her eyes as she huffed, Winnie rolled her own eyes as she spotted a head of familiar platinum blond hair. The girl watched the taller male, suddenly remembering seeing him watch Hermione Granger a week ago in the library. 

Winnie had just rounded a corner with her arms full of her books, spotting Draco Malfoy sitting with a book in his hands. His eyes staring at someone from across the library, his eyesbrows furrowed and his cheeks slightly flushed. Being a curious person and always wanting to know everything, Winnie stepped backwards into the aisle so she wasn't seen. Her blue eyes flicking to where Draco was looking, feeling a gasp threaten to leave her lips as she spotted Hermione. Hair bushy, and eyes staring hard at the book in front of her as she wrote furiously, Winnie's eyes trailed between the two. Watching silently as Hermione yawned, crinkling her nose, only to watch Draco smile slightly in a way that was anything but the normal Draco Malfoy Winnie usually saw around the halls. 

It was a smile that reminded the girl of sunshine, warm and pulling with adoration. For a moment, Winnie had to remind herself who she was watching. Because this surely couldn't be Draco Malfoy smiling warmly at Hermione Granger across the room,. But yet, here it was, in front of her eyes. Winnie Buldstrode really had no idea on how to react to that, so she simply turned and fled the room, forcing the memory away, at least, until now. 

"You know," she started, inclining her head towards the boy himself as he walked into Zonko's Joke Shop on the other side of the street with his goons Crabbe and Goyle. "I have a feeling that he might have a little crush on Hermione Granger."

"No way! He hates her," Cordelia snorted as Winnie smirked, reaching down and taking a chocolate frog out form inside her pocket, leaning back in her chair as she did so. She raised an incredulous eyebrow as she unwrapped a chocolate frog, the foil crinkling in her hands as she rolled it up into a little ball. 

"I don't know... he doesn't seem all that into Parkinson." Which was true for the matter, Winnie had seen the way the platinum blond boy looked as if he was drowning in confusion whenever Pansy was around. 

"I mean... not really," replied Cordelia, Winnie smirking at her cousins words as the chocolate frog squirmed in her hands. The female wrinkling her nose as she sighed, realizing she got another Dumbledore card. "No. He's not into her, trust me. He would tell me--"

"Would he, really?" questioned Winnie, eyebrows still raised. She bit the head off her chocolate frog and it stopped trying to jump out of her hands as it had been doing before. The girl chewed for a moment, swallowing as her mind moved to her cousins friend. "He's a little... odd."

"He's nice when you get to know him," Cordelia spoke matter of factly as Winnie screwed her nose up, taking another bite of her chocolate frog. Nice? No, Winnie couldn't imagine that. Strange? Yes, that was for sure. "Trust me."

"Hmph." Winnie shrugged, deciding to drop the subject with the girl, while secretly she was coming up with a plan on trying to figure out more on her own. The door to the Three Broomsticks opened with the ding of a bell and three people exited the pub — she heard the familiar voice of Hermione Granger scolding the two boys who were with her who were both looking very, very annoyed. Winnie perked up, smiling as she swallowed the rest of the chocolate before speaking. "Hermione!"

"Hi, Winnie!" Hermione turned, her scowl disappearing into a smile as Winnie stood to embrace the bookworm. Winnie hugged her softly for a moment, before letting go and sending a small smile to the raven haired boy and the redhead behind Hermione."Hi, Cordelia! Did Winnie talk to you about coming to the meeting next Saturday? Just down the road at the Hog's Head." 

Winnie couldn't help but smile at the girls words, glad that Hermione took what she said the day before into account about her cousin. Though she didn't miss the look Ronald Weasley shot Hermione at her words, Winnie glared at the redhead who paid her no attention. Instead the boy tore his eyes away as the shorter girl sent him a pointed look, Winnie had to hold back a laugh at that. For someone so much shorter than himself, Ronald Weasley was so quite scared of Hermione, it was almost sweet. Winnie's eyes trailed to Harry Potter then, who made a point of looking very dramatically into the distance. The girls eyebrows furrowed slightly as she looked at Cordelia, who sat ridged in her seat, flicking her eyes to Harry every few moments. The girl's eyes moved back to Harry, watching as he met her eyes for a moment, flicking to Cordelia for a second before he shot his head away as if she burned him just by him glancing at her. 

The Gryffindor smirked slightly, sinking back in her seat and hiding her grin behind her mug as she eyed Harry and Cordelia. Interesting, very interesting. 

"Yeah, uh, I--" Winnie quickly laid her mug down then, already knowing what her cousin was about to say. 

"She'll be there!" Winnie interrupted, winking at her cousin who shot her a glare. The girl simply smiled innocently, ignoring her cousins glare, after all, she did say she would make her go. "Eleven, right?"

"Yes!" Hermione was beaming brightly, Winnie smiled, tempting to kick her cousin under the table to smile as she was doing anything but that. Instead, the girl waved goodbye to her friend and the two other Gryffindors as Hermione turned to leave. "See you guys. Have a good afternoon!" She sped off in the direction of the castle, followed closely behind by her friends who were shadowing her like lost puppies. 

"Why would you tell them I'm going? Now I have to be there." Cordelia snapped angrily, nostrils flaring as Winnie smirked picking up the rest of her chocolate frog as she shrugged innocently. The girl giggled slightly before she took another bite of her chocolate frog. 

"That's the whole point!" She gave her a toothy grin as she checked her watch, and her brown eyes went wide in alarm. Merlins Beard, Lavender is going to kill her! Though, Winnie is still fairly pied off at her ( she had tried to curl her hair in her sleep ), but forcing Cordelia to attend next Saturday just fixed some of her poor mood. "Merlin! I gotta go, I told Lavender I would meet her in the library to help with her Charms homework. Poor girl's useless at it." 

"Winnie." Cordelia warned as Winnie shoved the rest of the chocolate frog in her mouth, her cheeks puffing out slightly as she drank the rest of her hot cocoa. If anyone didn't know she raised by a pure blood family who practiced manners and rights, they surely wouldn't know it now by looking at Winnie Buldstrode. Who was chewing rather quickly and taking big swallows of mixed chocolate down her throat. 

"What?" She questioned finally after everything was gone out of her mouth, eyes wide as she gripped the table, reading to sprout out of it at any moment like a leaf. 

"You owe me." Cordelia spoke matter of factly as Winnie rolled her eyes, but grinning nevertheless. 

"I know. Bye!" She quickly got to her feet and sped off in the same direction that the trio had just left on, her hair falling behind her as she almost tripped several times up the hill. Leaving a very pissed off Cordelia Flint behind, all the while, Winnie Buldstrode suddenly came up with a brilliant idea on how to fix her cousins broken heart. While she finally entered Hogwarts, a smirk took over her features, remembering the way her cousin eyed a certain raven haired boy while he flushed red like cherries when he glanced at her once. Maybe Harry Potter might just be the answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No theo in this one, but more scenes of him are coming soon <3


	5. III. bloody theodore fucking nott

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winnie Buldstrode once again decides she hates Theodore Nott ( when does she not ), and drags her cousin to a cave of lions.

DAYS seemed to zoom by for Winnie Buldstrode, with her nose either stuck in a book, her wrist searing in pain from writing essays and studying whenever she could. Fifth year students — those who cared — had been nose deep in their studies for the first weeks of school, Winnie, wanting to be ahead of the game already made a studying schedule for all her classes. Which left her most evenings passed out with books thrown across her bed or ink marks covering her fingertips. 

Friday afternoon in the end of October found Winnie Buldstrode walking briskly down the halls of Hogwarts. She had spent the better part of her day fighting with procrastination, she had tried to study in the common room. Which failed greatly as the Weasley Twins approached her with a candy, and yes she was dumb enough to take one. She ended up in the hospital wing for the evening, trying to find a way to turn the colour of her skin back to pale whether than blue. 

All Winnie Buldstrode truly wanted to do was crawl away and never be seen again — and yes, she is dead serious about this, this whole school year has been a constant pain in the arse, and Winnie is quite sick of it! Now, Winnie has a list of exactly why she's wishes to disappear — hello, she has a list for everything! 

One. ) Umbitch has been nothing but an entire asswipe this entire few weeks. They have done nothing but read or write essays, which, usually Winnie wouldn't complain about any of that. Expect, their D.A.D.A teacher was quite literally the worst person alive. ( okay maybe not the worse, she is very much aware of You-Know-Who alive again, so really, she isn't the worse. ) Every day, Winnie enters the Defence classroom, hoping and praying to see anything but a splash of bright bubblegum pink clothing, and every single day, she is disappointed. Merlins Beard, how much can one person really like the colour pink! It's ghastly. It doesn't help the fact that Umbridge — Umbitch — is anything but a kind person, unless of course, you're a bloody Slytherin. The women gives a new person detention every class, Winnie swore she once saw the bloody witch give a second year girl detention for tripping in the hall. Tripping! The bloody nerve. 

Two.) Winnie's parents seems to be up her arse more than ever this year. She was quite surprised to see her parents Tawny owl drop a thick letter in front of her toast one day. She quite literally blinked at the parchment, and then asked Sue if she was seeing things. She was in fact not seeing things. Which, regardless, she was quite unpleased with the contents of the letter. Her family wishing for her to see reason, threatening to take away privileges of using the House Elves when she arrived home. Winnie outright laughed at that, as if she couldn't just go make her own food, she wasn't a stuck up prissy! The Ravenclaw girl had written back telling them she was quite fine with her beliefs, only to have an owl arrive a week later with safe regards for her year and to see her during the Christmas holidays. Winnie really couldn't figure out what her parents were playing at, and she really ought to tell them to stick their fucking threats and wishes up their bloody arses. 

Three.) This was probably the worse of all, no, it was the worse of all. Theodore bloody Nott couldn't get out of her fucking head. She really quite hated that, the brunet male had somehow managed to be wherever she was. Winnie was nearly always able to spot him in a crowd, smirking and laughing like he owned the world. Winnie Buldstrode just happened to think that maybe he taught he did. The afternoon in the library had been stuck in her mind like a record player. His words repeating until she swore she could recite them in her sleep, 'one day you'll realize I'm not as bad as you think I am.' Did she really think he was that bad? Yes. Why? Because he was an ignorant arsehole who made it his lives mission to appear whenever she was. Simply stating it loud and clearly for the world to hear that he was sure, she would be his wife one day. As if! And yet, Winnie couldn't help but watch him when he wasn't looking, Theodore Nott was a puzzle she couldn't quite understand. 

Ever since Third Year, he had been nothing but an insufferable ignorant, arsehole. Always putting his arm around her when unneeded, always flirting or asking her out whenever she dared come around them. If it wasn't for Cordelia, she probably would've hexed the boy to oblivion by now. But because her cousin — for some reason — seemed fit in having the boy as a best friend, Winnie stuck to simply pouring her morning porridge over his head or slapping him across the face if he got too close. 

She had spent a better half of her dinner eyeing said boy, ignoring whatever her friends talked about. Watching as he laughed loudly, smiled when speaking. It grew as a quite an surprise to her that he seemed to have some table manners unlike half of the baboons in their year. He didn't stuff his face with food like an animal, instead he took simple bites of his food, chewing and swallowing before speaking. Winnie has decided that was one of Theo's redeemable qualities, but that thought quickly vanished after she turned back to her friends. Only to find him taking a seat beside her moments later, winking and twirling a piece of her blonde locks. She had glared at him, stealing her hair from his grasp as he asked her to Hogsmeade with him. Well, more like demanded. 

"You, my dear brilliant witch, will intend Hogsmeads with me tomorrow." 

That landed the boy with a pretty sharp eye roll, and a knocking of their shoulders as she shot up form her seat. Saying a sharp 'Never in my life Nott,' before she left the Great Hall. The girl continued grumbly like a mad women as she entered the library, ignoring the way Madam Pince had hissed her as she entered, Winnie simply ignored her. For the sake of house points, she held back the nerve to whisper 'get your wand out of your arse,' to her as she passed. 

Winnie was quite content with disappearing at her little table for hours as she studied, instead she found herself stumbling as she stopped herself from running into a bushy haired female. The girl's hand coming out and holding herself on the shelves as Hermione Granger gasped slightly. The two girls steadying themselves, Hermione with an arm full of books and Winnie with her hand tightening around her bag. 

"Oh! Winifred, I didn't mean to startle you," Hermione apologized as she smiled briskly, her dark cheeks crinkling as her lips pulled upwards. Winnie felt the need to growl at the girl for using her god awful birth name, but considering Winnie actually didn't mind Hermione's presence, she simply frowned instead. 

"Oh for the love of Merlin, I've told you to call me Winnie for years now," the girl sighed, rolling her eyes before moving to step side the curly haired girl. "Would you like to study together? We haven't spoken since last year, and well, I'm assuming that's why you're here." 

"Oh, yes, sure," Hermione smiled slightly as she nodded her head, following Winnie over towards the girls corner of the library. "Actually, theres something I want to talk to you about," the girl added after the two sat down. Winnie pausing from pulling books out of her bag, as she raised an eyebrow. 

"Oh? And what's that?" Winnie asked slowly as she laid her books on the table in front of her. Organizing them in a matter of which class she needed to revise more, as Hermione did the same across from her. 

"Well, it's a little bit of a secret, so don't tell anyone unless you can really trust them," Hermione chewed on her bottom lip slightly as her brown eyes flickered around them. "We're holding a meeting at HogsHead next Saturday, Harry, Ron and I. Just a few people, it's about," Winnie's eyebrows drawled into a line as she stared at the Gryffindor female. Her heart hammering in her chest, if there was one thing that Winnie knew about Hermione and her friends, was that trouble always seemed to follow them. There was only a short list of things that could require such secrecy, let alone meeting in Hogshead. 

"Is this about," Winnie paused as she looked around, before lowering her voice. "You-Know-Who?" Winnie was not a daft person by any means, maybe a tad bit irrational when she was angry, but she knew better than to ignore the obvious. You-Know-Who coming back was an obvious fact, she didn't know Harry Potter well by any means, but she wasn't stupid enough to believe he would make up such lies about the person who killed his parents. 

"You believe Harry?" Hermione questioned as her eyebrows furrowed, Winnie's face screwed up as she huffed. Falling back in her chair and letting her head fall back as she stared at the ceiling, before looking back up at Hermione. 

"I'm not bloody stupid, I reckon you have to be mad in the head to make up such a thing," Winnie scowled as she crossed her arms on the table, lending her chest against the ridge of the table as Hermione grinned slightly. 

"Well that's good, most people are blaming Harry and Dumbledore," Hermione sighed as Winnie snorted slightly, already knowing all about the Daily Prophets joy trip in making Harry and Dumbledore look like attention seeking fools. Lying about You-Know-Who returning, it was all control by fear, and fear would be the thing to kill them all she feared. "Please come, we're trying to do a good thing here and we can't do it without people's help, and I just. I want to defend myself in case anything happens, shouldn't everyone else?" 

Defend myself in case anything happens. Defend. Winnie frowned as her eyes fell downwards to her Defence book laid in front of her. Brown eyes swirling as she stared at the brown cover. She never imagined having to learn how to defend herself, she was a child still after all. A child who was suppose to spend her years fussing over boys or girls — though she never fussed over anyone to be fair — a child who was suppose to live her childhood in any happy way she could. Then again, her childhood was never truly happy. It was always full of expectations that she never met, never thrived to met them either. Being a child and learning how to defend herself suddenly didn't seem so far off.

"Hermione, I'll be there," the girl spoke sharply as she looked up at her, her mouth into a small smile as she watched Hermione smile, the corner of her eyes crinkling as she nodded her head. "Can I, ask my cousin to come?" Winnie asked as she watched the girl open her bottle of ink, the movement stalling as Hermione eyes flashed. 

"The Slytherin?" The girl asked slowly as Winnie's lips titled downwards. She knew all too well about the rivalry between her house and her cousins. She suspected it was half the reason her parents disliked her so much now ( that and they were bloody nutters ), she hated the rivalry with everything in her. Though, she wasn't blind to Hermione's worries, she couldn't fault the girl for it either. Her own family believed in blood supremacy, her own family had uttered the word Mudblood more than once. 

"Cordelia isn't like that Hermione, she doesn't care about blood and such," Winnie admitted, waving her hand but not missing the disbelief that shined across the girls face. "I mean it, shes well, you know what my family are like," the girl spoke more sternly, pausing to watch the bushy haired girl nod her head. Because really she did know, Winnie had told her all about her family in their third year. After finding Hermione crying about Ron and Harry, the two girls had sat and talked for hours about their ridiculous lives. "Cordelia isn't like them. She's a Slytherin, but that doesn't mean she's evil or bad Hermione. It's just a house, it's her choices that matter." 

Hermione's eyes stared hard and cold at her, Winnie returning the look as the two gazed at each other. Hermione watching Winnie's face for a flicker of dishonesty about her words, while Winnie silently dared for the girl to offend her cousin. Finally, Hermione sighed, clicking her tongue at the roof of her mouth as she raised one eyebrow, "is she going to make the right choices?" Hermione questioned lowly as Winnie's lips pulled into a line. 

Winnie Buldstrode liked to say that she would, the two never really talked about their beliefs. But Winnie sure as hell didn't make it a secret that she didn't agree with any of the rubbish supremacy rules, Cordelia never did look at her any differently for it. Her cousin was the only one who understood, who still spoke to her as if she didn't disappoint her parents. "Yes, she will." Winnie hoped deep down she was correct by saying so. 

———————————

WINNIE was anything but pleased when Hermione stopped her before they left their dormitory that morning. Apparently, Hermione gifted her with the task of telling anyone she trusted to come, the fact was, she trusted nobody. Which was exactly why she wouldn't stop pestering her cousin until she agreed to attend. 

"Oh, come on! Don't tell me you have better things to be doing." Winnie argued as she spoke sternly, ignoring the eye roll Cordelia gave her in reply. 

"I have homework!" Cordelia spoke matter of factly, Winnie watched with narrowed eyes as her cousin leaned back in her seat. Homework her arse! 

"It's one Saturday out of the rest of your life, Cordelia," Winnie snorted, taking a sip of her hot cocoa. The wind swirled around them, bitter cold to her cheeks as they weather slowly trickled from autumn into winter. "I don't want to go by myself,!" 

"Then don't go if you don't feel comfortable," retorted Cordelia, setting her glass down on the table as Winnie huffed loudly, rolling her eyes. As if her cousin had a choice, "I'm not going." 

"You are, I'm going to make you." Winnie smirked as her fingers wrapped tightly around the blue mug that held her hot coco, the girl took a small sip. Licking her lips and letting the warm, sweet liquid twinkle down her throat. 

"No, you're not--" Cordelia's words were quickly cut off with a flick of Winnie's hand, silencing her momentarily, as she grinned. 

"Yes, I am!" Winnie said, giggling a little, before flicking her hand again as taking off the silencing spell from her cousin. "Please, Hermione wants me to spread the message to as many people as I can. And I know a lot of people."

"Wow, brag about your popularity, will you?" Winnie smirked at her words, winning as she turned her gaze upon a passing group of third years who held bags of candy form Honey Dukes in their hands. "I'm not going to spend my Saturday in a room full of Gryffindors."

"That's my house you're talking about cousin, be careful. We aren't that bad," acknowledged Winnie, brushing her hair back behind her ears. She crossed her legs under the table, grunting in pain when she accidentally hit her knee on the table. "Ouch!" 

"That's what you get for making me go along with you!" Cordelia snickered, sticking her tongue out at her cousin in a mocking manner. Winnie narrowed her eyes as she rubbed her knee with her spare hand that wasn't holding her mug. "I'm not going, end of story."

"You are. I don't care if I have to force you." Winnie argued matter of factly, lifting her hand from her knee as she sighed, leaning back in her chair. 

"Why do you care so much if I go or not! It's literally not that big of a deal--" Winnie narrowed her eyes at her cousin, listening to her speak before she jutted out her lip and cut her off. 

"Because I have to bring someone," said Winnie, keeping her frown on her lips as she stared down at the brown liquid in her mug. "I know Theo would, but I'm not taking him." The words left Winnie's lips before she could even process what she said, Theo? Why would she think of bringing Theo, or well, bringing him up into the conversation. Her lips pulled into a deeper frown, as her eyes narrowed at the mug in her hands. Bloody Theodore fucking Nott. 

"Why not?" Cordelia questioned lowly, the Ravenclaw looking up to see her cousin smirking. Winnie huffed once more louder, great, shes done it now. "He would love to have some one-on-one time with you."

"No. Absolutely not," Winnie complained, shaking her head fervently. There was no way in hell she was ever going to bring Theo Nott anywhere with her one on one, let alone to a place full of Gryffindors who were probably convinced he would become a follower of— Winnie breath caught in her throat at the though, he wouldn't would be? She knew Theo was a downright foul arse, but he wouldn't be that big of an idiot, would he? "No. No."

"Here's a question for you," replied Cordelia, cutting Winnie's thoughts away like a knife. The girl blinked several times, shaking the thought away and forcing Theodore Nott far from her mind as she looked over at Cordelia. "Why do you try and hate him so much? He's head over heels in love with you, Win."

Winnie visibly frowned at this, she very much doubted that he was head over heels in love with her. How could he be really? He barely knew her, if anything he just said he was, to get her to fall helplessly for his tricks. Winnie Buldstrode wasn't one to fall for just any old game, and she sure as hell wasn't going to become apart of Theo's. That boy was many things, but being in love with her, she surely doubted he was. 

"I know," Winnie replied averting eye contact, she wondered if Cordelia really believed that her friend loved her. She thought it would be better to just agree rather than state differently, maybe for the time being. She stared at the window that was behind Cordelia, looking into the tables of the Three Broomsticks. "I know that."

"Why won't you give him a chance?" Cordelia questioned as Winnie shifted in her chair, her eyes falling down to the mug that she placed on the table. Avoiding her cousins eye contact all the same. 

"Because," said Winnie, enunciating the 'cause', "I don't need to. This is our O.W.L year, and I have better things to be worrying about then stupid boyfriends. Besides, I don't want to get my heart broken like you did." Winnie grinned at her last words, hoping it would be enough to change the subject. 

"Way to call me out! That hurt." Cordelia spoke, offended with her mouth falling open as Winnie giggled slightly, looking at her cousin now. She pressed her hand over her chest where her heart was, jutting out her lip and pretending to cry. "I'm offended."

"You know what I mean." Winnie rolled her eyes as she lifted the mug to her lips, took a sip, and set it back down. "Look, Cordelia, why is it such a big deal to spend an hour with Gryffindors?"

"Merlin, it's like you want me to get bullied. My brother will never let it go, and Draco-- god, who knows what Draco would say. You know how he hates them with every fiber in his being." Cordelia spoke with a roll of her eyes as she huffed, Winnie rolled her own eyes as she spotted a head of familiar platinum blond hair. The girl watched the taller male, suddenly remembering seeing him watch Hermione Granger a week ago in the library. 

Winnie had just rounded a corner with her arms full of her books, spotting Draco Malfoy sitting with a book in his hands. His eyes staring at someone from across the library, his eyesbrows furrowed and his cheeks slightly flushed. Being a curious person and always wanting to know everything, Winnie stepped backwards into the aisle so she wasn't seen. Her blue eyes flicking to where Draco was looking, feeling a gasp threaten to leave her lips as she spotted Hermione. Hair bushy, and eyes staring hard at the book in front of her as she wrote furiously, Winnie's eyes trailed between the two. Watching silently as Hermione yawned, crinkling her nose, only to watch Draco smile slightly in a way that was anything but the normal Draco Malfoy Winnie usually saw around the halls. 

It was a smile that reminded the girl of sunshine, warm and pulling with adoration. For a moment, Winnie had to remind herself who she was watching. Because this surely couldn't be Draco Malfoy smiling warmly at Hermione Granger across the room,. But yet, here it was, in front of her eyes. Winnie Buldstrode really had no idea on how to react to that, so she simply turned and fled the room, forcing the memory away, at least, until now. 

"You know," she started, inclining her head towards the boy himself as he walked into Zonko's Joke Shop on the other side of the street with his goons Crabbe and Goyle. "I have a feeling that he might have a little crush on Hermione Granger."

"No way! He hates her," Cordelia snorted as Winnie smirked, reaching down and taking a chocolate frog out form inside her pocket, leaning back in her chair as she did so. She raised an incredulous eyebrow as she unwrapped a chocolate frog, the foil crinkling in her hands as she rolled it up into a little ball. 

"I don't know... he doesn't seem all that into Parkinson." Which was true for the matter, Winnie had seen the way the platinum blond boy looked as if he was drowning in confusion whenever Pansy was around. 

"I mean... not really," replied Cordelia, Winnie smirking at her cousins words as the chocolate frog squirmed in her hands. The female wrinkling her nose as she sighed, realizing she got another Dumbledore card. "No. He's not into her, trust me. He would tell me--"

"Would he, really?" questioned Winnie, eyebrows still raised. She bit the head off her chocolate frog and it stopped trying to jump out of her hands as it had been doing before. The girl chewed for a moment, swallowing as her mind moved to her cousins friend. "He's a little... odd."

"He's nice when you get to know him," Cordelia spoke matter of factly as Winnie screwed her nose up, taking another bite of her chocolate frog. Nice? No, Winnie couldn't imagine that. Strange? Yes, that was for sure. "Trust me."

"Hmph." Winnie shrugged, deciding to drop the subject with the girl, while secretly she was coming up with a plan on trying to figure out more on her own. The door to the Three Broomsticks opened with the ding of a bell and three people exited the pub — she heard the familiar voice of Hermione Granger scolding the two boys who were with her who were both looking very, very annoyed. Winnie perked up, smiling as she swallowed the rest of the chocolate before speaking. "Hermione!"

"Hi, Winnie!" Hermione turned, her scowl disappearing into a smile as Winnie stood to embrace the bookworm. Winnie hugged her softly for a moment, before letting go and sending a small smile to the raven haired boy and the redhead behind Hermione."Hi, Cordelia! Did Winnie talk to you about coming to the meeting next Saturday? Just down the road at the Hog's Head." 

Winnie couldn't help but smile at the girls words, glad that Hermione took what she said the day before into account about her cousin. Though she didn't miss the look Ronald Weasley shot Hermione at her words, Winnie glared at the redhead who paid her no attention. Instead the boy tore his eyes away as the shorter girl sent him a pointed look, Winnie had to hold back a laugh at that. For someone so much shorter than himself, Ronald Weasley was so quite scared of Hermione, it was almost sweet. Winnie's eyes trailed to Harry Potter then, who made a point of looking very dramatically into the distance. The girls eyebrows furrowed slightly as she looked at Cordelia, who sat ridged in her seat, flicking her eyes to Harry every few moments. The girl's eyes moved back to Harry, watching as he met her eyes for a moment, flicking to Cordelia for a second before he shot his head away as if she burned him just by him glancing at her. 

The Gryffindor smirked slightly, sinking back in her seat and hiding her grin behind her mug as she eyed Harry and Cordelia. Interesting, very interesting. 

"Yeah, uh, I--" Winnie quickly laid her mug down then, already knowing what her cousin was about to say. 

"She'll be there!" Winnie interrupted, winking at her cousin who shot her a glare. The girl simply smiled innocently, ignoring her cousins glare, after all, she did say she would make her go. "Eleven, right?"

"Yes!" Hermione was beaming brightly, Winnie smiled, tempting to kick her cousin under the table to smile as she was doing anything but that. Instead, the girl waved goodbye to her friend and the two other Gryffindors as Hermione turned to leave. "See you guys. Have a good afternoon!" She sped off in the direction of the castle, followed closely behind by her friends who were shadowing her like lost puppies. 

"Why would you tell them I'm going? Now I have to be there." Cordelia snapped angrily, nostrils flaring as Winnie smirked picking up the rest of her chocolate frog as she shrugged innocently. The girl giggled slightly before she took another bite of her chocolate frog. 

"That's the whole point!" She gave her a toothy grin as she checked her watch, and her brown eyes went wide in alarm. Merlins Beard, Lavender is going to kill her! Though, Winnie is still fairly pied off at her ( she had tried to curl her hair in her sleep ), but forcing Cordelia to attend next Saturday just fixed some of her poor mood. "Merlin! I gotta go, I told Lavender I would meet her in the library to help with her Charms homework. Poor girl's useless at it." 

"Winnie." Cordelia warned as Winnie shoved the rest of the chocolate frog in her mouth, her cheeks puffing out slightly as she drank the rest of her hot cocoa. If anyone didn't know she raised by a pure blood family who practiced manners and rights, they surely wouldn't know it now by looking at Winnie Buldstrode. Who was chewing rather quickly and taking big swallows of mixed chocolate down her throat. 

"What?" She questioned finally after everything was gone out of her mouth, eyes wide as she gripped the table, reading to sprout out of it at any moment like a leaf. 

"You owe me." Cordelia spoke matter of factly as Winnie rolled her eyes, but grinning nevertheless. 

"I know. Bye!" She quickly got to her feet and sped off in the same direction that the trio had just left on, her hair falling behind her as she almost tripped several times up the hill. Leaving a very pissed off Cordelia Flint behind, all the while, Winnie Buldstrode suddenly came up with a brilliant idea on how to fix her cousins broken heart. While she finally entered Hogwarts, a smirk took over her features, remembering the way her cousin eyed a certain raven haired boy while he flushed red like cherries when he glanced at her once. Maybe Harry Potter might just be the answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i’ve decided to completely upload this story here, so for those reading only on here, enjoy <3


	6. IV. the terrible awful pink toad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Umbitch likes to bully little kids, and maybe Saint Potter isn’t the worse person in the world.

GODRIC GRYFFINDOR WAS going to feel the havoc of Winnifred Buldstrode one day, one day soon perhaps. Because the girl was certainly not having a good fifth year, it was if the terrible twos had turned into the great terrible fucking year. Winnie had once tried to shoot bubblegum wrappers at Peeves after he dumped a pocket of water all over here that Wednesday morning. She hadn't remembered what happened exactly, she just remembered repeating some choice of words that would surely grant her a whole year's worth of detention if repeated. Winnie could not find it in herself to care much. 

She was perfectly fine with the torment that was the bloody poltergeist of Hogwarts, he was just a child and Winnie reckoned she could give him a good chance for money if she really put her mind down and tried to come up with a plan. But Winnie had far too much on her plate that year, with O.W.L's, glaring at Zacharias Smith every chance she got and spreading the word about Hogshead, she was absolutely wrecked. 

But nothing could ever beat the pink pudgy woman that was Professor Umbridge. Of course, she never straight out had a run in with her that left her fuming and crimson across her dark skin. At least, until Thursday afternoon. Winnie had just been running across the castle heading to Potions when she stumbled across the pink lady herself. She was getting ready to duck her head and scurry across the hallway towards the dungeons, but Winnie could never leave well enough alone unfortunately. 

As luck would have it, it was in that exact moment that she stumbled upon Umbridge giving another first year detention. Now, Winnie wasn't a dimwit by any means, it hadn't taken her long to find out exactly what detention meant for Umbridge. She had seen Harry Potter's hand by accident one day in class, red with words written across it. She practically dropped her quill, her mouth falling agape as she resisted the urge to question him about it. But the fact that they barely spoken, held her back, however, that was the day that Umbridge — Umbitch — became a target for Winnie Buldstrode. 

So it was no chance that Winnie would simply leave the crying eleven year old who was being yelled at by Umbitch, instead, she marched right over towards the two. Pulling the young girl in front of her as she stared down at the smaller women, a sense of power filling her despite only being fifteen years old. 

"Why are you yelling at a child? I think that seems rather sad, don't you?" Winnie questioned as she clicked her tongue, letting the younger boy go who quickly took off down the hall. Now alone, the blonde crossed her arms over her chest, narrowed brown eyes staring at the professor. 

"Is that how you talk to your Professor?" Umbridge questioned darkly, her tiny lips pulling into a sneer as Winnie snorted, rolling her eyes. 

"It's how I talk to a bully," the girl shot back, eyes drawn into slits as Umbridge gaped at her for a moment. Before she took a step towards her, Winnie suspected Umbridge wanted her to carrow in fear, it was almost laughable really. That she was supposed to be scared of such a vile woman, if anything Winnie wished she could squash her like the bug she was. 

"Detention, Miss. Bulstrode," the women seethed, pulling out a pink slip and shoving it into the female's chest. Winnie stumbled slightly, catching herself on the wall behind her before she clutched the slip in between her fingers, crumpling it. 

"Perfect, maybe you can show me your medieval ways, Merlin knows you're old enough for it," the girl chuckled, smirking as the older woman gaped at her again. Winnie's eyes flicked down to where the woman gripped her wand tightly to her side, causing the blood in her hand to nearly vanish as it turned white. "Careful, I wouldn't hex a student Professor, we were simply talking," the girl spoke, jutting out a bottom lip as she fluttered her eyelashes innocently. Umbridge seethed, raising her wand as she opened her mouth to speak, just as a voice rang out from the corridor. 

"Winnie! There you are, I've been looking for you everywhere!" Winnie's eyes flashed momentarily as the all too familiar voice of Theodore Nott swirled around her. The girl snapped her head to the side where Theo grinned, coming to stand beside her as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. The female shoved his arm off, only for it to be replaced once more. "Oh, hi, Professor, mind if I steal my girlfriend? She's supposed to be tutoring me." he spoke calmly as he smiled, all the while Winnie felt herself freeze in under his arm, mouth falling open as she turned to stare at him. Girlfriend? Girlfriend! 

"You better keep a closer eye on your girlfriend, there, Nott, she doesn't seem to know any manners," Umbridge spoke sternly as she stood straighter, smoothing down her pink robes as he glared at Winnie. Who turned her attention away from Theo, suddenly remembering who the real problem was at the moment. 

"Oh, really? I think she has plenty of manners," Theo answered swiftly, causing the women's face to falter, and for a true moment, Winnie found herself holding back the will to laugh at something Theodore Nott had said. The boy swung them around and walked them down the corridor with his arm still wrapped around her shoulders. Finally, when they were a few feet away, the female let the laughter bubble out of her lips. Her hand coming up to cover her mouth as her head leaned on his shoulder for a moment, the duo stopping in the corner next to a gargoyle statue. Theo's green eyes danced with amazement as he watched the blonde girl laugh against his shoulder, and for a moment, he held his breath, almost as if he breathed too hard she would disappear. 

Unfortunately for him, reality seemed to knock themselves back into Winnie Buldstrode. For suddenly she remembered who exactly had their arm around her shoulders, and who exactly she was laughing against. Quickly, her laughter sucked inside of her, her hand pushing his arm off of her. Before he could even blink to register what happened, she swiftly hit him on the shoulder with her bag. 

"Ow! Woman, what was that for?" He spoke sharply as he jumped back, seeing her aim to hit him again with his back. She dropped her hands to her side, narrowing her brown eyes at him as she flew her hands up in the air. 

"What was that for? What was that for, he asks," the girl half shouted half muttered as she ran a hand through her curly locks, before pointing a bony finger towards him. "Girlfriend? Theodore Nott, do I have to repeat myself five million times?" She yelled, bewildered as he stared wide eyed at her. 

"I just saved you from getting your arse hexed! You could at least say thank you!" He argued, narrowing his mossy green eyes as she rolled her eyes, scoffing at the Slytherin. 

"Thank you? I had that handled thank you very much," she spoke matter of factly with a flick of her hand. This time Theo was the one who rolled his eyes, running a hand through his brunette locks before placing piercing eyes on her. 

"If having a wand pointed at your face by a very angry Professor means handled to you, yeah, sure, you have things handled," he drawled, watching as she began to pace in front of him. Her hands turned into fist, in her right fist held a crumpled piece of pink paper. "Why in Salazar's fucking ball sack were you thinking anyway?" He questioned as she stopped, turning to look at him with furrowed eyebrows. 

She almost found the sentence funny, she supposed if she wasn't as angry as she was ( or perhaps it was anyone but Theodore Nott who said it ) she would laugh at it. But she didn't, instead she returned to her pacing and simply shrugged. "Don't know, I just don't like bullies, especially not to children," she answered simply, chewing on her fingernails as she paced. 

"Would you stop pacing? You're giving me a headache," the boy spoke reaching out and grasping her wrist. She froze again, breathing out heavily out her nostrils before tearing her wrist away from his touch as if he burned her. Theo pretended not to notice the slight cut in his heart at the action, instead very much noticed that she had in fact stopped pacing. She stood, chewing on her nails as she stared at the floor, Theo expected to walk away any moment now, telling him to fuck off over her shoulder. It most certainly didn't expect her to speak. 

"How could they hire her? She's bloody vile and that's coming from someone who's had Snape for the last five years," she paused noticing the way Theo's lips pulled into a frown slightly at her words. "Oh, don't give me that look. You know he is absolute bonkers, mental and cruel to anyone who isn't in Slytherin," she growled, narrowing her eyes as if daring him to disagree. Theodore Nott didn't dare to. 

"It's the Ministry's doing," Theo shrugged as he looked down at the floor, ignoring the way his stomach twisted the longer she stayed. He wondered how this managed to be the longest conversation they ever had. 

"Yeah, well, the Ministry is absolutely shite," she laughed bitterly, her arms wrapping around her waist. Her Ravenclaw robes were undone, exposing the skin of her leg as she leaned against the wall across from him. Her grey stocking stopped just above her knee as her skirt rode up from the bent of her leg as her foot was placed against the wall. Theo found himself flushed slightly, silently cursing himself for staring at the skin against her thigh. He normally didn't pay attention much, but this wasn't just any girl. This was Winnie fucking Buldstrode, the girl he had been practically in love with since third year. 

"You got detention," he inclined his head towards the pink slip, clearing his throat as he looked up at the roof of the hallway. Winnie blinked at his words, eyebrows furrowing in confusion until she remembered the slip clutched tightly in her hand. She snorted, bringing her hand up and peering at the crumpled piece of paper with narrowed eyes. 

"Yeah, that old bat thinks I have an attitude, cute," she drawled smiling before shoving the paper into the pocket of her robes. She pushed her foot off the walk then, laying it over her other foot as she stared at the floor. 

"It is cute," Theo's voice cut through her like ice, shivering down her spine as she looked up at him with narrowed eyes. She expected to see his normal arsehole smirk across his face, just like every other time he complimented her or flirted with her. Yet, all that started back at her was a like of his lips, his green eyes staring holes into her own chocolate brown ones. She fidgeted slightly, her fingers drawing together as she stared at him. Suddenly she was aware of exactly what she was doing, having a conversation with Theodore Nott. She couldn't recall one time she ever had a full conversation with him, when they spoke it often was her yelling at him and him smirking like a shithead. She didn't know how to feel about his new face, his smirk gone and replaced with a look of so much reality and truth that it burned her. And Winnie Buldstrode did the only thing she knew how to ever do, she ran. 

Leaving a stunned Theodore Nott behind, whose eyes watched her disappear down the hallway and around the corner almost as if she was never there in the first place. All the while, Winnie's mind whirled. She was quite positive that she was surely going mad, or worse, she was perfectly sane. 

———————

THERE WAS A REASON why Winnie Buldstrode questioned why she was sorted into Gryffindor. Sure, she had the balls to do so many pranks, she had the balls to stand up to a teacher when they were wrongfully abusing a student. Winnie Buldstrode, however, was not brave by any means. Maybe if she was, so many things in her life would be easier. Maybe she wouldn't be angry all the time, maybe she wouldn't run from her family, maybe she would have the bravery to look them in the face and tell them they were wrong. Maybe she would be brave enough to tell her cousin why she wouldn't give Theo a chance, maybe she would be brave enough to stay and talk to him rather than run. 

Winnie Buldstrode was scared, she was more scared than she liked to admit. She swallowed that bravery and let the fear take over. She often liked to pretend she was alright, that she was brave and not scared. People believed that, because people like to see what they want to see. Even her own cousin believed it, Winnie really couldn't blame her for that, she really harboured no hard feelings towards Cordelia for seeing what Winnie wanted her to see. If anything, Winnie was arguing that she was protecting Cordelia Flint. Protecting her from the true face that was Winnie Buldstrode. 

She pretended that she didn't care much, she pretended it didn't bother her when her parents looked at her with such disappointment. She pretended it didn't bother her when her sister never even dared to look at her in the halls anymore. She pretended it didn't bother her when she awakened some days, feeling coldness grip her shoulder with bony hands, grief washing over, whispering words in her ear that made her want to cry for days on end and to never leave her bed. Winnie Buldstrode didn't ever let herself feel for much, she didn't cry, crying was not an option for her. If she cried, she would have to face the problems she worked so hard to shove down, and Winnie was not brave enough to face it. 

Which was exactly why she made no sign of pain nor anger when she sat at the table in Umbridge's room. It was as if she was a different person compared to the girl who yelled at her Professor just hours before. She simply sat, writing with no ink as the words 'Blood Traitors keep their mouth shut.' It was almost laughable in a way, nobody really called her a blood traitor, though she suspected that what she saw was seen also by many (and most) pure bloods. Her parents always toyed on the line of calling her it but then holding on hope that maybe she'll see reason. 

Hope was a stupid thing to have. 

Winnie suspected she would find herself being blinded by rage later that night, and everytime she would come to look at the words now permanently etched onto the front of her left hand. It was always a cycle for her, moving from angry, to feeling nothing but fear. She used to wonder when it would stop, she stopped wondering after her fourth year. 

Across from her, sat a boy with messy, untamed hair. His green eyes flashing behind round glasses as his eyes kept looking up towards her. The pair could count on one hand how many times they had spoken to each other, once during the first year. After Winnie had run into him on the train, when he was dressed in clothes that seemed to drown him, her sister had laughed at him, while Winnie — noticing the way he stared with flushed cheeks — told him that she liked his glasses. It wasn't until third year they spoke again, seeing as their pasts barely crossed. It was in Professor Lupin's class that they crossed again, the man — by far her favourite teacher — was tutoring her, and apparently Harry as well. For they crossed paths as she was just leaving and he was just arriving, he smiled at her, saying hello. She stared shocked, and maybe harboured some angry thoughts on him at the moment because of him and Weasley abandoning Hermione, yet she said hello all the same. 

They spoke once more their fourth year, this time it had been on purpose and not by accident. Harry had come to her asking if she saw Cathy Chang anywhere, the girl simply said no but asked if she could give her a message. Slumping down and seeming heartbroken, he replied no. It turns out later he was planning on asking Chang to the Yule Ball, she was suddenly glad he didn't ask her to return a message, for in fact Chang had already had a date. Her girlfriend Lucy for that matter. 

They hadn't spoken since, and neither seemed too bothered by it. They weren't friends, only had one tie together due to Hermione Granger. And yet, they formed another tie to each other that day, one now that scarred their body forever. 

It was dark by the time Umbridge let them go, the moon sinking in from the wide windows. Winnie's hand was sore and stinging with dried and new blood mixing together. Her teeth gritted together as her anger returned, glaring darts at the women, especially when she had asked her to return the next day. If looks could kill, Umbridge would be six feet under by now. 

"Bulstrode!" Winnie would soon discover the kindness that grew in Harry Potter's heart, she envied that kindness. How he managed to smile, managed to not fear away from people, she wondered how he did it. She wondered how he wasn't afraid. "Are you alright?" Harry questioned as he rubbed at the back of his neck, the female raising an eyebrow but continuing to fall into a stride with him. 

"I'm fine Potter, thanks." She replied, despite the pain that twinkled through her hand. All she could currently think about was either punching something in the face, or the fact that her stomach seemed to be taking on a voice of its own. "She's a bloody pig, and the freaky cat pictures are going to haunt me." To her surprise, Harry had laughed at that, she found herself grinning at the sound. 

"I thought they were just the cutest, absolutely in order," the boy drawled sarcastically, his hand clutching his bag as they walked. Winnie grinned widely, looking over at him with her head tilted to the side. Harry Potter was the type of person she would've never thought she would find herself talking to, really, she had no bad feelings for him. But she came from a world of darkness, expectations that resulted in hating people like him. He came from a world of light, surrounded by people who love him, people who had loved him enough to die for him. 

"You're alright, Potter," she grinned, looking away as she kept walking past the steps that lead to the Ravenclaw common room.

"Er... thank you?" The boy questioned softly, raising an eyebrow as Winnie snorted, nudging him with her arm. 

"Relax, it was a compliment," she spoke, watching as the boy's face flushed slightly before he nodded, clearing his throat. 

"I... er, you know you went past our common room right?" He questioned slowly as Winnie rolled her eyes, turning towards the Hufflepuff one as she started walking backwards. 

"Really? I had no idea," she spoke gasping, placing her hand on her chest as he snorted slightly. 

"Where are you going?" He questioned, raising his eyebrow as he froze, watching her walk backwards. 

"Kitchens, we missed dinner, I'm starving," she shrugged as if it's the most obvious thing in the world, which to her, it was. She paused then, as eyes trailing over him as she suddenly remembered who she was talking to. Remembering the way Cordelia grew nervous whenever the boy was around, or the way he avoided her gaze as if his life depended on it. Smirking, Winnie tilted her head to the side, "Want to join me?" 

Harry blinked at her, half expecting her to take away the invitation but she stood, awaiting an answer his stomach growled. Flushing red, he nodded before hurrying down after her. Winnie breathed out a smile, turning on her heel and continuing towards the kitchen with Harry in tow. She was half inviting him to get dirt on him to see if he was interested in Cordelia in any way, but half inviting him so she wouldn't be alone with her thoughts. Fear. 

They halted as they reached the opening to the kitchen, Winnie reaching up on her toes to tickle the pear with her finger. Stepping backwards, she watched as the portrait parted, exposing a small hallway. She stepped in first, not waiting to see if Harry was going to. Quickly she stepped into the light of the kitchens, where almost admittedly a house elf appeared. 

"Miss is here, can Binky get Miss anything?" The small house elf asked as she twirled her left ear, Winnie smiling softly just as Harry came into view behind her. Just as he did, another house elf appeared, this one wearing a knitted sweater and mismatched socks. 

"Harry Potter came to see Dobby! Harry Potter is a generous wizard yes he is," the house elf named Dobby smiled widely as he stared at Harry, who Winnie noticed shifted on his feet slightly. The girl chuckled before she returned her attention back to Binky who was watching her with watery eyes. 

"Can I just have a peanut butter sandwich and hot cocoa Binky, please?" Winnie questioned softly as the house nodded her head. 

"Binky will have that ready for Miss right away," Binky disappeared with a tiny crack, her tiny voice disappearing with her just as Dobby did. Winnie glanced up at Harry who was flushed in the face and scratching the back of his neck, she snorted slightly before walking over towards one of the stools next to the table. Sitting her bag down on the table beside her, her eyes fell down to the words against her hand. The word blood traitor standing out with dried blood as she tore her eyes away, staring at the flickering flames of the fire in the fireplace next to them. 

"Why does your hand say blood traitor?" Harry questioned quietly after a few minutes, the female looking over at him as her lips pulled into a thin line. Her eyes fell down to hand as she bit the bottom of her lip, dragging her teeth across it. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked, it's none of—"

"My parents believe in blood supremacy." She cut him off sharply, her eyes flickering back to the fireplace as she watched the flames grow. "They're a long line of Slytherins, they expected me to be like them. Like my sister, believe in blood supremacy, be a Slytherin who's vile and cruel. I never understood it as a child," the girl paused for a moment as she frowned, fear and loneliness crippling her. "The Bulstrode Manor is beside a muggle town you know, as a kid I would sneak away. Hide in a tree and watch the muggles, for hours before I had to come back." 

A crack signaled the arrival of the house elves, Binky setting Winnie's sandwich and hot cocoa in front of her. While Dobby set Mac and Cheese and pumpkin juice in front of him, the two biding a thank you to each house elf before they were alone again. Winnie chewed silently on her sandwich as her eyes watched the magicked spoon stir her hot cocoa. 

"Why did you watch them? The muggles I mean," Harry questioned after a moment, his hand lifting the cup of pumpkin juice to his lips as Winnie looked over at him. Eyes drawn closed as she swallowed thickly before sighing. 

"My parents told me they were dirty all my life, they stole things from us. As a kid, you believe whatever you are told. I didn't mean to find them at first, I was simply climbing trees, but once I did, I couldn't stop," she paused as she opened her eyes, seeing Harry watching her closely. "I didn't see what they said they were, I saw... I saw just people, like you and me, only without magic. But I saw families, happy, and then I would return to the cold of my Manor, and it was like nothing made sense." She shrugged, shrugging in her seat as she took another bite of her sandwich. 

"I know someone like you," Harry stayed quietly, Winnie shot her head towards him. Someone like her? She doubted that surely, if he did why didn't she know them? Nobody got it, nobody truly understood what happened when she was home. What it felt like, she truly doubted he did. "Er ... I mean," Harry paused, his face flush almost as if he was trying to cover something. Something that she didn't exactly know what it was. 

"Are you lying?" She questioned, watching him closely as his mouth fell open, his green eyes narrowing at her question. 

"No I'm not lying, it's just," he paused as he breathed out frustratedly, Winnie furrowing her eyebrows as she watched him intently. "It's hard to explain, but I do know someone like you. Who went against their own family," he added quietly as Winnie scuffed, dropping her sandwich and picking up her mug. 

"I haven't gone against my family," she didn't even believe the words when it left her mouth, and apparently Harry didn't either. For he looked over at her then, his eyebrow raised slightly. 

"No? Then do you agree with them? About blood supremacy, because you seem pretty close to Hermione," he stated as Winnie frowned, looking down at the liquid in the white mug before she sighed. Eyebrows furrowing together, it was different when it was put like that. She had no problem admitting she was the disappointment, she had no problem admitting she wasn't like them. But going against them seemed more real, and with real caused fear that she didn't know how to overcome. 

Suddenly the walls of the room seemed to close in on her, her chest tightened as she shut her eyes. Forcing herself to breathe sharply in and out, controlling her mind as it moved quicker than she could process. Harry seemed to notice her state, for he quickly changed the subject, Winnie would later feel more grateful for Harry Potter than she thought she ever would. 

"Hermione said you were coming Saturday," Harry spoke smoothly as Winnie opened her eyes, swallowing her emotions by drowning them in hot cocoa. 

"Uhm, yeah. Yeah I am," she smiled briskly, though Harry noticed how it didn't reach her eyes. "Cordelia is too," she added quickly, watching as his lips pulled into a frown as he looked at her. The mention of Cordelia seemed to work like a charm, however, for his lips fell open for a brief moment and his face flushed. The boy averted his gaze and stuffed his face with a mouthful of food, it was almost comedical really. Winnie found herself holding back a laugh as she too, took a bite out of her sandwich. 

"Oh, erm, that's cool, yeah... that's cool," Harry replied, stumbling over his words as he looked elsewhere. The girl giggled slightly, eyeing him before turning towards the fire once more. Her hand holding the last piece of the peanut butter sandwich. "Is she like... like you or your parents?" Harry questioned slowly, his voice a whisper as Winnie turned her gaze to him. Meeting his vibrant green eyes with her own clouded brown. 

"She's not a bad person Harry, if that's what you're asking," she replied thickly, narrowing her eyes at him as he looked down, staring at the remains of his food. "She's a better person than most, better than me honestly," she laughed softly, looking down as she smiled sadly. "If you're asking me who she's like, she's like no one. She's herself," she answered, watching the liquid in her mug swirl softly. 

The unlikely pair didn't speak much after that, instead enjoying the silence that moved around them before they parted their separate ways. By the time Winnie Buldstrode found herself laying in the comfort of her four poster bed, with her blue curtains drawn shut she found herself staring in the darkness. The sound of her black cat purring next to her as her fingers treaded softly through the fur. The weight of her lies and mask slipped off her body, only to be added once more when she awoke in the early morning. But for not, she allowed herself to feel it. Feel the pain and fear that slowly ate away at her, leaving her nothing but a shell of herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> awh besties <3


	7. V. hogs head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winnie decides Zacharias Smith is nothing but a wet sock

WINNIE BULDSTRODE WOULD BE lying if she said she found herself smiling at all the past few days, she had been drifting from classes, only to end up sitting in an overly pink room, where a permanent scar would trace the skin on her hand forever. She was positively angry if she were to be honest with herself, she suddenly found herself missing crazy Mad-Eye Moody, at least he didn't leave scars on students. ( though he did turn one of them into a ferret, but Winnie believed the bastard deserved it. ) 

She moved like a shell, faking emotions that wasn't anger. It didn't help that Harry had taken up on following her to the kitchens each afternoon, though she supposed she could have gained worse company. Friday evening, after both their hands were scarred again until they were pointed with blood, they found themselves sharing a Muggle food that Harry had called pizza. Winnie had been skeptical at first, she didn't think how anything with mushrooms and pepperoni on it would taste good. Though, when she managed to pry the mushrooms off, she had found herself quite enjoying it. They shared the pan of food, while Harry continued to rant quite angrily about how his friends were constantly getting on him for his hand. She thought he was being quite stubborn, but didn't say anything to object it.

Despite the booming headache that seemed to follow on her like a horrid weather cloud, she had managed to at least place a smile on her face the next day. In fact, half of it, she wasn't even faking. Her mood was certainly brightened when she left Honeydukes, millions of bags in her hands with an assortment of candy. Plus, the tie and coat that she insisted she needed, and maybe, just maybe, Winnie enjoyed dragging Cordelia around with her. 

It was both a blessing and curse that Winnie wasn't close to her family members, she supposed at one point she could say differently, but that was a long time ago, moments scattered away in the wind with all her parents hopes and dreams for her. Winnie Buldstrode could say that she was her own family, and if she made up her own family, Cordelia was also in it. Which is exactly why when Cordelia mentioned that it was Max's birthday, Winnie decided she would do anything to take her cousins mind off of it. 

Winnie Buldstrode wasn't close her cousin, Max was someone she only heard of but never saw. Almost like a fairytale, made up by parents to make their children sleep. But Max Fling was incredibly real, so real that when he was gone he left a mark, a scar on those behind. Winnie never knew him, but she wished she did. But Winnie couldn't change what she wished to happen and what actually happened, wishing for hopeful girls, and Winnie Buldstrode wasn't exactly a hopeful person. But she as good at distracting, so distracting is what she would do.

Which is exactly why the girl was suddenly ten times more thankful for the beloved Golden Trio and their brilliant idea of a meeting at HogsHead. The female walked into the dusty building, noting the dirt that piled up on the windows, blocking out sunlight unto the pub. She had just assured her cousin that only a few people would be joining, though Winnie wasn't exactly sure on that fact. As soon as she let the Weasley twins and Lew Jordan in, the cousin following after them, she knew a few people would turn into a whole group. The female screwed up her nose, her eyes looking around the group who all stopped talking as her and Cordelia walked into the room. 

The girl rolled her eyes, clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth and holding back a colourful comment somewhere along the lines of 'idiots' 'bloody wankers.' Instead, her eyes scanned the room, instantly knowing that she was in fact right. There was more than just a few people around them. The Golden Trio all stood in the back, Winnie exchange a small grin and sticking up her thumb to Harry who rolled his eyes at her but grinned all the same. She noticed Cedric Diggory standing on his crutches beside the bar, Neville Longbottom was sitting in a chair besides Dean Thomas and Lavender Brown. 

Padma was sitting with her twin sister, Parvati, Winnie grinning and waving at Parvati who waved when she noticed Winnie. Cathy Chang and her girlfriend Lucy Weaver were taking a seat in the far corner, next to them sat Luna Lovegood, who was sitting and smiling softly as if the room was locked into a soft melody. Ginny Weasley sat beside her, red hair tied into braids with a butter beer in her hands. The rest of the room was sorted out between people of the Gryffindor quidditch team, a boy with a camera in his hands that he was holding tightly, and then assortment of Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs. Winnie jumped slightly as Cordelia elbowed her in the gut, whispering something along the lines of ' a few people?, which Winnie only shrugged in reply before moving to find seats. 

Winnie sighed, being grateful that her arms could rest as she laid her bags down on the floor beside her. When suddenly a thought that she could've used a weightless charm on them hit her, Merlin, she was a witch after all! Winnie eye's widen slightly as she heard Cordelia tell everyone off for looking at her, which — for the record — Winnie thought that her point was in fact true, she still elbowed her anyway. "Don't be so aggressive," she growled slightly, narrowing her eyes at her cousin before looking to see Zacharias Smith looking at them. The blonde narrowed her eyes further at the Hufflepuff boy. 

"They were staring at me, it's not my fault—"

"Behave yourself," Winnie warned, looking back at Cordelia as she pursed her lips, wagging a finger in her face. "Please." 

"How do you expect me to behave myself when he's here and all these people are staring at me!" Cordelia argues, making a face as Winnie sighed. Pinching the bridge of her nose and breathing out heavily, by hindsight, Winnie should've known this would've happened. Perhaps if her week wasn't constantly being pulled apart by a witch with a pink obsession, she would let Cordelia be. But right now, she needed some peace, and this, this would give her some of it. 

"Just try okay? Now, shut up." Winnie frowned before turning and looking ahead of herself, sitting straight and being determined to just pay attention to whatever hell broke out here in next. She briefly heard her cousin argue, but had been cut off quite quickly by someone clearing their throat. Hermione has gotten to her feet, her wild hair pulled to a ponytail at the top of her head as her eyes looked around the room. She shifted her feet, awkward nerves wavering off of her. Hermione's eyes met Winnie's for a spilt moment, and the Gryffindor girl found herself doing the same thing she did for Harry. Her thumb went up in the air slightly as she turned her lips up into a smile. 

"You, erm, know why you're here... Erm, well Harry here," she got cut off by Harry throwing her a look, Winnie grinned, hiding her lips behind her hand as she watched the two. "I mean, I had the idea, that it might be good for people who wanted to study Defense Against the Dark Arts, and I mean really study it, you know, not the rubbish that Umbridge is teaching us." Hermione paused, standing straighter with her voice suddenly becoming more stern and less wavering as the moments went by. "Because nobody could call that Defence Against the Dark Arts, and I, well, thought it might be good if, we, um took matters into our own hands." 

Winnie blinked, sitting still just as Fred Weasley yelled out a 'Hear, Hear,' causing Hermione's cheeks to flush slightly as she shot a side ways glance at Harry, before continuing. "And by that, I mean learning how to defend ourselves properly, not just the theory but the real spells—"

"You want to pass your Defence Against the Dark Arts O.W.L too, I bet?" Terry Boot asked, Winnie snorting slightly thinking that the answer to that was pretty damn obvious. 

"Of course I do! But I want more than that. I want to be properly trained in Defence... because," she paused, sucking in a breath, then spoke again, her voice hesitant but strong all the same. "Because Lord Voldermort is back." The fallout of Hermione saying the name was almost instant, Winnie herself jumped and sloshed Butterbeer down over her. Causing her to curse slightly, and quickly tap her hand against her dress coat, ignoring the prickling cold her she felt down her back. The hairs on her neck standing up as she stood up straighter, wrapping her hands tightly around her cup and placing a sudden mask over her face, one she learned to control quite well over the years. A mask of nothing but bitter eyes and a thin line of her lips. 

"That's the plan anyway," Hermione continued, "if you want to join us, we need to decide how we're going to—" 

"Where's the proof that You-Know-Who's back?" Zacharais Smith questioned as Winnie rolled her eyes, already sick of hearing his voice. 

"Well, Dumbledore believes it," Hermione started, only to be cut off once more. 

"You mean, Dumbledore believes him," added Zach, nodding in Harry's direction as Winnie stared bullets at the side of his head. 

"Who are you?" Ron Weasley asked suddenly, his voice booming as he stared daggers at the boy. Winnie never had a conversation right out with the redhead male, he glared at her once after finding out she belonged to a family of snakes, and Winnie simply flipped him off. Now, now Winnie could argue that she admired him. Simply for standing up for his friend. especially against Zacharias bloody Smith. 

"Zacharais Smith," the blond spoke matter of factly as Winnie took a sip of her Butterbeer. "I think we've got the right to know exactly what makes him say You-Know-Who is back." 

Winnie suddenly had the strong urge to strangle the bloody Hufflepuff. 

Luckily, Cordelia spoke before she could. "Zach, shut up and let Granger speak! I wasn't dragged here to listen to you—"

"You can't tell me what to do anymore!" The blond argued, flashing his blue eyes at Cordelia, "we've broken up, remember?" Winnie gripped her drink tightly, biting down sharply on her tongue she was sure she would taste blood in a minute. But, Winnie Buldstrode couldn't keep it in any longer. Snapping at Zacharias Smith was just far too tempting. 

"And you cheated on her, remember?" Winnie snapped, standing up her eyes narrowed as she snarled, lip curling up in disgust. She may be a Ravenclaw, but she was raised by Slytherin's, and memorizing their actions was easy as blinking. One arm wrapped around her waist as the other held on tightly to her butterbeer. She held back a grin at noticing the boys face pale slightly, "Now, do us all a favour and shut your mouth before I hex you!" She seethed, eyes staying narrowed as she sat back down, taking a long swing of her butterbeer before crossing her legs and look straight ahead of her. 

"Look," Hermione cut in swiftly, clearing the awkward tension the drifted around the room. "That's not really what this is suppose to be about—"

"It's okay, Hermione," Harry spoke, cutting off Hermione as Winnie turned her attention to the raven haired male. Winnie noticed the way his eyes fell to the girl sitting next to him, the brunette turning her head just in time to notice Cordelia's face flush. "What makes me say, You-Know-Who is back? I saw him, but Dumbledore told the whole school what happened last year, and if you don't believe him, you don't believe me, and I'm not wasting a Saturday trying to convince anyone." 

Winnie held here breath slightly, watching as the male's hand started to shake. Her eyes moved around the room, where everyone sat unblinking or uttering a single word. Winnie frowned slightly, her eyes falling on Cedric Diggory who looked as pale as the snow outside the darkened pub. Winnie felt her own skin grow bitter, the thought of even seeing the man that everyone feared left her feeling an emptiness in her stomach, her heart thumping loudly in her ear. 

"All Dumbledore told us last year was that Cedric's injuries—" Zacharias spoke again, her heart turning to stone as she turned to narrow her eyes once more at the blond. "Were caused by You-Know-Who and that you brought him back to Hogwarts. He didn't give us any details, he didn't tell us exactly how it happened, and I think we'd all like to know—" Winnie was once again fighting the urge to not only strangle the boy, but kick him out all together. She wasn't one to believe everything she heard unless she managed to fact check it first, but Winnie wasn't ignorant or blind. This, this was just planning stupid. Zacharias Smith was stupid boy and she could never figure out why he would want to know the events that took place in the Graveyard, only fools wanted to know everything. 

"If you've come to hear exactly what it looks like when Voldermort tries to kill someone, then I can't help you," Harry spoke once more, his green eyes glittering with annoyance that Winnie couldn't fault him for having. "I don't want to talk about it, okay? So if that's what you're here for, you might as well clear out." Winnie sat squared on the wooden chair, half expecting a few people to get up and leave. In fact, she made a point of staring quite coldly at Zacharias, daring him to leave. And yet, he didn't, instead he sat, shutting his mouth, and maybe Winnie thought he had some potential somewhere, deep down. 

"So," Hermione spoke finally, the confidence she once had leaking out of her. "Like I was saying ... if you want to learn some defence, then we need to work out how we're going to do it, and where—"

"Is it true," asked Susan Bones suddenly, a Hufflepuff girl in their year. Hermione shoot the girl a look of dismay, probably getting annoyed with being cut off so often. "That you can produce a patronus?"

"He can produce a patronus?" Cordelia whispered over to Winnie, who shot a look before nodding her head softly. 

"Yeah," she whispered, watching as Harry rubbed his neck sheepishly. "Hermione told me," she answered, seemingly unsurprised by the fact anymore, Hermione had told her sometime in their fourth year, when the Gryffindor girl was ranting about being worried for Harry she had let it slip out that he could. Winnie had been so surprised she had jumped and spilled ink all over her parchment. 

"A corporeal patronus?" Susan asked again, swinging her long braid over her shoulder. 

"Er— you don't know Madam Bones do you?" Harry questioned awkwardly, his finger pulling on a string from his hoodie sleeve. 

"She's my auntie," Susan confirmed with a soft smile across her face, "she told me you can make a stag patronus." 

"Yes," Harry spoke looking down, Winnie thought he seemed rather bored, it was a fact that she couldn't blame him to have. The tan skinned girl looked over at her cousin, watching the Slytherin girl look like she was stuck looking at Harry as if he had all the answers, this caused the girl to smile slightly. Bringing her glass up to her lips once more and looking back to the front. She had missed the conversation for a part of it, though Winnie couldn't say she missed much, she supposed it was just people being amazed a Harry. 

"And did you kill the Basilik with that sword in Dumbledore's office?" Terry Boot questioned as Winnie raised her eyebrow, "one of the portraits on the wall told me when I was there last year." 

"Er— yeah I did," Harry answered as a few people whistled around them, Winnie found herself being slightly impressed, looking around and watching people's face break out into both looks of awes and wonder. 

"And in the first year," added Neville Longbotto, his blond hair falling in front of his face slightly. "He saved that Sorcerous Stone—"

"Sorcerer's," Hermione hissed correcting him, just as Winnie screwed up her nose at the missed pronunciation. 

"Yes, that, from You-Know-Who!" Neville beamed, his slightly chubbier cheeks filling out into a smile. Winnie found her annoyance vanishing as she blinked, she knew Harry was brilliant, being able to produce a patronus was evidence enough, but being eleven and doing that? Winnie felt a sudden new burst of appreciation for her new detention partner. 

"And that's not to mention," Cedric apple finally, shifting in his seat with his crutches beside him. His face was no longer as white as it was moments before, but it was still noticeably lost of colour. "All the tasks you had to complete in the Triwizard Tournament last year — they were insanely difficult. Oh, and getting me out of that ... that maze alive, I reckon I wouldn't even be here without you." 

There was a murmur of agreement amongst the group, Winnie found herself to be one of them, there was no use doubting it. If it wasn't for Harry, she doubted if Cedric would be sitting there right now. Harry, however, looked as if he was fighting a mental battle within himself. "Look, I ... I don't want to sound like I'm being modest or anything, but I had a lot of help with that stuff..." 

"Not with the dragon, you didn't," said Michael Corner, gripping onto Ginny Weasley's hand. Winnie briefly wondered when the two had gotten together. "That was a seriously cool bit of flying."

"Yeah well—" Harry began, but Winnie had gotten suddenly sick of him pretending that he wasn't a great wizard, in fact, she believed Harry Potter was an amazing wizard. Not just because of what the history books said, but because he did do all these things, he did them. 

"And nobody helped you get rid of those Dementors last summer," Winnie spoke smiling, catching the boy with the round glasses eyes, his eyes flickering to Cordelia sitting next to her as Winnie's lips titled into a smirk. 

"No, no, okay. I know I did some of those things without help, but the point I'm trying to make is—" Harry was cut off once more, Winnie started to wonder if anyone could ever get a sentence out around here. 

"Are you trying to weasel your way out of showing us any of this stuff," Zacharias asked again, his arms crossed over his chest. Winnie sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of her nose and suddenly taking back the beloved thought of him having potential anywhere deep down.

"Here's an idea," Ron Weasley spoke once more, "how about you shut your mouth?" 

"Hear, Hear," Winnie spike, not hiding any tone of her distaste as she grinned, narrowing her eyes at Zach who flushed once more. Before she winked at the redhead who flushed slightly, before pointing his blue eyes back to Zach, narrowing them. 

"Well," Zach started once more, Winnie leaning her head back letting out a groan. She had a feeling his voice would become her source of nightmares in the future, "we've all turned up to learn from him, and now he's telling he really can't do any of it."

"That's not what he said," Fred Weasley snarled. 

"Would you like us to clean out your ears for you?" George Weasley questioned, pulling out a long, deadly looking metal stick out of his Zonko's bag. Lee Jordan giggled beside him as Winnie's face titled up into a grin. She didn't usually agree with the twins breaking the rules for their jokes, but she figured she could even find herself laughing at this one. 

"Or any part of your body really, we're not fussy where we stick this," added Fred as Winnie now giggled. Covering it with her white cloved hand as she looked away. 

"Yes well," Hermione spoke hastily, "moving on ... the point is, are we agreed we want to take lessons from Harry?" Winnie suddenly was brought back from the reality of the situation, this wasn't just a fun group of learning defence spells to cure boredom. This was learning in order to protect themselves from a threat that grew silently, suddenly her throat ran dry. 

Would she need to learn this? Would her life be thrown into a world of lies and needing to learn how to defend herself? 

Winnie found herself thinking back to her parents, with their pure blood mind set and the thirst to always be first and better then anyone else. Her skin ran as cold as a winters day, her lips sucking in a breath as she realized that she needed this. There will come a time when she would have to choose, though in reality, her mind had already been set the day she joined Ravenclaw house. 

"Right," Hermione spoke after everyone nodded in agreement, relief rushing over like a wave. "The next question is how often we do it. I really don't think there's much point in meeting less than once a week—"

"Hang on," Angelia spoke up, "we need to make sure this doesn't clash with our Quidditch practice." 

"No," Cathy Chang agreed, twisting a lock of black hair between her fingers. "Nor with ours." 

"Or ours!" Zach agreed rather aggressively, Winnie held back a point of saying that they should make it exactly on his practice days, but then remembered she didn't hate all Hufflepuffs, just the ones who cheat. 

"I'm sure we can find a night that suits everyone," Hermione replied, slightly impatient, as evidence by the way she casted a rather annoyed look in the direction of the Quidditch players. "But you know, this is rather important, we're talking about learning to defend ourselves against V-Voldermort's Death Eaters!" 

Winnie found herself shivering once more at the mention of his name and his followers, fear picked her like a child picked a candy. Uncaring and full of greed, and Winnie found herself at a victim to it once more. "We also think that the reason Umbridge doesn't want us trained in Defence Against the Dark Arts is that she's got some ... some mad idea that Dumbledore could use the students in the school as a private army, and go against the Ministry." 

Everyone around looked stunned, yet Winnie found herself grinning slightly. This didn't surprise her, the whole idea gave off a huge clue just by the way Umbitch talked so highly about the Ministry as if she got her knickers off by it. Cordelia didn't seem to be surprised, and apparently, neither did Luna Lovegood who had spoken up rather brightly. "Well, that makes sense. After all, Cornelius Fudge has got some private army of Helopaths." Winnie furrowed her eyebrows, wondering what in Rowena Ravenclaw was bloody helopaths. But as Hermione and Luna argued over whether or not they were real, Winnie thought it was best if she just smiled and nodded if Luna ever brought it up to her. 

"Weren't we trying to decide how often we're going to meet?" Ginny Weasley spoke suddenly, cutting off the argument, as she looked rather bored with her two friends. 

"Yes," Hermione agreed, clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth. "You're right, you're right..." 

"Once a week sounds cool," suggested Lee Jordan from beside George. 

"Great!" Hermione clapped her hands, smiling softly in excitement. "Now, the other thing to decide is where we're going to meet." 

Winnie chewed on the inside of her cheek, looking down at the dusty floor below her feet before she cleared her throat. "I doubt that we would be able to use an empty classroom or the library, Madam Pince wouldn't take well to us using defensive spells and ruining her precious books, would she?" 

"And us doing all that stuff in an empty classroom might be seen as a little too... rebellious for a 'study' group," Harry agreeded, as Winnie snorted slightly. 

"Well, we'll find somewhere," Hermione said, pulling her bag into her lap and began rummaging through it, pulling out a piece of parchment and a quill. "I think everyone should know write their name down, just so we know who was here. But I also think," she let out a sigh as she looked down at the parchment. "That we all ought to agree not to shout all about what we're doing. So if you're signing, you're agreeing to not tell Umbridge, anyone, what we're up to."

Fred Weasley enthusiastically placed his name down on the parchment, followed by George who followed in suit. Before Winnie could register what she was doing, she was up, taking the pen from the Weasley boy and writing her name down neatly. Winnie Buldstrode, she smiled, twirling the pen and handing it to the next person in line. Standing, she shifted herself to stand beside the three Gryffindors, her eyes going to Hermione's first. "You did so well, taking that Gryffindor bravery and all," Winnie grinned as the shorter brunette grinned, wringing her hands together. 

"Oh! I was so worried people wouldn't agree, but thank you for coming," Hermione sighed, offering her a smile as Winnie nodded her head. Her eyes turning to Harry who was watching someone over her shoulder, Winnie looked to his line of eye sight, noticing him watching Cordelia who was standing rather anxiously besides Cedric Diggory. 

"Potter," the girl spoke, smirking as she raised an eyebrow, his face flushing bright red. "You did good as well, don't be so modest Potter, you're a brilliant wizard," she nodded, watching as he looked down. The girl rolled her eyes, sighing as she reached over to nudge him with her fist. "You're a great bloody wanker though, I'll give you that." 

"Says the one who likes peanut butter sandwiches," he grinned, the flush going away from his face which made Winnie feel incredibly thankful for it. 

"How dare you? It's the meal made by the heavens," she gasped, placing her hand on her chest before laughing slightly. Her eyes moving to Ron who was standing looking between the two with narrowed eyes. 

"You know, Weasley, we should plan to take down Smith over there, you with your bloody temper and me with my irrational brains, could be fun," she shrugged, smirking as the boy blinked at her once, his eyes moving to Harry and Hermione who watched the two interact for the first time. 

"I think Buldstrode, we might just have a deal," Winnie let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding at his words, she didn't really care if people liked her much, — liar — but after taking a liking to Hermione and Harry, she felt the need to gain the approval of the redhead boy as well. 

Winnie glanced over her shoulder at her cousin, seeing her talking to Zacharias. She sighed, looking back at the trio, "speak of the devil," she muttered before offering the three a smile. "Gotta go see if I need to slay a beast I'm afraid, see you around," she smiled, waving her hand before walking over towards her cousin. Her smile fading as she noticed Cordelia quickly leave and slam the door behind her. The brunette stopped, throwing a sharp glare at Zach who instantly turned and vanished away in a group of Hufflepuffs. 

"Bloody coward," the girl hissed shaking her head, she quickly picked up her bags from the floor before opening the door. Instantly, she was hit with a wave of fresh air, taking in a sharp breath full of bitter, fresh air, she suddenly wished to never step inside the dusty pub ever again. 

"What was that about?" Winnie questioned as she fixed her gloves, taking out her wand and applying a weightless charm along her bags so she could carry them without causing her arms to weigh down like boulders. 

"He wanted to talk," Cordelia replied as Winnie furrowed her eyebrows, her head nodding as she they started to walk through the snow. 

"Do you know why?" Winnie questioned slowly, her eyes watching as the new fallen snow started covering the older foot prints. 

"No, and I don't care to find out, either. It's a waste of my time," Cordelia replied thickly, sticking her chin in the air as Winnie glanced at her from the corner of her eye. 

"You're right," the girl spoke, deciding a change in subject was in order. Especially after noticing Harry leave HogsHead somewhere behind them. "But I did notice something though, while we were inside." Winnie smirked, throwing her hair over her shoulder as she looked at Cordelia. 

"What?"

"Harry Potter couldn't keep his eyes off of you, could he?" Winnie teased, nudging her cousin with her shoulder slightly, her dark eyes sparkling as Cordelia turned to look at her. Winnie noticed the slight flush of Cordelia's cheeks as she adverted her eyes to the shops windows around them. The eldest Buldstrode grinned, her eyes looking ahead of them in the snow as they walked back up towards Hogwarts. 

So clearly Harry Potter had an affect on her cousin, and Cordelia Flint clearly had an affect on Harry. 

Winnie Buldstrode could use this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some dialogue belongs to jkr ( unfortunately ) and not myself or zoe <3


	8. VI. arms length

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winnie Buldstrode won’t let herself fall, no matter how tempting it may be.

IT WAS LATER THAT same night when Winnie Buldstrode found herself with her head resting against her favourite table in the back of the library. Her eyes lips parted slightly as books laid out around her in disorganized stacks. Her tangled blonde hair sat in a bun on top of her head, a quill stuffed in through the locks. She had returned from Hogshead hours before, and instead of finding herself in the Ravenclaw room, her feet carried her to the library. 

Which was exactly how Theodore Nott found her that night, dinner had been over for an hour, and the girl with the blue and bronze robes had slept through it all. Theo wasn't a trouble maker, — he totally was — nor was he one to stick his nose into places it didn't belong. The male knew better than to pry, he had done it once before, with his father, and that landed him with a truth he wished he didn't discover. But Theo wasn't stupid, no matter who liked to think he was.

Theodore Nott was an actor, a mask of who he actually was, buried deep within himself. Keeping people close was harmful, keeping people at arm's length was easier. He realized that at a young age, maybe it was the murder of his mother from the twisted hands of his father, maybe it was the fact that his childhood best friend traded him for goons who hardly made a brain when added together. 

Theodore Nott was quite fine with having nobody, he supposed it wasn't all true. He had Cordelia Flint and Claire Tamashiro, the boy always told himself that was enough for him. Theo didn't need anyone else, and yet, he found himself constantly drawn to another. 

At first, it was only an act of being annoying. Winifred Buldstrode, with her snow white hair and wrinkled up nose anytime she looked at him. Winnie Buldstrode and her narrowed eyes aimed pointed for him, Winnie Buldstrode and the sudden kindness she would show in burst for Cordelia. The girl was a mystery to him, and at first, it was only to drive her mad. Even as a young child, the big enjoyed seeing how she would flare like an ember at him, hair buzzing as her magic surged through it. 

And then she punched Draco Malfoy. 

After that, Theodore Nott saw her in a different light. Maybe there's something to say about him for that, how he suddenly grew to have the biggest crush on a girl only because she used violence against a blond brat. Yet, Theo didn't question why, or how strange it was. Because suddenly, Winifred Buldstrode was brilliant. She was brilliant despite her narrowed eyes, brilliant despite the fact his father liked to call her a blood traitor. Theo swore he would marry her one day, which he knew seemed totally irrational and yet, he couldn't find it in himself to care much. 

So, perhaps Theodore Nott didn't keep everyone at arms length, and perhaps he was too nosy for his own good. Which is exactly why he found himself in the library, in the same spot he knew was hers. He had spent the whole walk there, dressed in a black knitted sweater, the fabric covering his neck, trying to find a perfect line to say to her when he saw her. 

Expect, it all went out the window as he saw her asleep on the table. Her eyebrows furrowed as if her mind was ruining her dreamless sleep, Theo found himself wanting to know what was causing her eyebrows to frown. The flickering candles casted a hue on her skin, eyelashes curling against her cheek. Theo took note of the small ink mark that was smeared across her left cheek, the boy suddenly shifted on his feet. Looking around the nearly empty library, before back at the sleeping girl. 

Just as quickly as the scene laid out in front of him appeared, it shifted. Winnie stirred, her eye blinking as she yawned. The female moved her head, feeling the strain of a muscle in her neck. She blinked, dazed as she wiped at her mouth, eyes growing hazy as she blinked furiously. Winnie wrinkled her nose, looking down at her potions essay, which now had a dried ink spill across the top of it. She frowned, sighing before rubbing at her eyes slightly, only then did she notice someone else standing close by. 

"Theo!" The girl spoke suddenly, her body jumping in the wooden chair. If she wasn't still dazy with sleep eating away at her mind, she may have noticed that she called him Theo, instead of Nott. However, the boy with the brunette locks and piercing green eyes did notice. He noticed well enough to remember thinking he liked hearing his name come out of his mouth. "What are you doing here?" She questioned, starting to collect her things as she noticed the darkened sky outside. 

"In the library? Sniffing books, things like that," he shrugged, grinning as he walked closer, his hands stuffed into his trousers. Winnie froze, her hands screwing the bottle of ink close as she narrowed her eyes, suddenly remembering who exactly was standing beside her. 

"Very funny, real witty," she muttered, rolling her eyes as she threw her bag over her shoulder. Pushing her chair back and smoothing down the fabric of her blue Ravenclaw sweater, before she moved to walk past him. Completely ready to ignore his existence and instead make her way down to the kitchens for the fourth night in the row. While she made her way straight there, Theodore Nott decided to follow her. She had made it as far as the staircase before she finally turned, her arms moving to rest across her chest as she stared up at him. 

"What are you doing?" She questioned sharply, tapping her foot on the ground as she watched him grin. His eyebrow raised as the corner of his lips pulled up into a smug grin. Winnie Buldstrode wanted to slap the smug look right off his face. 

"Walking, breathing, existing. You know, all those beautiful things," he smirked, leaning in slightly. The smell of spice and cinnamon filling her senses and leaving her momentarily speechless. She blinked, staring up at him as the smell weighed around her, until finally she stepped back. 

"Why are you following me?" She questioned, twisting her lips into a thin line, staring up at the taller boy who grinned once more. 

"Oh I'm following you? I'm just walking," he shrugged as Winnie rolled her eyes, sighing and turning once more. Continuing her walk down towards the kitchens, believing he'll just walk away after she ignored him long enough. 

"You're like a bloody puppy," she sighed, shaking her head as she stopped at the bottom of the stairs, her head tilting to look at him as he looked down at her. Taking a step down from the last step to stand beside her, Winnie glanced at a few younger kids who passed by them. Slytherin's wearing green and black robes as they laughed silently amongst themselves. 

"A cute puppy though, right?" He questioned, titling his head to the side as she rolled her eyes. Reviving forward and nudging him with her fist on the shoulder, watching as he watched her hand moments before flickering his eyes back to meet her own. 

"In your dreams, Nott," the girl clicked her tongue on the roof of mouth, before she glanced back at the hallway towards the kitchens before back at him. "Right, well, I'm going to go, so..." she paused, walking backwards as he watched, before he moved to follow her. 

"Are you going to the kitchens, Bulstrode? Mind having an eating partner, I'm positively famished," Theo smiled, rubbing his hand against his stomach as Winnie stopped, her eyes staring up at him. Realistically, she had two choices. She could easily turn and leave, walk back up to her common room and go to sleep without a care for Theodore Nott. Choice two was that she could put up with the bloody wanker for one evening and go get something to eat. 

In the end, her stomach rumbled and choice two took the winning trophy. 

"You can come," she started, watching as the split look of disbelief washed over the boy's face. "Only, only if you let me eat in peace and not bloody drive me mad like you usually do." She spoke, wagging a finger in his face as he stared at her for a moment. His lips pulled into a line, until finally he cracked a half smile. Looping his arm around her shoulder and dragging her along to the fruit bowl. 

"I knew one day you'll warm up to me, I'm not as terrible as you so strongly believe," Theo sing-songed, voice held high and airy as Winnie snaked herself out from under his arm. Rolling her eyes, she pinched the bridge of her nose watching as he tickled the bear in the fruit bowl. 

"You've been here before?" She questioned, furrowing her eyebrows as he stepped back from the archway in the door, his arm going across his torso, the boy leaning down and waving for her to go through first. Winnie rolled her eyes, flicking him on the top of his head before stepping into the hallway. 

"I don't think there's a person in Hogwarts who hasn't been to the kitchens love," he replied casually, stepping in after her as the door shut behind them. Winnie paused, throwing a look over her shoulder at him as an elf popped up beside him. The girl slowly laid her bag down on the long table that was below the Ravenclaw table, watching as Theo smiled at the house elf. Speaking quietly in tones she couldn't hear, and yet it surprised her all the same. She wasn't blind, she knew how people treated house elves, they were just seen as slaves as many wizards and witches saw them.

Winnie didn't see them that way. As a child she was gifted Bitsy, a small elf with large droopy ears and watery eyes. Winnie for the better part of her childhood after being sorted in Ravenclaw had just been her and Bitsy. Her sister grew more distant and her parents often looked at her with too much disgust or never even looked at her at all. So Bitsy was all she had. 

Winnie blinked, looking away from the Slytherin boy as the elf turned away from him. Her hands wrapping around her bag and pretending to be looking for something as she drawled her bottom lip between her teeth. She didn't exactly know what she expected to see, in fact, she never thought of Theo interacting with any house elf. She didn't particularly believe Theo was a terrible person, Cordelia liked him enough, and yet seeing him talk kindly to an elf surprised her enough. 

The girl closed her bag, shaking the scene from her mind before she sighed. Walking towards the fridge that sat in the back of the room, suddenly having a craving for pizza. — without mushrooms — Winnie pulled out her wand, muttering the levitating spell on a few items. After a moment, she was walking back towards the table, pepperoni, cheese, and tomato sauce flying in the air above her. 

"What are you doing?" Theo questioned slowly, his arms crossing his chest as he leaned back against the wall. Brunet locks falling down around his forehead, feet crossing in front of him as Winnie glanced up at him before looking back down at the table where the objects floated down softly on top of it. 

"Making pizza," she answered, shrugging as she went to get dough from the fridge once more, grabbing a pan from the cupboard. 

"Pizza? What in Salazar is that?" He questioned, leaning off of the wall, slowly walking closer towards her as he eyed the objects she had laid on the table. Her hands moving to unwrap the leftover dough from when her and Harry had made pizza, smiling softly and being quietly thankful for Harry and his prompt to not measure things. 

Winnie glanced up at him once more, as she laid the plop of dough on the silver pan. She watched silently as he stared at the ingredients around her, his eyes furrowed together in perfect confusion, and for a moment, Winnie almost felt like admitting that perhaps he looked cute. Instead, she did something she would've never thought she would do. The girl moved towards the cupboards once more, grabbing a knife and a cheese grater, before moving back towards the table. 

"You can either grate cheese or cut up pepperoni, your choice," she spoke, holding out the two objects towards him. He looked at her for a moment, eyebrow raising slightly before finally he grabbed the knife. Eyeing the other silver object in her hand with great confusion and Winnie suspected he had never seen one before in his life. Which to be fair, she hadn't either until Harry showed it to her. 

"You know you can do this with magic you know," he suggested, going over and washing his hands in the sink, Winnie following after him. The blonde snorted, shaking her head as she flicked the water off, before grabbing the dry cloth from his hands. 

"True, but it's more fun this way," she replied, shrugged before moving back to the dough. Pulling her sleeves up to her elbows and beginning to knead the dough her knuckles. Spreading the dough out to cover the silver pan, her teeth slipping to chew slightly on the inside of her cheek as she concentrated. 

"Where did you learn to make this... pizza?" Theo asked after a moment of silence, noticing that Winnie switched to grab a spoon, opening the can of tomato sauce, spreading it over the now flatten out dough. The girl glanced up at him, seeing him cutting the strip of pepperoni into small, round circles.

"Harry showed me," she replied, clicking her tongue on the roof of her mouth, placing the spoon in the sink and the tin can on the counter. If she turned around at that moment, instead of using her wand to magically make the dishes wash themselves, she would've noticed the slight pause in the boy's actions. 

"Potter?" Theo questioned, his teeth gritting slightly as he tried to remember anytime he saw the two together, or how they would know each other enough to make pizza. 

"Yes, Potter," Winnie gritted, her eyes narrowing slightly as she turned back to look at him. His eyes already trained upon her, "is there a problem Nott?" She questioned, crossing her arms across her chest. Unknowingly to her, it was a defensive, it was a tell. Theodore Nott wasn't as dumb or as carefree as people liked to believe after all. 

He was far more observant than he gave off, and after years of harbouring feelings for the girl with the blue and bronze robes, he picked up on her tells. One of her biggest tells was the way she grew defensive over people she cared about, he only ever saw it for a few people. Cordelia being the biggest, he had seen it for Hermione Granger in their third year, and now he was seeing it for Harry Potter. A sickening feeling twisted in his stomach, like a boulder dropping and twisting his heart into a million pieces. Suddenly, Theo could understand why Draco hated Potter so much. 

So he looked away, his cheeks flushing slightly as his eyebrows furrowed down together. His eyes focusing on the task she had given him, while her eyes stayed trained on her. It only hit her then why he would be so affected by the mention of Harry Potter, he liked her. No. 

Theodore Nott liked to say he liked Winnie Buldstrode. But he couldn't, not really. He couldn't like her without knowing her, he couldn't like her, not him. Not Theodore 'the sun is always shining and everything is a joke' Nott. It was a joke, a chase, and if she let him catch her, he'll get disappointed, he'll get bored. 

And yet she found herself speaking words she shouldn't care if he knew or not. There was nothing between her and Harry, and there would never be anything between her and Harry. 

"I actually think he has a crush on Cordelia, you know?" The conversation starter was a tell to both of them, a tell for different things. For Theo, it was a reassurance, Theo doubted Winnie did anything without knowing it. Here she was, clearly making it sure that her and Harry were nothing, unknown to her, Theodore Nott smiled. "Pretty sure Cordelia likes him as well, she'll say she doesn't, but our Cordelia has her tells." 

To Winnie, this conversation was for Cordelia. She wanted her cousin to be happy, and Harry Potter could be the one to do that. It doesn't do any harm to have her cousin's best friend in on the secret, that was all. Nothing else. 

"Potter? Cordelia liking Potter?" Theo questioned suddenly, getting over the feeling of a smile on his face and letting her words hit him. He blinked, looking up at her as she finished grafting cheese. Sprinkling the white pieces of cheese onto the pizza, as she grinned slightly. 

"Yeah, who would believe it huh?" Winnie smirked, looking up at him, before nudging the pan towards him. Theo looked down at it, before back up at her, confused as to what she wanted until she nodded her head towards the slices of pepperoni he cut up. 

"Are you sure?" The male questioned, placing the pieces to cover the pizza as Winnie turned to get the over started, her hand clicking against her wand as she heard a shuffle of footsteps towards her. 

"I'm quite sure, she even blushes and watches him when she thinks nobody is looking, kinda—" Winnie paused as she looked over at the pan he was holding out, her hand coming to cover her mouth as she giggled slightly. The pizza was covered with pepperoni placed around to represent a smiley face. She smiled softly, looking up at him, watching as his lips pulled into a smile. "Smiley face huh?" She questioned, taking the pan from his hands and placing it in the oven. Her feet carried her to lean back against the counter as she looked down to watch the elves clean parts of the kitchen. 

"Thought it needed some happiness, it looked awfully sad," Theo came and stood beside her, his arms crossing his chest as she glanced up at him briefly before looking down on the floor. 

"Are you saying my decorating is sad, Nott?" She questioned, raising her eyebrow, Winnie tilting her head to look up at him as he shrugged, the curve of lip moving up on his face. 

"You said it, not me," he replied as Winnie gasped, flicking him softly with her finger as he raised his hands in defence. 

"Hey! Hey! We all can't have an artistic touch, really it's okay. We can forgive you," he spoke, jutting out his bottom lip in a pout as she rolled her eyes, biting her cheek to prevent herself from laughing. 

"Yeah cause you totally have an artistic touch," she snorted, looking back at the ground as she kicked the stone floor softly with her shoe. 

"I'm wounded, you wounded me love," Theo gasped, wiping fake tears from his eyes as Winnie rolled her eyes once more. Just as an house elf popped up beside her, she jumped slightly, before bracing her lips with a smile. 

"Roan is awfully sorry for scaring Miss, Roan didn't mean to scare Miss," the house elf who was dressed in a white shirt that was ironed perfectly to fit him. 

"Oh, it's okay," Winnie replied, breathing out softly as she shook her head. 

"Would Miss and Mr like something to drink? Can Roan get Miss and Mr anything?" The house elf questioned, its voice squeaking slightly as it twirled its hands together. 

"Oh uhm," Winnie paused, glancing up at Theo who was watching the interaction with a small smile across his features. "Can I have a hot cocoa please?" She smiled softly down at the elf, who nodded his head before looking at Theo with wide eyes. 

"I'll have the same, thank you Roan," the male nodded appericately, the house elf nodded and then scurried further away into the kitchen. Winnie watched silently, her eyes moving across the elves that sat or cleaned wordlessly. 

"Doesn't it make you feel bad sometimes?" Theo questioned suddenly, Winnie jumping from the sudden sound of his voice as she looked over at him. Seeing his eyes trained on the elves themselves, she frowned, looking back over towards them. She thought about the question for a moment, watching the little elves move and busy themselves happily and freely, no cares in the world about their work. 

"It makes them happy doesn't it?" She questioned, her voice barely above a whisper as she crossed her arms, her fingers tapping against the wool of her sweater. "I mean if something makes you happy, can you really feel so bad about it. I know they are elves and what they are doing doesn't make many people happy... but, if it makes them happy, who are we to stop them?" She questioned, looking up at him, brown meeting green as his eyes trained on hers. 

"Happiness is a weird thing isn't it?" He questioned suddenly, his eyebrows furrowing, their eyes staying trained together. Winnie suddenly felt her face grow flush, growing uncomfortable from the hardness of his gaze, and yet she couldn't look away. "People tell you to find happiness, to be happy. And then, as soon as you are, someone judges it. Bloody annoying isn't it?" 

Winnie's lip fell open, her eyebrow furrowing as she pretended to not notice the way his eyes fell down to her lips. Instead, she focused on his words. Happiness was a fickle thing, sometimes Winnie believed it wasn't even real, not really. People want you to be happy because it's easier when you are, there's no having to hide, there's no having to have awkward conversations about what's bothering you. But happiness can as easily be a mask as anything else, it's all a facade if you look at it. Pretending is easier, the truth is harder. 

"But what if you aren't actually happy? What if it's all pretend?" She whispered, watching as he furrowed his eyebrows, his head tilting to the side as he studied her. 

"Then maybe happiness is in a place where someone isn't looking," Theo mumbled softly, his green eyes flickering to her cheek as he noticed the ink mark again. Before he or even she could register what he was doing, his hand was brought up to her cheek. Fingers curling around her face softly and into the fallen locks of her hair, his thumb softly running along the ink smudge, smearing it as he stared at the black mark against the pale of her skin. "You have an... ink mark." 

Winnie felt her breath caught in her throat, the feeling of his hand against her skin sending her hair to stand on edge and her heart to thump in her ears. This was too much. All of it was too much, the smell of spice and cinnamon swirled around her and caused her to feel dizzy, almost as if she might fall, and Winnie Buldstrode didn't want to fall. It was too much, the conversation, the space between them was too little. 

This was Theodore Nott, the boy she had never had a civil conversation with before in her life, the boy who insisted on marrying her, who insisted on liking her despite knowing nothing about her. The boy who was her cousin's best friend, the boy who seemed to care about nothing. And he was here, touching her cheek, being so close to her that she could smell him, with his eyes staring into hers as if he could read everything in her mind. He looked at her as if it was safe to fall, as if he would catch her and not grow disappointed, and not leave. 

But Winnie Buldstrode could not fall. 

And so she did the opposite of both, instead she ran. 

Winnie stumbled back, her cheeks flushing and her throat clogging as she shook her head. "I.. I gotta go, take the pizza out, it should be done ... I'm," she gathered her belongings in her arms, stumbling back as her heart pounded in her ears. She didn't want to look at him, she wanted to yell at him, tell him to fuck off, tell him how she hated him and wanted nothing more than to never see him again in her life. And there he was, staring at her with his hand falling limp to his side, green eyes flickering of confusion and slight hurt as she stumbled away from him as if he burned her. 

In a way he did. 

"I'm sorry... I," she didn't finish her sentence, didn't even glance at him, instead she scurried out of the kitchens. Running through the halls, she briefly remembered being stopped. She briefly remembered a pink slip being held out to her, she couldn't remember slipping it in her hands or when she felt someone pull her behind an alcove. Her chest contracting heavily and as dry heaved, fingers creating half moon marks in the palms of her hands. 

Winnie Buldstrode didn't remember when Hermione Granger had hugged her, her arms wrapping tightly around her body as Winnie fought against the hold. She wanted to be alone, she wanted to scream, no, no she didn't want all that. She wanted to be back in the kitchens, in a sick turn of events with a boy who she hated for so long. 

She felt the need to scream, it was overbearing, her lips trembled as she kicked, thrashed. Hermione was muttering words in her ear that she didn't hear nor comprehend, the smell of books weaved around her, and she was sure the girl was coming back from the library. Her body fell limp as she choked on her tears, if Hermione minded, she didn't make it known. 

Winnie Buldstrode was always on the cliff edge, waiting and wanting to fall. But the arms of her parents held her back, their disapproval, their disappointment and abandonment ringing around her ears, holding her back from the need and wanting to fall. Her arms stayed outstretched on the cliff, arms outstretched with the hearts of the people she wanted to trust and love, but couldn't let them in long enough to see her. 

The faces of her roommates sat at her wrist, staring and wanting to be led in. The face of her cousin sat at her forearm, closer than the rest, but just out of reach to not see the truth. On the middle of her arm, just half way from her wrist and forearm sat Hermione Granger, someone who Winnie believed she could trust, but was unable to open herself enough. There on her fingers, sat Harry Potter, with his messy hair and their new scars linking them together. Worse of all, sat next to him was a face that wasn't there before.

A face with piercing green eyes and a smirking smile, staring at her, pleading for her to let him in. Theodore Nott sat at arms length, growing and buzzing like her heart in her chest pumped blood painfully through her. 

Winnie Buldstrode kept everyone at arm's length, it was easier that way. The truth was more painful, the truth allowed people to leave, and nobody would be close enough to leave again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y’all please don’t hate too hard on winnie, she’s a little scared of getting close to people. shes not doing this on purpose!


	9. VII. disappointment, broken, different

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winnie learns that not everything is always okay.

WINNIE BULDSTRODE HAS ONE ABSOLUTE FAVOURITE PERSON. 

Being twelve, she supposed her favourite things changed each day. Once upon a time, when she first got whispers of attending Hogwarts, her favourite animal was a snake. Everything in her home had been based upon that one animal, she was raised to be that one animal. To represent it just as well as everyone had before her. 

Winnie Buldstrode never had a problem with that. Not even when her younger sister Millie had come barging into her room one night, crying and screaming at her because 'you're their favourite, it isn't fair!' Winnie didn't understand at the time, she couldn't understand her sister's pain. In her mind, her parents loved them equally, they spent all their money on them, gave them whatever they wanted when asked, what could be so wrong? 

Her favourite animal had changed when she started Hogwarts, when her life of green and silver changed to a life of red and gold. Suddenly, Winnie Buldstrode likes lions much more than snakes. 

But unlike her favourite animal, her favourite person stayed the same. Her favourite person was a strange man, with white hair and cold bitter eyes. He was a man who liked his whiskey hard and bitter, a man who stayed away in his room, hidden from the public in Buldstrode Manor. He was a man who her sister called scary and tasteless, but Winnie thought he was intelligent and incredibly funny. This said man was her grandfather, and perhaps the only reason why she ended up as a raven instead of a snake. 

Winnie Buldstrode was incredibly sneaky, she knew exactly how to sneak out from under her parents eye and into the room of her grandfather. While her parents thought he was a crazy bat and unsafe to be around, years later Winnie would realize that it was only because he was different that they didn't like him. 

Right before she left the comfort of her home to attend Hogwarts, her grandfather had sat her down. A glass of firewhiskey in his hands and — to her great surprise — a smile on his face. 

"Winifred, don't do a single thing in your life that you don't want to do. You run your own life, you don't have to be a follower Winifred. You've proven that much just by coming up here and seeing this old crazy bat. You are exactly who you are supposed to be, no matter what that is and there's nothing wrong with that." 

It had been the same words that whispered through her head as she was sorted, and the exact same ones that were currently going through her head as she sat in her home again. Her tiny hands placed upon her lap as she wore her Gryffindor sweater, a sharp crimson in contrast to everything terrible around her. 

"W-What do you mean he's dead?" Winnie's lip trembled as she stared blurred eyed at her parents. Her mothers chin high in the air as she stares disapprovingly at her eldest daughter, her fathers lips painted into a scowl. Millie sat beside her, completely untouched by the news of their grandfather's death. 

"Are you daft? The old crook died," her mother spoke scoffing, and Winnie briefly wondered how she could talk so freely about her own fathers death. "Oh do stop crying Winifred, don't be a bigger disappointment." 

Disappointment. 

"I, I don't understand," her lip trembled as she reached up and wiped at her face, willing herself to stop crying. Her emotions were all too big for her own mind, for her heart and eyes continued to grieve. Her mind continued to stare at the empty faces of her parents, not once had they told her they missed her, not once had they said they loved her or were proud of her. Instead, they simply stared at her as if she was a disease, they looked at her like they looked at her grandfather. Broken. Disappointment. Different. 

"You were supposed to be in Slytherin," her father's voice boomed with a scoff, his eyes staring so coldly at her that she recoiled in her seat. 

"I can't help where the-"

"No you can't," her mother agreed, standing swiftly as she straightened her pencil skirt. "So you're broken, you disappointed us Winifred. You are broken and we can't fix you," the young blonde girl felt as if she was being scolded for something she couldn't control. She watched with wide eyes and empty hearts as her parents praised her sister and left her in the dark alone. She watched as the words of disappointment and broken travelled through her young brain, unable to comprehend that they were wrong. Unable to comprehend that there was nothing wrong with her truly. 

Winnie Buldstrode used to have one favourite person, but they had died, leaving her in a world of horror and empty smiles. Winnie Buldstrode used to have a family, people she called close, people she trusted, but then they turned their back on her at only twelve years old. 

Disappointment. Broken. Different. 

—————

WINNIE BULDSTRODE SMILED WITH NOTHING LIGHTNING HER EYES. 

She had awoken the next morning in tangled limbs, her legs entangled in sheets with dried tears on her face. She had no memory to returning to her dorm, no memory of falling into the sheets and falling asleep with dread in her veins. Hermione had been sitting on her own bed, a book propped up on her leg as Crookshankes sleep soundlessly, the two girls met eyes as Winnie pushed herself up. For a reason Winnie would never understand, Hermione didn't utter a word about the night before. Only nodded her head and wished her a goodmorning. 

She had gotten ready that morning telling herself that everything would be okay, that nothing would affect Theodore Nott. He would move on from the time in the kitchens, move on from her running from him as if he burned her. She wasn't daft, she had heard the rumours about him. The playboy who played all girls hearts, she figured she was the thrill of a chase he wanted to win. Once he did win, he would leave like them all.

She told herself she didn't care at all what he thought, she didn't care at all what he looked like, or if he was smiling and laughing like the world was sunshine and rainbows. She didn't care if he looked at her, winking or saying his usual 'we're getting married' speech. Winnie convinced herself she wouldn't feel bad for completely leaving him randomly, but she did. That was the problem. 

The first time she saw Theo Nott the next day had been in their Transfiguration class. His bag slung over his shoulder, hair laying in imperfect strands on top of his head, emerald green eyes shining on top of purple bags that ate away at his skin. He walked behind Claire and her cousin — Cordelia who sent a small wave of a greeting towards Winnie — but Winnie was focused on them. Her eyes kept sending secret glances towards the Slytherin boy, waiting — hoping — that he'll look at her. That he'll smirk his notorious twist of his lips, that his eyes will sparkle and he'll walk over to her. Talking some nonsense that she would later tell him that he was either being hopeless or stupid. 

But Theodore Nott didn't even blink an eye her way, and Merlin, help her, because she felt like her world had shifted. She felt as if the world had twisted on its axis' all because Theodore fucking Nott didn't look at her. She found that the pit in her stomach had only grown, leaving her unwanted of food or anything. She was absolutely walking on a false cloud that was erupted all because of that one stupid evening in the bloody kitchens. 

She moved through that day barely paying attention to those around her, her hair sat in i brushed locks on top of her head, bushy and tangled as she ran a nervous hand through it every five minutes. She wasn't even aware of the scarf that was wrapped around her neck since lunch, — Cordelia's scarf to be exact, green and silver stripes — she had no memory of how she got her hands on it, though she couldn't admit to caring much about it. Winnie Buldstrode was quite good at hiding her emotions, her face braced with a mask and a sliver of a smile. Which is exactly what she had done, smiled and nodded to whatever Sue was chatting about. 

But her eyes looked for him in every room. She hasn't seen him at breakfast, at lunch, nor at dinner. She barely touched her food, instead continued to jug back cups of pumpkin juice — something she didn't even like. 

"Are you... uh okay?" Hermione had asked her suddenly, noticing the girl pour herself another glass of pumpkin juice with her eyes flickering to the Slytherin table. Winnie jumped, startled by Hermione's whispered tone. She didn't realize when the girl had sat next to her instead of her usual spot with Harry and Ron, who now sat several ways down from the pair. 

"I'm fine Hermione, just tired," the girl braced a smile on her lips, instantly knowing that the girl didn't believe so. 

"Right because you've been drinking the one drink you absolutely hate for the past fifteen minutes for no particular reason," the girl drawled, raising her eyebrow as Winnie's mouth fell open. Her eyes darting to the glass she held in her hands, full or orange juice that she did very much hate. She moved her eyes to the Slytherin table once more, seeing her cousin chat quietly to Claire with no sight of a certain brunet boy. 

"How do you say sorry to someone you hate?" Winnie blurted out suddenly, causing Hermione to choke slightly on the chicken in her mouth. The eldest Buldstrode rolled her eyes, laying a hand against her friends back and smacking it slightly as the girl wiped tears away from her eyes. 

"Excuse me?" The girl croaked, looking at her with wide eyes as Winnie's lips pulled into a line. 

"Forget it, never mind—"

"Oh for Circ's sake Winnie! Just tell me what's wrong," Padma sighed, rolling her own brown eyes as Winnie glared at the girl. It seemed to be easy for her, to just say what's wrong and then to fix it. It wasn't that easy for Winnie Buldstrode. She wasn't supposed to care about what was bothering the Slytherin boy, but she was the reason why Theo was so glum. For some fucked up reason, Winnie needed to apologize, she absolutely needed to be the one to make things better so he could go back to annoying her and she could go back to hating him. 

Could continue hating him in peace. 

"I did something, I think ... I think it hurt them," she paused, licking her lips as she looked down at the empty plate on her table, before heaving a bigger sigh and looking at Padma. "I know I hurt them, and I just ... I need to apologize, but I don't know how." 

"Well for starters, I find that saying sorry helps," Hermione shrugged sarcastically. 

"It's not that easy," Winnie argued, muttering as she started to play with the strings of her cousin's scarf. 

"It actually is that easy, you just don't want to see it," Hermione spoke matter of factly as Winnie breathed in heavily, her head falling back as she stared up at the ceiling. It must've been raining outside, for the sky above them was full of grey clouds and rain kissing the night sky. 

"It's not that easy," Winnie muttered once more, her head looking down as she swung her leg over the bench. The truth was, it wasn't that easy, she felt like it wasn't anyway. This was someone she hated — hates — since first year, feeling sorry just seemed all a little, uncomfortable for her. She doubted sorry would cut it. 

Hermione didn't seem to question her again, not like she had the chance, for Winnie had swung her bag over her shoulder and made her way out of the Great Hall. Floating back in her world of masks and false happy smiles, all the while, yelling at herself in her mind to somehow say sorry to Theodore Nott. And really, Winnie was positively angry at the nerve of the boy for making her feel terrible. 

—————

SHE EXISTED SIMPLY IN A POOL OF HER THOUGHTS. 

Her thoughts were pulled from her as she noticed another person already in the kitchens. For a moment, her heart leaped at the thought that maybe it was the boy who clouded her mind, she had seen green first, but then black moulded into the image with circle glasses. She frowned, laying her bag on the table, the green scarf still around her neck. 

"It's you," she muttered slightly as she walked around the table, her eyes noticing the light on in the oven. And only because she grew accustomed to being around him, she opened the door slightly to peak inside, spotting the round pizza sitting in the oven with mushrooms covering it. She wrinkled her nose, shaking her head as she closed the door. "Mushrooms."

"Did you expect someone else?" Harry questioned as he watched the girl sit down next to him at the table, her eyes darting to him as she raised an eyebrow. "You said, it's you." Harry explained further as Winnie's mouth formed an 'O' shape before she frowned. 

"No, didn't expect anyone," she muttered, picking at a loose thread in the scarf. 

"Is there something wrong?" Harry questioned after a moment, causing the girl to snort bitterly. 

"That seems to be everyone's favourite question today," she laughed bitterly running a hand through her hair, the calmness that surrounded her with Luna now disappearing into the vast empty that surrounded her. 

"You can ... erm talk to me," Harry offered as he ran a hand through his own hair, Winnie raising an eyebrow at him. She briefly wondered if she could talk to him, she didn't think she could talk to anyone, not really. Her mind started to race slightly, her palms itching as she rubbed them against the fabric of her skirt. 

"It's nothing Harry," she shrugged, insisting as the boy frowned. 

"I thought we agreed not to lie to each other," he spoke suddenly, the girl blinking as she stared at him. 

"When did we do that?" She questioned, stunned as the boy grinned. 

"Right now, this newly found friendship is open, no lies between each other," Harry spoke proudly, grinning as he raised his hand and laid his elbow on the table. His fingers curling into a fist all besides for his pinky that was held out towards her. Winnie momentarily found herself flinching at the word friendship, she didn't see the boy that way, and yet she couldn't find it in her to tell him otherwise. 

"Uhm, what the bloody hell are you doing?" She questioned, raising an eyebrow as she moved between his finger and him. 

"It's a pinky promise duh," he spoke, his tone in a higher pitch voice that reminded her of how she heard Lavender and Parvati speak about boys and clothes before. Winnie found herself rolling her eyes as she giggled slightly, copying his movements and sticking out her pinky. The boy grinned, wrapping his pinky around hers. 

"Now this is a pinky promise Miss.Buldstrode. This is a promise of no lies between us, if you break it, the pink promise monster will come and eat your pinkies off," he joked as Winnie let out a loud laugh, her free hand coming up to cover her mouth. 

"Oh no! How dare you, not my pinkies! Whatever will I do?" She asked, false gasping as Harry quirked his lips up in a smile. 

"Crash and burn obviously, pinkies are our best fingers," he spoke sarcastically, rolling his eyes as he removed his pinky from hers. The girl rolled her eyes and nudged him in the shoulder. 

"Really? I think it's the middle finger, better to flip off my parents that way," she smirked, shrugging as Harry barked out a laugh. The two sat in silence for a moment, Winnie's eyes watching the elves in the corner as Harry's eyes watched her lips pull into a frown. 

"So what's wrong?" Harry questioned, pulling the girl from where she was looking and towards him. She sucked in a breath, ready to tell him it was nothing again until his eyes hardened slightly, her eyes flicking to the scar on his forehead. She wondered how many people lied to him then, about the events in his life, and she sighed, figuring for once she could do him the favour of being honest. Well, slightly honest. 

"Have you ever done something ... well bad?" She questioned, furrowing her eyebrows, "but like, not really meaning it to be as awful as it was?" She watched as Harry's lips pulled into a frown, his eyes looking down at the table. 

"Yeah, I have," his voice was barely a whisper and Winnie realized she never believed anyone more than at this moment. 

"I hurt someone Harry, I think I hurt them pretty terribly, and I just," she paused, picking at the thread of the scarf once more as she frowned. "I feel horrible really." 

"When we hurt the people we love — even by accident — that happens," Harry spoke after a moment as Winnie's eyes widened, her cheeks flushing as she shook her head.

"Oh no! I don't love T- him. I don't even particularly like him ... I just, I mean, oh do shut up well you," she blushed, her face being covered by her hair as she glared silently at the table. Harry's mouth fell open as he stared at her, the girl picking at a scratch on the table with her finger until finally she stood up. "Let's check the pizza yeah? Knowing you, you'll burn it and I don't want to eat burnt pizza." 

"Hey! Who said you could have any?" Harry questioned suddenly as he followed her actions, the girl's hand on the door handle as she pulled it down. Giving Harry a sad smile as she reached over to pat her cheek. 

"It's cute that you think you have a choice," she grinned as the boy scowled at her but never protested the fact. 

Winnie held open the oven door as Harry pulled the pan out of the oven, oven mitts covering his hands from being burnt. She stared, wrinkling her nose at the cooked fungi on top of the pepperoni and cheese, just as Harry suddenly dropped the pan. Before she could even yell at him for dropping the food or dive to get it herself, the pizza flew back up and landed softly on the table. Her eyes went wide as she jumped, startled and quickly threw a look over her shoulder. Her mouth fell open as she landed on her cousin standing in the doorway with her wand out, her mouth twisted into a smile as she glanced at Harry's wide eyed gaze. 

"Cordelia!" Winnie spoke happily, closing the brick oven door, "come join us!" 

"Oh," Cordelia started, walking towards them as she shook her head. "No, thanks I already—"

"No, I insist. You've got to try this," Winnie spoke cutting her off as she began to cut slices of the pizza up. "It's called pizza." 

"Pizza?" Cordelia questioned, Winnie nodding her head as she started to pick pieces of mushroom off her piece and laying it on Harry's. 

"It's a muggle food," Harry answered, picking up a plate as Winnie laid a piece of pizza on top of it. One with mushrooms to be exact, if anyone asks, she was most certainly not hogging all the mushroom free pizzas she made for herself! "Winnie doesn't like mushrooms," Harry commented as he watched her pick pieces off of her own slice, the girl sticking out her tongue at him. 

"You don't like mushrooms?" Cordelia questioned as Winnie looked back at her, wrinkling up her nose in reply as she realized her cousin did in fact like mushrooms. She was surrounded by idiots. "How odd." 

Winnie rolled her eyes, taking a bite of her now mushroom free pizza, smiling softly at the flavour that burst in her mouth, chewing and swallowing just as Cordelia did the same. 

"Damn, that's good!" Her cousin spoke surprised after she finished eating the whole slice of pizza. 

"Right! I can't believe we've never tried it before!" Winnie agreed, her mouth titling to a smile as she beamed, turning to Harry who still stood beside her. "What else is there to try?" 

"Well, there's—" Harry started, blushing as he flickered his eyes to Cordelia just as she cut him off. 

"Do you have my scarf?" Cordelia questioned looking at Winnie who blinked, before her hand fell to her throat where said scarf laid against her. 

"Why would I have your scarf?" Winnie scoffed, hiding back a grin as she watched Cordelia glare at her from across the table. "I'm not a Slytherin!" 

"Haha, very funny," Cordelia drawled. "I need it back." She spoke holding out her hand for it as Winnie smirked. 

"Winnie, give it back," Harry spoke suddenly, causing the tanned skin girl to blink in surprise. Her eyes moved to his as she realized he actually thought she stole it! This bloody, love sick wanker! 

"Thanks, Potter, but I can handle this myself," Cordelia shot at him, giving him a look as Winnie held back a smirk. She already knew what his next move was, and wasn't nearly at all surprised when he reached forward and tried to untangle the scarf from her neck. 

"I have a name," Harry spoke suddenly, Winnie trying to move his hands away from his neck. Watching as he glared at her, the girl snorted slightly before stopping and letting her hands fall to her side. She stayed still as she let Harry take the scarf off of her neck, glaring at him slightly only for being such a bloody wanker. "It's Harry, call me that please." 

Winnie took this time to eat another slice of pizza, the mushrooms off of the slice and piled on top of Harry's like a mountain. She watched as her cousin said Harry's name for the first time, her eyes darting between Cordelia and Harry as they stared at each other. The girl smirked, chewing the food in her mouth with a satisfied thought running in her mind.

This would be a cute moment to tease them about later. 

The moment was positively ruined, however, when Cordelia turned to look at Winnie. Who's eyebrows wiggles suggestively at her cousin, popping the last bite of her pizza in her mouth as she winked, looking back at Harry who was completely oblivious to this all. She watched with a grin as her cousin quickly muttered a goodbye and vanished out of the archway, leaving behind a blushing Harry Potter and a smirking Winnie. 

Until suddenly she remembered where Cordelia was going and who was going to be there. 

Her smirk vanished off her face as her heart thumped in her chest. Before she knew what she was doing she was placing the last piece of pizza she had done for herself on a plate and was practically running out of the kitchens. Yelling at Harry that she would back as she nearly stumbled over the ledge. The girl ran down the stairs, heaving as she finally found her cousin walking toward her dormitories. 

"Cordelia!" The girl screamed, coming to a sudden halt as she leaned over, one hand on her knee and the other still holding the plate with the slice of pizza that didn't fall off. "Merlin, you walk fast," the girl breathed out, standing straight as her cousin stared at her with a raised eyebrow. "Give this to Theo," Winnie blurted out, shoving the plate towards her as Cordelia blinked, taking it from her hands. 

"To Theo? Why?" She questioned raising her eyebrow as Winnie glared at her, crossing her arms on her chest. 

"Don't question why, just do it!" She demanded, her chin high in the air as she pressed her lips into a line. "Don't tell him it's from me either, okay. Thank you, goodnight." With that, she spun on her heel and quickly made her way back to the kitchens, in hopes that the single slice of pizza will be enough to at least return Theodore Nott back to his normal self. So she could finally stop feeling guilty over someone she so terribly hated. 

Turns out, it had been. For the next day right as breakfast started, the boy had sought her out. Causing her heart to thump as her blood ran cold, staring at him with wide brown eyes. His lips pulled into a line as he stared back at her, until finally he grinned. 

"Would you do me the great pleasure of going to Hogsmead with me, future wife?" The boy grinned, his arm reaching over to drape around her shoulders. 

"Do you ever give up?" She sighed, biting her cheek to hold back a grin as she snaked herself out from under his arm, continuing her walk towards the Great Hall.

"You didn't argue about the future wife thing, have you changed your mind?" Theo questioned as he ran up to walk beside her. His hand wrapped around his bag as she glanced at him, rolling her eyes. 

"If you don't leave right now, I'll pour my porridge that I'll have in exactly two minutes over your head," she threatened, turning to face him as he grinned down at her, quirking an eyebrow up. 

"Still didn't hear a no," he breathed, leaning in slightly as she reached up, placing her hand over his face to push him away gently. Before turning on her heel and entering the Great Hall. A grin fastened across her features and for the first time in two days, she felt as if things were finally normal. 

And oh how wrong she was, nothing would ever be normal again.


	10. VIII. the letter mixup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mixup letter, causes some unfortunate runnings with Millicent Buldstrode

HER HAIR FRIZZED LIKE STATIC at the top of her head, loose from the plaits she had fastened in her bright locks that morning, she had spent an hour at the braids only for them to be ruined from the heat of a cauldron. It certainly didn't help her case that Zacharias Smith had blown up his cauldron. ( She didn't know who told Snape all about the drama circling her and the gift, but she sure as Godric's bloody arse didn't find it very funny when Snape placed Zacharias next to her. It certainly didn't help that Snape had looked at her wide gaped mouth with a hint of smirk as if he new the drama. ) 

The female almost landed her another detention — she was now positively use to the pain of Umbitch's quill, she was almost as positive that it wasn't a good thing — when Zacharias' bumped into her arm and caused her to drop one too many aconite into her Babbling Beverage. Luckily, Lavender had managed to drag her away at the last minute. 

That didn't stop her from glaring at the blond git as she sat and ate her bacon sandwich rather angrily. 

"Stop it! He's gonna think you're gonna kill him," Lavender hissed as she slapped Winnie against her school robes, the female snorting as she shoved the last piece of her sandwich in her mouth. 

"Thwt's he pient," Winnie spoke, her words muffled by the food she was currently chewing as she picked up her glass of water. Parvati wrinkling her nose in disgust at Winnie's lack of manners, the girl had manners quite well, she just didn't care. Winnie took a gulp of her water, swallowing the contents in her mouth before speaking again, "that's the point." 

"I'd rather not take a trip to court to defend you," Lavender drawled as she shoved her empty plate away from her. 

"If you think that'll stop me, you're wrong," she grinned, tugging the bobble off of the end of her braid before spreading the braided pieces. Her fingers catching on a tangled knot in her hair as she grumbled, winching in pain as she tugged too hard. 

"For someone raised in a strictly wizards home, you do so many things that could be easily solved with magic," Parvati observed as she rested her chin on her hand, Winnie pausing her movements as she looked at the girl. 

"Yeah well, I'd rather not be dependent on magic, thanks," she frowned, yet taking out her wand and muttering a detangling spell. Letting her hair fall free against her shoulders, still frizzy from the two hours in the dungeons. 

"What do we have next?" Lavender questioned as she begun to read over her DADA essay that was due the next day, Winnie making a mental note to check hers in the library. 

"Herbology," Winnie replied as she pulled her hair into a high ponytail on the top of her head, ignoring the strands she missed that laid framing her head. 

"Oh Merlin," Parvati grumbled from beside the blonde, her eyes rolling towards the back of her head. "I hate that class! We're suppose to be starting on a new plant with partners," the female pouted as Winnie grinned. She didn't mind Herbology much, she found the class relatively easy and straightforward. 

Winnie opened her mouth to speak just as a huge Tawny owl swooped down in front of her, the girl pausing as she stared at her family owl. A letter tied to her leg as she hooted, dipping her peak into Winnie's glass of water. The female's lips pulled into a line, muttering a halfhearted great in under her breath as she untied the letter from the owl's leg. Flipping it over just as she saw the words 'Millicent' written in straight black ink. She paused, her fingers touching the folded envelope just as the owl swooped down and clicked her beak over her finger. 

"Ow!" The girl hissed as she placed her now bleeding finger in her mouth, brown eyes glaring at the Tawny Owl who hooted at her, displeased at not being thanked. "You gave it to the wrong sister, here," the girl added as she reached for the owl, just as it flew away. Winnie watched with her mouth falling open as the owl flew in circles above them, before flying out of the open window. "You have got to be joking right now," the girl spoke in disbelief as she blinked, her eyes looking down at the note. 

"Weird, owls never do that," Lavender spoke after a moment, titling her head just as Winnie stood, snorting and shaking her head. 

"Yeah well, apparently the family owl likes to torture me too. Time to go find the dying chicken!" The female placed a false smile on her face, swinging her bag over her shoulder. Her eyes scanned the Slytherin table, seeing it empty for the better part, and with her incredible luck, her sister was no where to be seen. She huffed loudly, blowing a loose strand of hair away from her face before she made her way out of the Great Hall. Deciding to instead wait for her sister at the Greenhouse, her hand wrapped around the now crushed note — she didn't read it, nor cared much that it was crumbled. 

The late November air whisked around her as she stepped outside, her nose twinkling with the chill as her feet stepped on to fallen leaves. Crunching following her, she ignored the chill, pulling out her wand with her free hand to cast a warming spell over her. Grateful for it when it instantly dropped her in a pool of warmth, her ponytail swinging slightly behind her. 

It wasn't long before she saw an all too familiar head of curled blonde hair, the same tint that sat upon her own head. She watched with narrowed eyes as her sister laughed, blue eyes wide and watching Tracey, Daphne and Pansy who all stood around her. Unlike the last time Winnie's eyes landed on Daphne Greengrass, the blonde didn't look at her with hate. Cordelia has told Winnie all about the fact that Zacharias had lied to Daphne. Fooling the girl to believe Cordelia had cheated on Zacharias with Draco Malfoy. — out of all the people in the world — She even managed to smile when Daphne noticed her approaching, the rest of the girls, however, received a perfectly practical scowl. 

"What the hell are you doing?" Millicent questioned sharply, her head raising to jut out with her chin high in the air. Her eyes were as bitter cold as the ice tint they shined. Winnie couldn't help but think her sister was the perfect representation of an ice princess. Her hair tucked in wide ringlets, nearly platinum as they fell down around her Slytherin robes. Eyes narrowed, and red painted lips titled into a disapproving scowl. All the while, she stared at her as if she was the dirt she walked on, and walked on she did. "Nobody wants you here blood traitor," she spat as Winnie rolled her eyes. 

"Don't get your knickers in a twist, dear sister," Winnie drawled as the corner of her lips titled into a scowl. Standing tall and straight, her added height allowing her to tower over the smaller girl. If her sister was the ice princess, than it was believed that Winnie was the fire. Her hair a lighter blonde, golden in the light of sunlight, with narrowed hazel eyes, flickering darker as disgust filled them. "Just delivering mail from our lovely parents," she placed an sickening smile across her features, holding out the letter and shoving it into her sisters chest. 

"You crumpled it," Millicent observed, her lips pulled into a line as she tried to straighten it. 

"Did I? I had no idea," the girl drawled, rolling her eyes as she held up a hand to shade her eyes from the sun fluttering out from beneath clouds. 

"Why did this come to you? What the hell did you—," Millicent cut off as Winnie broke off into a loud laugh, her head falling back as the sound boomed around them. It was a sound that rang in their eyes, drawing hairs to stand on their necks. As a child, Millicent grew accustomed to the laugher of her sister. She grew to understand the difference between real and false, and right now, they were greeted with false. 

"It's always my fault isn't it, Millicent?" Winnie spat as her laughter faded as quickly as it came. Her eyes slitted into lines as they blew dark like chocolate. She stepped forward slightly, stopping as Pansy stepped closer to Millie. Winnie snapped her head towards the raven haired girl, who flared defensively down at her. "Funny, still can't fight your battles by yourself. Seems nothing changes," the girl scoffed, stepping back as she crossed her arms over her chest, "it was the bloody owl if you must know."

"I've been telling mother to get rid of that bloody animal, doesn't know the difference between mud or not," Millie scoffed as Winnie smirked, her head titling to the side. She watched as her sister shrugged off her friends, Pansy glaring at the blonde as she walked away, Winnie responding with only a wink. 

"She must think you're the mud then if she came to me," Winnie grinned, throwing her ponytail over her shoulder as Millicent stepped forward, her hand falling to her wand. Millie stepped quickly back, her eyes narrowing as she glared at her younger sister. 

"What would mother say? So much violence this year Millicent, so disappointing," the girl frowned, jutting out her bottom lip as her sister lowered her hand, nostrils flaring slightly. 

"Can't ever be as disappointing as you though, now can I?" Millicent spat, her lips titling up to grin as she straightened her stance. "Being friends with a mudblood, I hear you're also buddy buddy with Saint Potter, gonna try to stop the great war now are you? I would be careful if I was you, let's not forget about our dear cousin Max, and our grandfather, could be worse for you. Mother and father has plans, wouldn't want that to be ruined." Winnie's face fell like broken glass as her eyebrows furrowed, watching the smirk that washed across her sisters face. Millicent clicked the top of her tongue against the roof of her mouth, the belle signalling the start of class rang around them as her sister turned to head towards the Greenhouse. Winnie surged forward, grabbing her sisters wrist and pulling. 

"Millicent what the fuck does that mean?" Winnie seethed, her head close to her sisters as she noticed Cordelia walk with Claire and Theo, Cordelia's eyebrow raising but then female couldn't do anything to reassure her cousin. Her eyes were blown wide, heart thumping in her chest. "What do they have planned?" Millicent watched with wide eyes for a moment, looking over her sister's face before she pulled her wrist away sharply. 

"Why the only plan that's there," Millicent answered quickly, her lips titling into a small smirk as she reached forward to tap her sisters cheek, her nail scratching her cheekbone before she pulled her hand away. Winnie ignored them slight pain that twinkled through her face, her eyes watching the tilt of her head. "The world will be changed, time for you to change as well." 

Millicent twirled then on her heel, making her way down towards the Greenhouse as Winnie stood still, her skin covering in goosebumps despite the warming spell she had set over herself moments before. The wind swirled around her, the smell of pumpkins filling her senses as she blinked, her head turning as Hermione came up beside her. 

"Are you alright?" The female questioned, her voice filling through her like muffled water as Winnie blinked, fear stunning her as her sisters worlds twirled around her. There was only a few things her parents could be planning, and none of them was an outlook she wanted to take. The girl swallowed thickly, her fingers moving to clasp around Hermione's as she nodded, letting a smile turn onto her face. The two girls moved into the Greenhouse, taking their seats while Winnie's eyes moved towards her sisters. Watching as Millicent whispered to her group of friends, laughter pooling out of her. 

Winnie's world tilted slightly as she was slapped with a strong realization, her hands gripping her robes tighter as she stared at the wooden desk she currently sat at in the Greenhouse. The world was changing, but she would not change with it. 

Winnie Buldstrode only hoped she would make it out alive. 

—————

WINNIE WAS POSITIVE THE world was fucking with her, her teeth chewed nervously at the beds of her nails. It was ironic really, how she was raised to be proper, her nails to be primed and shined. Now, she sat chewing on her nails, tearing and ruining her pale skin as dots of crimson pooled in her mouth. Her leg bouncing as she sat staring emptily at the table in the library, she could faintly hear the sound of snow hitting the wide window from beside her, but everything else vanished around her. 

Herbology had swirled by in a blur of white and whispered words in her head, all that stood out had Professor Sprout pairing her with Theodore Nott for their project. While she and him had seemed to mould back into a routine of him flirting and her yelling at him, not even him dared to flirt a single word with her as she jumped out of her chair. Muttering that she would bring notes next class before she vanished without another word to anyone.

The world was laughing at her and her parents were pulling the strings. 

In retro sight, she should've seen it coming. She wasn't exactly sure that it was the answer, her sister could've been pulling her strings simply to get a rise out of her. It wouldn't be the first, Millicent had came up to her in the middle of their third year to tell her she had Sirius Black in beside the Forbidden Forest. Tears streaming down her face, and for a reason not even Winnie could say, she believed her. Insisting to go to the Headmaster to tell him, and they did. Only for Winnie to be made out as a fool and Millicent to innocently shrug and say ' I don't know what she means sir.' 

Winnie Buldstrode felt rage anytime she heard Sirius Blacks name then, for not only being a raging murder, ( that the Ministry still hasn't caught, which is slightly concerning ) but for being the reason people whispered that she was loony in the head during their third year. 

So believing her sister now was almost as good as believing that chocolate frogs were awful, which they weren't. Wrappers sat splattered around the table in front of her to prove the point, that they very much were in fact not awful. And yet, a shudder had grown into her chest and made a home in her. Trapping her in a world of confusion, doubt and fear in a way she hadn't ever felt. 

Winnie Buldstrode knew two things before the start of the day. One) her grandfather had died of natural causes, old age giving away to his constant drinking and sputtering. Two) Max Flint had died in a freak accident, an accident in which she had tried to ask Cordelia about once, but ended up with nothing but a shut down cousin and no answers. 

She was quite sure both of those things had been true, but her sisters words tumbled around her mind like a ball. Hitting off every surface and forever following her, her skin crawled and her mind worked a mile a minute. Suddenly, she found herself not being so sure about their deaths. 

'let's not forget about our dear cousin Max, and our grandfather, could be worse for you.'

Copper twinged upon her tongue, her teeth ripping apart the skin around her nails. Drops twirling and sharps of pain going down her left hand, mixing with the silver ring on her finger. No, she was quite sure she wasn't sure of anything anymore. She remembered the way her cousin had built herself up like a brick wall when asked about Max, her eyes turning cold and her jaw clenched together as she answered in blunt words. At the time, Winnie brushes it off as a harsh feelings and grief for the death of Max, but now? Now it felt like more, and for a moment, Winnie wondered how much she didn't know about her family. 

Added onto the death of her grandfather, the male she hadn't thought of for years. The male who passed on his own heirloom to her, the silver ring on her finger that was rightfully her mothers, but worn upon her finger instead. She hadn't questioned his death, once again, at the time Winnie brushed it off, not wanting to speak more on it in the walls of her Manor. 

Winnie wished she had now. 

Red strings pulled into a corks, running in different directions inside her brain. Overlapping and crossing each other with no middle answers, just blurred images and words that she could no longer see. Winnie Buldstrode couldn't see the bigger picture, she had a feeling it had something to do with a tyrant who raised from the dead once more. 

'Mother and Father has plans, wouldn't want that to be ruined' 

Plans. A future she had no idea of, a future she thought she had been written out of, and yet, there were plans. Her leg started to bounce more berserkly as her fingers fell from her lips, blood drawling from the open wounds and a heavy sigh left the open surface of her lips. 

It was him. She knew it, she could feel it inside of her. Growing colder with red sheering eyes, she could feel it in the way she felt him when she saw Harry's scar for the first time. She could feel it in the way she saw her parents dark marks for the first time as a child, grey and flawed with Dark Magic. It buzzed in her fingers and her teeth clattered together as she raised her other hand to her mouth. 

"Oh! Winnie there you are, I was wondering if we could go over our study guides, I know— are you okay?" Hermione Granger came to a sudden halt, her arms holding a brightly coloured phablet with flash cards tucked in between her arm. Her eyes grew wide as she quickly rushed over, dropping her belongings on the table as she pulled a chair up beside the blonde. "Oh Merlin, what happened?" 

"Nothing, I'm fine," Winnie spoke defensively as she wrapped her fingers into a fist, trying to hide the open wounds she now teared open, unfortunately Hermione missed almost nothing due to her being friends with Harry and Ron for so long. Her hands moved out to grasp her wrist, pulling Winnie's hands towards her as she narrowed her brown eyes at the blonde, sighing Winnie opened her hands but turned her eyes towards the window. 

"Winifred Buldstrode, don't lie to me. You're clearly not fine, biting your nails is clearly a sign of," Winnie drowned Hermione's words out as she snapped her hands back, her eyes narrowing slightly as she turned her attention back towards the Gryffindor. 

"Don't call me Winifred, Hermione Jean Granger," the girl snapped as the brunette beside her blinked momentarily, her mouth falling open as Winnie's leg started to bounce once more. 

"How do you know my full name?" Hermione questioned as she sat straighter, Winnie's mouth fell open slightly for a moment, surprised before she managed to tilt her lips up to a grin for a moment. 

"It was in your notes last year," Winnie shrugged, looking away as she leaned back in her chair, her eyes turning to the falling snow once more. 

"Well whatever, what's wrong?" Hermione questioned again more sternly, strangely reminding Winnie of a mother speaking to her child. She almost chuckled at that then, she had seen this Hermione many times with Harry and Ron but never with her. She opened her mouth to tell her nothing once more, but stopped when the brunette glared. "Don't you lie, I won't leave until you tell me the truth. Now tell me what happened at Herbology, I saw you speaking to your sister." 

Winnie held back a bitter reply of stubborn, as her eyes flickered towards the female beside her. She wondered briefly is she could trust her, then realized it was a silly notion. Trust that is. What really was trust? A simply phrase built upon friends and people, putting your faith in someone and they almost always betrayed it. Her family betrayed it for the greater good, ultimately the greater good landed them in a tyrant's hands, she wasn't quite sure they knew what the greater good meant. 

But trust? 

Winnie Buldstrode caught herself around far too many people than usual these days, all of which that went against her rule of 'no friends,' it made her throat clogged with boulders and her heart beat heavily against her chest. In the end, Hermione's furious, stern gaze won against Winnie's empty ones, the blonde turned her head away and back towards the window. 

"You're doing it again," Winnie didn't need to turn to gaze at the girl to guess what that it was. It was an action she did more than she would admit, push, distance, act like nothing bothered her. "It's a wonder you weren't in Slytherin, you make a good one." If it was meant to make the girl flinch or feel with guilt, it failed greatly. She already knew that, she supposed it was why she excelled for so many years, why she managed to stay up above the water. But the water was slowly growing deeper, her chest caving in and growing heavier each day that passed. It was only a matter of time before she would slip. 

Hermione didn't say anything else, Winnie wasn't aware of how much time had passed. Nor, was she aware of the brunette girl staring holes into the side of her head. Waiting, not moving in the emptiness of the library, giving the blonde time she didn't ask for. 

The falling snow created patterns against the wide glass, the blonde's eyes watched the delicate snowflakes fall, whirling in the wind. The white against the bright glare of the sun shined thinly in on the two girls, the sun slowly moving down over the trees as evening time set in. It reminded Winnie of when she was a child. 

She had been six years old when she was first allowed to play freely in the snow, Cordelia had spent the night at the Buldstrode manor. Back before she was exiled, back before their families became more bitter and less warmth. Cordelia, Millicent and herself had spent nearly all day out in the fields, rolling snow into balls and creating snowman's. Her father had come out at one point and enchanted them to dance, Winnie could say that it was the probably the last time she laughed so hard. Their cheeks and noses flushed red and fingers numb without care, they had spent that night wrapped in blankets by the fire, hot cocoa in their hands as they giggled and talked the night away before falling asleep together in under the fire. All three girls at peace with their world, unknown to the horrors and the distance that would be placed upon them.

Winnie shuddered softly, a tear running down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away before her hand moved to her mouth, her blood pounding in her ears as copper tinged in her mouth. Winnie suspected her hand would be a sour sight to see, all torn with new wounds from her teeth and red words sprawled across her hand. 

Eventually her eyes turned back to Hermione, who was sitting with her back against the chair. Flashcards in her hand as she mumbled to herself, rereading the words sprawled across the cards. The blonde expected her to leave at some point, in reality she really shouldn't be surprised by Hermione's actions. Winnie has stayed with the girl over the years as she cried and ranted rather angrily over school or her friends. 

It seemed as if Winnie Buldstrode kept expecting the worse of people. 

"He's coming to my home," she spoke finally, her voice cracking slightly as she turned her eyes down onto the table. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Hermione freeze, her hands in the middle of pulling out a new card from behind the stack. 

"Who?" Hermione's voice was a whisper, shaken and her eyes staring at the blonde warily. Winnie found herself being able to snort slightly, tugging on the loose strands of her hair as she sighed. 

"Who else could there be?" She spoke bitterly, her lips quirking upwards as she turned her eyes to the girl. "He's coming and I'm afraid I'm not going to have a choice." Hermione had dropped her cards then, her hands moving towards Winnie's free one and wrapping them together. It was an action the girl saw her do towards Harry and Ron in the past. Whenever there was a sign of terror, comfort in touch seemed to help the Gryffindors. Winnie couldn't day the same for herself despite being in their house, her body had tensed as she stared at the hand wrapped around her own. Hermione didn't seem to notice, or she just didn't care. 

"There has to be a choice, Winnie... are you positive?" Hermione trailed off, staring at her with wide brown eyes that made the blonde wish she could smile and pretend it was all a joke. She wasn't sure, but she felt it inside of her, she felt the truth and that was good enough. 

"There is a choice yes," Winnie paused as she turned to stare at a book behind Hermione's shoulder. Her free hand clenching into a fist that caused the words written across them to pull, unsealed and left unhealed properly from the continued torture with the quill. "I could choose to die," she whispered softly as she felt Hermione's hand wrap around her tighter. Before she knew it, the Gryffindor had her arms around her and was hugging her so furiously that it left Winnie stunned. For a moment, she wondered when she had ever been hugged with so much emotion and she found herself feeling hallow when she realized she hadn't. 

She didn't know when Hermione started to cry, and she felt her own eyes swell slightly. But she furiously blinked it down, wrapping her arms around the girl and hugging her girl. It was no use to cry over a fact that was true. If she didn't agree with the plan, if she didn't be the obedient daughter she failed to be, she would be as good as dead. Millicent had hinted at it enough to leave with a smirk across her sisters face. 

"It won't come to that, we'll figure out something Winnie, I promise," Hermione spoke sternly, pulling away as she wiped at her now flushed cheeks. Winnie lips pursed into a line, her head shaking as she opened her mouth to decline. "No, we will. If what you say is true, then ... then this is war and it's starting. You aren't going to die because of it." 

"People will die Hermione," Winnie's voice came out as a tired sigh, her back hitting the chair she sat in as Hermione's lips pulled into a line. It was the truth at the end of the day, a war was coming and people will die because of it. Good people, with futures, families, good people who spent their lives making others happy. 

"Yes, they will," Hermione answered thickly, her eyes falling down to the cards splashed across the table. Winnie watched as the seconds ticked by, her finger twisting the silver ring on her finger. "But that doesn't mean we can't do everything we can to stop it. Nothing will happen to you," the brunette added more sternly. Her eyes catching Winnie's as the female sat up straighter, and for the first time in a while, Winnie decided to trust someone other than herself. 

She only hoped that trust would be worth it.


	11. IX. there’s a ghost!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The DA meeting arrives with a bang ... and maybe a ghost?

"ARE YOU GOING TO ASK HER?" Winnie jumped, spilling water over the front of her robes as she stared wide eyed at Hermione Granger. The pair had left the comfort of the library only forty minutes earlier, Hermione's head held high with determination, while Winnie braced her lips with a smile and pretended nothing was wrong. 

She thought she was doing a damn good job too, until Hermione appeared by her side at the table and reminded her of the fuckery that was her life. 

"Merlin's saggy ball sack! Are you planning to kill me yourself?" Winnie hissed as Hermione rolled her eyes and muttered a drying spell over the blonde, the water that seeped into Winnie's blouse and skirt disappearing quickly. Instead of answering, Hermione raised her eyebrow pointedly at her, her head tilting as the other female grumbled. 

"It's no good, she'll shut down like a bloody bludger aiming for their target," Winnie spoke as she stuffed her face with a fork full of vegetables. Hermione had managed to drag out the questions in the blonde's head of her grandfather's death, as well as Max's. At the end, both girls were determined that there was something concerning about both deaths, leaving Hermione now insisting on Winnie asking Cordelia about it, which the blonde couldn't help thinking that it was an awful plan. 

"Well, ask Marcus then," Hermione suggested matter of factly as the blonde dropped her fork, pinching the bridge of her nose before swinging her leg over the bench. Her eyes moving to stare at the Slytherin table, watching Marcus Flint talk quietly to his friends on the quidditch team. Winnie and Marcus were quite content living their lives pretending the other didn't exist, it was an almost secret deal between them. Survival of the fittest, Marcus didn't acknowledge Winnie, he was allowed to live. Winnie didn't acknowledge Marcus, and she didn't care to. 

"You're sending me to my death," Winnie huffed, looking back at Hermione who rolled her eyes, pushing herself up off the bench. Her hand falling to wrap around Winnie's wrist and pulling her up. 

"No, I'm trying to save you. The only way I can is to find out what exactly Millicent meant, and well ... only they would know," Hermione spoke, frowning as she pulled Winnie between the row of the Hufflepuff and Gryffindor table. Winnie's eyes fell to the Slytherin table once more, the dread burying itself back inside of her as she came to a halt. 

"What if I don't like what I find out?" She questioned pulling Hermione to look at her. She ignored the curious looks of people who stared at the two girls, confused as to why they looked as if they were fighting death itself. 

"Well, at least you know the truth," Hermione whispered, squeezing the girls hand before nudging her towards the Slytherin table. Winnie stumbled slightly, sending glares to the first year Slytherin's who giggled slightly at her. Just as she turned to walk down the aisle, Hermione ran back up to her, stopping her before whispering in her ear. "Tell Cordelia about the DA meeting tomorrow at eight." 

Winnie glared at the female who grinned and ran back towards their table, feeling eyes on her, she pushed her face to remain passive. Squaring her shoulders back and walking towards Cordelia first, who had seemed to notice her and Hermione's interaction for she was watching her with raised eyebrows. Winnie made a point to ignore both Claire's and Theo's watching eyes as well. 

She twisted the silver ring on her finger as she approached, her heart thumping as she fluttered her eyes to Marcus who had now begun to watch her as well. Of course, she's the bloody circus act it seems. The female stopped abruptly in front of her cousin, who stared up at her with a raised eyebrow. Clearing her throat, Winnie leaned down to whisper in her cousin's ear. 

"The first meeting is tomorrow at eight, meet me here and we'll go together," she stood up then, nodding her head as she twisted her ring once more, eyes flickering to Marcus who was watching them over the rim of his cup. 

"You know," Theo started as Winnie snapped her attention to the boy. Her eyes widening a quarter of a fraction, they had barely spoken since his failed attempt at asking her to Hogsmeade. She never knew what she would get from the brunet boy when she passed by him now, sometimes he didn't acknowledge her. While other times he would send her a wink and smirk at her as they passed. Now, he watched her with mossy green eyes, a smile across his lips but his eyes staring hard at her face. Flickering from her hands that she knew was still red from her tearing at them and to her face. "I read somewhere that camisole tea helps with anxiety and the nerves. Interesting isn't it?" 

Winnie blinked, staring at him as he stared at her. His green eyes flickering with an emotion she didn't wish to know, and for a moment she found herself wondering if he was concerned. Her cheeks flushed briefly, as she turned her eyes quickly down hoping he didn't see the colour move across her face. 

"Interesting indeed," she mumbled, glancing up at him once more as he lifted his glass to his lips. Keeping his eyes on her, she felt her stomach sink with warmth at the pool of his gaze, she didn't even utter another word for Cordelia, instead she quickly moved to Marcus. 

"Can we talk?" She questioned quickly, her words stringing together as she fidgeted slightly. Before she pinched her arm, stilling herself to stay still. Marcus lifted an eyebrow at her, his eyes moving over her face, she narrowed her eyes, daring him to say no. Finally he nodded, excusing himself from his friends. Winnie stood with her back straight as he gathered his bag, draping it over his shoulder, the blonde avoided Cordelia's eyes, feeling her cousin's gaze burn holes in her back as she walked out of the hall with Marcus. 

"What is it, Winifred?" Marcus questioned as he leaned against the wall, Winnie's eyes narrowing further at the use of her full name. The brunet smirked slightly, picking imaginary dust off his shoulder. "My apologies, what is it, Winnie?" 

The blonde watched as a group walked past them, hurrying as she sent them a glare. Winnie turned her attention back towards her cousin, moving the words over in her head, she had no idea on how he would react. Marcus was always the more mysterious sibling of the three Flints, Cordelia was almost an open book to her. She knew how to word her words, how to act around Cordelia, but Marcus was a mystery to her. 

In the end, Winnie decided being blunt was better than nothing. 

"What happened to Max?" Whatever her cousin had been expecting, it wasn't that. She watched as he admittedly stood straighter, his jaw clenching as he glanced around them. He stepped closer to her, towering over her slightly as she stood her ground, chin raising. She was going to leave with her answers, she wasn't going to let it go, not this time. 

"Why do you ask?" He spoke sternly, watching her as she gritted her teeth slightly. Watching as another group walked past them, completely ignoring them as they talked amongst themselves. 

"I need to know Marcus, it's..." she paused trying to find the correct words, sighing she turned her eyes back to him. "It's important, more important than I can explain, I just need to know." Marcus stood still for a moment, his gaze staring bitter at her as if he was considering running away, and Winnie hoped that he didn't. She watched as he clenched his jaw again, before finally he slumped, his shoulders faltering and a hand moving through his black locks. 

"Our father killed him," Marcus admittedly sourly, his eyes, now glossy, casting to the floor as Winnie's breath caught in her throat. She blinked, processing the words as her lips parted. 

"He, but..." she stopped as his eyes met hers again. Pupils dilated as pain swam beneath them, and any questions or doubts vanished. Her shoulder slumped like his own, eyes wide as pieces of the puzzle connected in her mind. "Does Cordelia know?" She questioned lowly as Marcus snorted, nodding his head as an answer. It made sense now, why Cordelia shut down, why she was so affected. Maximus Flint was murdered by his own father, her uncle. 

Winnie felt bile burn her throat, her eyes squeezed shut as she let out a shaky breath. Millicent knew, she knew and she didn't care. She used the death as a threat towards her, Max was murdered and if Winnie didn't fall in line she would be too. 

"You're in trouble," It wasn't a question, it was an observation more than anything. Winnie opened her eyes to see Marcus stare at her with his lips drawn to a line. She wanted to laugh, wanted to scream maybe, because it was all very funny to her. She knew her family were fucked, but murder? She thought them at least better than that. 

"I'm afraid so," she mumbled brokenly, her eyes falling down to the floor as she let out a bitter laugh from her lips. "Our family is so lovely," she muttered sarcastically, looking up as Marcus laughed suddenly. His eyes rolling as he sighed, before his lips pulled into a line once more. His eyes tracing her face before he sighed slightly. 

"You can't die, too many people in our family already have," Marcus spoke softly, Winnie's lips pulling into a line as she looked behind him. Seeing her other cousin walk out with Theo and Claire, Cordelia instantly found her brother and cousin still speaking to each other. Winnie offered her a small smile, hoping it covered the pain that swam in her eyes and heart. "We can't lose anyone else."

"I don't plan on dying Marcus, no matter what it takes," she insisted, looking back at her cousin who nodded. In the end she would memorize those words throughout everything, Winnie Buldstrode had no intention of dying, no matter what the world threw at her. 

——————

SLEEP HADN'T GREETED HER THAT NIGHT, she had laid with her hair blowing out around her pillow. Her cat purring as it laid curled upon her chest, molten eyes staring at the flickering stars at the top of four poster. Sleep greeted her around four am, though her mind was anything but peace was anything that greeted her. She had awoken an hour later, clutching her chest as she dry heaved. Hair sticking to the back of her neck and cheeks with sweat that looked down her face, images of Maximus Flint dead by the hands of his uncles flashing through her mind. 

She didn't try to sleep again. 

She had been up and dressed by the time her roommates woke up, her hair pulled half up with clear butterfly clips. — she stole these from her sister, and no she isn't giving them back — Her eyes flashed and sagged with violent bags kissing under her eyes, and Winnie pretended she didn't notice. Images of nightmares still flicked through her mind like a tape, running over and over again as she moved throughout her day. Smiling and laughing, with her eyes blank as she trained herself not to to betray any emotion. 

It didn't help that Hermione Granger seemed to make it her life mission to remind her of her current situation every passing minute, the brunette had approached her in between classes. Winnie hadn't informed her of what she learned from Marcus, she felt like she didn't have to, one look at the girl that morning and it was written across her face that she knew. 

It was as if she had been slapped in the face the moment she saw Cordelia Flint waiting for her quarter to eight that evening. Her face fell white and images of a boy she knew was killed flashed through her mind. Her feet froze by the beginning of the steps, watching as her cousin stayed leaning against the wall. Her eyes staring out one of the windows besides the Great Hall. For a moment, Winnie considered turning and running. She didn't know how she could face her with everything, with everything that Winnie was slowly discovering, with everything that has yet happened. 

And yet, she braved whatever small courage she had inside of her. Her hands running down the surface of her grey striped trousers, a white turtleneck tucked neatly into her pants. Her black boots hit loudly against the quiet of the hall, she knew fifth year perfects would start rounds at nine. For now she was safe to walk freely through the halls without questions, Winnie was thankful for that, she was positive she would explode if she ran into Draco and Pansy on their rounds. 

( Rumours had run like wildfire through the halls, all of Dracos and Pansy's messy breakup, all because the platinum git spent his time looking at someone else far too much. Winnie didn't exactly like knowing who this other person was. )

"There you are, took you long enough," Cordelia sighed pushing herself up off the wall, her hair pulled into a ponytail that laid against the top of her head. "Come on then, lead me to my doom." Winnie rolled her eyes, suppressing a grin as they started walking back up the stairs, her hair falling in platinum blonde strands against her shoulders. 

"Hermione said it was opposite of that Barnabas the Barmy being clubbed by trolls tapestry," Winnie spoke up eventually, when she was quite sure she had gathered colour to her cheeks once more and her stomach wasn't feeling as if she was about to puke up her dinner. 

"Seventh floor, correct?" Cordelia questioned as they got stuck on a moving staircase, the blonde huffing as she leaned against the stone. The girl nodded her head in reply, her eyes falling to the ring on her finger, twisting it again as she stared at her shoes. Noticing a smudge of dirt, her lips titled to a frown, leaning down and wiping it off with her thumb. 

"Well, what's going on? You're basically avoiding looking at me, so what the bloody hell is wrong?" Cordelia questioned sternly, Winnie's hand freezing as she shot back up, flickering her eyes towards her cousin before back to where the staircase stopped. 

"Oh look it's stopped, come on—" the blonde paused her step as her wrist was suddenly held back by her cousin. The girl froze, looking behind her at the Slytherin who was staring coldly at her. Her lips pressed into a line, eyebrows furrowed and her hand still wrapped around her wrist. Winnie's foot fell back to meet the ground, her lip slipping between her teeth slightly, she wondered if she should tell Cordelia. About her parents, about Millicent words, about her knowing about Max. Ever since they were children they were always honest, in a family of lies, being blunt with each other was how they survived. 

In the next few months she'll wonder when surviving started turning into faking. 

"I'm just tired Cor, Millicent said something yesterday and I guess it unnerved me," Winnie shoulders sagged slightly, her hand falling to twist into her cousins. The blonde squeezed her hand softly, placing a smile on the tilt of their lips and hoping to Rowena Ravenclaw, Cordelia believed her. 

"What did she say?" Cordelia questioned, losing the edge to her voice as the two started walking again. Winnie's hand pulled from hers as she crossed her arms across her chest. Gnawing on her lip again as held back a huff, she should've known Cordelia would ask. 

"The usual you know," she shrugged looking over at the brunette who stared back at her with a raised eyebrow. She had a funny feeling her cousin didn't believe her at all, so she sighed and slipped some truth into her mask. "She mentioned Grandpa. You know the great brute who used to freak everyone out?" 

Cordelia's mouth pressed into a line as they walked around the corner, "the one who swore too much?" She questioned, receiving a snort from the blonde beside her. 

"That's the one," Winnie grinned looking down at the floor, by the time she was four she knew how to properly say 'fucking slag' and 'bitch', she earned quite a few good old screaming matches for that. 

"So that's why you look like Bloody Baron all the time," Cordelia's words tumbled out of her lips, Winnie's mouth falling open as she looked over at the girl. Who's lips were turned up slightly, acting as if she told the joke of the century.

"Not that bloody ghost, all he does is walk around like a depressed goat," Winnie gasped as Cordelia snorted slightly, turning her head to the side to look at her, the two cousins breaking out into a small fit of laughter as they approached another staircase. 

The two's laughter slowly died out, leaving them in a pool of silence as they hit the sixth floor, the air moving around them like the ghost of their lies. Both merrily contempt in the bubble they made around each other, ignoring as it slowly melted like snow on a spring day. Littling until it's finally disappeared, leaving nothing but the remains of what used to be. 

"Theo loves you, you know," Cordelia spoke softly suddenly, causing Winnie to stumble slightly as she bristled. Looking over at Cordelia with wide eyes, her hand falling to her side, twisting her ring once more. Her cousin simply stopped walking beside her, ignoring the groups of people who walked past them and disappeared into a door nearly five feet away from them. 

"I," she paused as she felt her face go slack, her stomach twist and turn with her skin crawling. He loves her. Surely not, she wondered why she was the only one who ever seemed to see the truth. Theodore Nott could not love her, he didn't know her, and even if he did, didn't he have others? No, he could not love her. "He doesn't Cordelia. He doesn't love me, and I'm tired of being the only one who—"

"Exactly! You're the only one who doesn't see the truth. Look, I know him better than anyone — we've been friends since we were little, alright? I know what he's like when he loves someone. He loves you and you can't keep giving him bullshit, I don't want him hurt. I love you, believe me, I do, but you need to stop fucking around. Give him the time of day or don't bother at all, it isn't a game, not to him. Open your eyes, because it seems like a game to you," Cordelia finished, her eyes holding no anger or hatred, just simple sympathy and sadness. Winnie's mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton swabs, her eyes staring empty at her cousin who simply sighed, smiling sadly. "It won't turn out good for both of you if you don't stop, he does love you. I hope you are able to see that." 

With that, the brunette turned on her heel and headed towards the doors. Leaving the blonde standing alone with her eyes watching her cousin disappear behind the door. Winnie's chest heaved as she sucked in a deep breath, her back falling against the stone, her eyes closing as she tried to clear her mind. 

It was no use, of course. She felt as if her world had titled all over again. Standing on a cliff's edge with a foot dangling off, waiting for her to fall into the depths of black waves crashing harshly against jagged rocks. Staring up at her with open arms, giggling as tears coated her white face, false comfort in hell, waiting for her to join them. 

Theodore Nott consumed her mind, mossy green eyes filled with emotions she didn't understand, nor ever tried to. Love. His arm thrown around her shoulder as honey flowed off his tongue, a smile placed across the pink of his lips. Love. Theodore Nott showing up in moments where her world filled with black and white, where suddenly green was all she could see. Love. Theodore Nott with his hand on her cheek, thumb tracing against the skin under her eye, green staring into a burst of brown. Love. 

"A-Are you alright?" She stiffened as a hand was placed against her shoulder, causing her to flinch back as if she was burned. Green slowly trailed away from her mind as a head of light brown hair hit her eyesight, she blinked as her world grew from a haze to clarity, only to find Neville Longbottom standing sheepilsy beside her. Round cheeks red as he looked down, " 'M sorry, didn't mean to startle you." 

"Oh, It's okay. Sorry, I'm fine thank you," she smiled awkwardly, realizing she had never had a conversation with the boy before in her life. She straighten herself up, smoothing down the fabric of her trousers before quickly placing a smile on her face. Despite the fact all she saw was green in her mind, on the outside all she saw black and white and a practiced smile. "I'm assuming you're going there correct?" She asked, throwing her thumb over her shoulder at the door against the wall. She wondered briefly when in the love of Circle did the door got there, she was positive it had never been there before that evening. 

"Yeah I was just going there," Neville mumbled still looking at his shoes, she believed that he would run away from her if she raised a finger towards him. It was a thought that made her feel ten times shorter, her world strengthening in black and white as darkness gazed her eyes.

"So you like Herbology?" She questioned as the two started walking, Neville walking slightly behind her. The boy looked surprised at the question, his eyes filling with adoration at the mention of the subject, it was almost enough to make her smile truly. 

"Yes, I do, do you?" He questioned as they neared the door, his voice now louder and clearer. The female opened the wide black door, stepping aside to let him in first. 

"A little, mind if I find you to ask you questions about an assignment sometime?" She really didn't need to ask anyone questions, she would read the inside and outside of a book to happily do so, but watching him skirt around her like a mouse was enough to send her into the depths below. She didn't want to be feared. 

"Of course! I have books you can burrow as well," the male spoke happily, and Winnie found herself truly smiling at him, his face reminding her of a puppy dog receiving a treat. 

"That'll be lovely thank you," she spoke, closing the door behind them. "It was nice talking to you Neville," she added as she noticed Cordelia standing by herself, she waved a goodbye before turning on her heel towards her cousin. Her world black and white with images of green twirling inside her mind, her cousin didn't look at her as she came to stand by her side. Simply continued to look around the room, while the blonde's skin prickled with the truth. 

"You're right," she whispered to her after a moment, staring straight ahead of her. If Cordelia understood she didn't reply, and Winnie was incredibly thankful for that. The blonde instead looked around the room, blinking in surprise at seeing dueling mannequins set up around them, cushions against the walls and near a place on the floor. Bookshelves filled with books lined one wall, and Winnie itched to go see it. 

Seeing everyone else starting to sit on cushions, Winnie tugged Cordelia over with her. The two sitting on a cushion each beside Ginny, who nodded her head at Winnie and ignored Cordelia. Winnie sniffed slightly, suddenly wishing the Weasleys weren't so predictable and judgemental against Slytherin's. Bloody wankers. 

"Well," Harry started, catching everyone's attention as they all sat looking up at him. "This is the place we've found for practice sessions, and you've —er— obviously found it ok." Winnie snorted slightly, noticing people look at her, she clamped her hand over her mouth, sending a look to Harry who glared at her slightly. 

"Well, I've been thinking about the sort of stuff we ought to do first and — er — what Hermione?" Harry sighed as Winnie turned her head to look at the brunette girl who had her hand raised. Is this a classroom? Did she have to raise her hand to pee now? She wondered if she had to ask Harry that, and hoped she didn't. 

"I think we ought to elect a leader." Hermione announced as Winnie rolled her eyes, hearing Cordelia snort from beside her. 

"Harry's leader," Cathy spoke up as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, Winnie had to agree. 

"Yes, but I think we ought to vote on it properly," Hermione spoke unfazed by the way people sighed around her. Eventually, everyone's hand was in the air to elect Harry as leader, Harry's face burned from the attention. 

"Er— right, thanks," Harry muttered, opening his mouth to speak just as Hermione's hand shot up once more. "What Hermione?" 

"I also think we ought to have a name," she spoke brightly, her hand still raised in the air. "It would promote a feeling of team spirit and unity, don't you think?" 

"Can we be the Anti-Umbridge League?" Angelina Johnson spoke up, Winnie's lips titling up, thinking she'd rather like that name. 

"Or the Ministry of Magic are Morons Group," Fred suggested, Winnie suppressing a laugh at the boy's words. 

"I was thinking," Hermione spoke sternly, frowning at Fred who grinned back at her. "More of a name that didn't tell everyone what we were up to, so we could refer to it freely outside of meetings." As much as the names that blankly disrespected everyone were quite hilarious ro the blonde, she couldn't help but agree with the girls' words. 

"The Defence Association?" Suggested Cathy, her head titling, "the DA for short, so nobody knows what we're talking about." 

"Yeah the DA's good," Ginny spoke up from beside Winnie, the redhead's hair flickering over her shoulder as she grinned. "Only let's make it stand for Dumbledore's Army, because that's the Ministry's worst fear, isn't it?" There were silent murders of agreement amongst the group, Winnie couldn't help but think the name was bloody brilliant. 

"All in favour of the DA?" Hermione questioned, parchment in one hand as he kneeled up to count the raised hands. "That's a majority — notion passed!" She stood then, pinning the parchment with all their names on it wall before writing 'Dumbledore's Army' in big letters on top. 

"Right," Harry spoke, clearing his throat as Hermione sat down once more. "shall we get practicing then? I was thinking, the first thing we should do is Expelliarmus, you know, the Disarming Charm. I know it's pretty basic but I've found it's really useful—"

"Oh please," Zacaharias Smith spoke up from the front row, Winnie's head falling into her hands as she grumbled. Cordelia nudging her with her elbow, which earned a 'what the fuck is he doing?' glance from Winnie. "I don't think Expeliarmus is going to help us against You-Know-Who, do you?" 

"I've used it against him," Harry spoke quietly, staring at the blonde as Winnie's lips twisted into a frown. "It saved my life last June," Winnie's heart dropped, her gaze turning to Zacharias and suddenly having a craving for killing a Hufflepuff. She glanced at Cordelia who was staring at the raven haired boy, her lips twisted into a frown and eyes sunk down with grief. "But if you think it's beneath you, you can leave."

The room was thick with silence as Zacharias slumped, nobody daring to utter a word as the air moved uncomfortably around them. Finally, Winnie sighed and sat up straighter, "don't you think Smith would look good as trash?" Her words were faked with a loud whisper, causing everyone to turn to her as she grinned. 

"Oi! I heard that Bulstrode," Zach shouted, twisting in his cushion to stare at her as her face fell. Her eyes wide, twisting around as she sat and looking bewilderingly around her. 

"Did you hear that?" She gasped as her hands fell to cover her mouth. "Merlin's beard, I think there's a ghost here." A few people chuckled around her as Zacharias turned beet red in his spot, staring at her with daggers in his eyes as she smiled at him, wiggling her fingers in a wave. 

"Winnie," Cordelia muttered from beside her, the blonde looking at her cousin, smiling as she saw Cordelia holding back a laugh. 

"Right anyway," Harry cut in, when he opened his mouth to speak once more, the doors banged open, and Ron strided in, drenched from the pouring rain outside and beside him, a girl. 

"Ron," he said, loudly, causing everyone to turn to look at the redhead. Winnie was already watching the interaction, her eyes peeled on them the moment they walked into the room. 

"Sorry I'm late," he said gruffly, running his hand through his hair as Hermione went over to him and the girl, using the drying spell on them both. "I brought a friend, she couldn't make it to the Hog's head."

The girl stamped on his foot and he yelped, nearly stumbling backwards and almost falling to the floor. Hermione waved her wand and caught him before he fell, and he stood up again, shooting a glare to the girl. Winnie suppressed a laugh as she watch Odile smile innocently at the redhead, as if she didn't just stomp on his foot. 

"Thanks, Odile, really," he said, scowling. 

"You're welcome." said the girl, Odile, with an evil grin. "And I'm not his friend, by the way."

She strode over to sit beside Cedric Diggory, who greeted her with a smile, Winnie watched the two for a moment before looking back towards Harry. Winnie had already seen the girl before, Odile Mcclarren, a sixth year Hufflepuff who she passed some nights on the way towards the kitchens.

"I reckon we should all divide into pairs and practise," Harry spoke finally, looking at the whole group, Winnie couldn't help but think he was rather eager to get started and to get out of the spotlight. 

Which is exactly what everyone had done, dividing into pairs with their wanda slipping into their hands. Winnie and Cordelia sorted themselves out into a pair besides Cedric and Odile, the blonde smiled at the pair, watching Cordelia do the same before the two started to practice. For the first few tries, it went unsuccessful, until the two started to get restless, and tired with their wands wagging in their hands instead of moving. 

Winnie huffed, yelling out Expeliarmus louder, which resulted in Cordelia's wand flying out of her hand. But instead of flying into Winnie's free hand, it clunked hard against her forehead. Causing the female to freeze in surprise, dull pain sprouting from the middle of her forehead as Coedelia's wand clattered the ground. 

Soft laughter filled around her and as Cordelia walked up to collect her fallen wand, Cedric and Odile both laughed beside them, trying to hide their laughter behind their hands. Winnie rolled her eyes, suppressing a smile before twirling her wand in her hand. 

"Yeah, yeah real funny," she grumbled, causing the three to laugh harder, Cedric shifting on his crutches as a loud whistle suddenly rang through the room. Causing everyone to freeze and look towards Harry who stood in front of Neville besides a bookcase. 

"That wasn't bad," he started as Winnie rolled her eyes, tell that to the pain in my bloody forehead. She had half the mind to yell that at him, but then remembered the scar on his forehead, and though better of it. She certainly wasn't about to be that person. "But there's definite room for improvement, let's try again." 

The cousins returned to their spell work, this time working a lot smoother. Winnie managed to catch Cordelia's wand three more, — not by her forehead — while Cordelia caught hers a total for four by the time Harry approached them from his rounds among the groups. 

"Hey Harry! Look what Cordelia did!" Winnie spoke loudly as she walked towards Cordelia who's eyes widen, throwing her cousin a glare as she smiled sweetly. Harry freezing in his steps for a moment, face flashing red. His eyes moved to the two wands in between Cordelia's hands, and Winnie grinned as he looked back up. 

"Er— good, yeah good job," he stumbled as Winnie watched Cordelia's face flush slightly. 

"She's done it four times now, fast learner and all that," she spoke waving her hand in front of her as she grinned. Cordelia nudging her with her elbow on her hip bone, causing the blonde to stiffen and glare at her cousin. Harry continued to stand awkwardly beside them as he shifted on his feet. 

"That's brilliant Cordelia," he spoke after a moment, his light green eyes sparking as he looked at the brunette. Winnie stood straighter as she slowly slipped back her wand out of Cordelia's hold. 

"Uhm, thank you Harry," Cordelia mumbled as she blushed, Winnie walked back to her spot, smiling as she watched Harry scratch the back of his neck. Cordelia and Harry speaking to each other, both of their faces beat red as they stood. 

"Are you trying to play matchmaker?" Winnie jumped slightly as a voice moved over her shoulder, her head turning to see Odile standing beside her, a smile on her lips. Winnie grinned, looking back as Harry started to walk away, Cordelia watching him for a moment. 

"No idea what you're talking about," Winnie shrugged, looking back at the older girl who laughed slightly, tapping Winnie's shoulder with her wand. 

"For the record, pretty sure it's working," Odile grinned, turning back to Cedric who raised an eyebrow at her. The two talking quietly amongst themselves, before returning their duel. Winnie turned, only to come smacked in the face by accident with Cordelia's forehead against her own. Winnie stumbled, raising a hand to her forehead as she glared at her cousin who was glaring back at her. 

"Bloody hell, are you trying to bruise me?" Winnie grumbled. 

"What in Salazar was that about?" Cordelia whispered and shouted the same time Winnie spoke. The two staring at each other before continuing to speak over each other. 

"I have no idea what you are talking about." 

"It's your own bloody fault for walking into my forehead." 

"Walking into your forehead! Do you even hear yourself when you speak?" 

"Stop playing bloody matchmaker!" 

"I'm not doing anything! Harry was coming around to each duel, I was just—"

"You're being completely unnecessary, theres—" 

"You're being over dramatic."

"I am not!" 

"Yes you are!" 

"Guys, people are looking," Odile spoke up awkwardly as she approached the two cousin. Who stood facing each other, both of their faces red, while one clutched her wand, the other rubbed her forehead which was sure to form a bruise by the morning. Winnie blinked, looking around to indeed see people watching them curiously, the blonde rolled her eyes, stepping back and glaring at them all. 

"Nothing to see here, continue on," Winnie argued, waving her hand in a shooing direction. 

"Oh would you stop staring, you bloody nosy bats," Cordelia grumbled, crossing her arms and glaring at everyone, causing everyone to turn and look away. The two girls rolled their eyes at the same time, sighing before looking back at each other. 

"Stop meddling," Cordelia grunted as Winnie opened her mouth to argue, that she was in fact, not meddling at all, thank you very much! "You are, don't even argue with me or I'll hex straight to bloody Flich's room of doom." 

Winnie blinked, staring at Cordelia as she stared back before finally cracking a grin. "Flich's room of doom?" She questioned, snorting as Cordelia grinned, shrugging.

"Whatever, first thing I thought of," she laughed, as she turned and started to walk back to her spot. 

"And how do you know Flich has a room of doom, huh?" Winnie smirked, as she stood back into a dueling stance. Cordelia's mouth falling open, as she stared wide-eyed at her. 

"That's disgusting," Cordelia shuddered as Winnie laughed loudly, earning a glare and a tiny glimpse of a grin from her cousin. 

"You said it not me," Winnie shrugged as she smiled, muttering the spell before Cordelia could register what she was doing. Winnie stood up straighter, smirking as she grasped Cordelia's wand in her hand. The brunette threw her a rather vulgar gesture which caused Winnie to smile wider. 

The cousins existed simply in a bubble of safety created when they were children, a bubble that was slowly disarming around them without even being noticed. By the time it shouted, whistling around them in the wind of spring, it would be too late. The fallout would start and their bubble would shatter as easily as the secrets built between them would.


	12. X. nothing to fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winnie Buldstrode takes a leap of faith, and perhaps finds it isn’t all that bad.

WINNIE BULDSTRODE DESPERATELY WISHED FOR SOME COFFEE, never in her almost sixteen years of life has she wanted the substance more than that morning. She had endured an awful night trying to escape the quills and snotty eyes of Professor Umbridge. ( It had been two days since the meeting in the Room of Requirement, and Winnie spent most of her time trying to practice the spells. ) It also hadn't helped that everyone everywhere seemed to be whispering and talking about the upcoming quidditch match that night — Winnie absolutely hated the sport, and with Gryffindor going against Slytherin, she wanted to be as far away from the bloody mess as she could. 

She had already made a plan to hide herself away at her table in the library, perfectly content on pretending the world very much did not exist thank you very much! 

Which was the only thing getting her through the day of horrors, ( okay maybe she was a little dramatic ) but her stomach had twisted into knots, hands calmly as she slowly reached her next class; Herbology. It's a perfectly fine class, of course, the blonde really would have no problems if it wasn't for the fact she was partnered with Theodore Nott out of all people. 

Okay, really, she had to admit it wasn't that bad. She would have no problem ( okay maybe she would ) being his partner if it wasn't for her cousin's unforgettable words. The days after the DA meeting had insisted of Winnie going beet red in the face anytime Theodore approached her, which also caused her to scurry away in some lame excuse. She even once insisted she had to pee, which wasn't technically a lie but she also wasn't threatening to piss her trousers. 

But she couldn't avoid him forever, and maybe she truly didn't want to. Maybe she did want to hear his laugh, and maybe, maybe she didn't really think he was the devil's spawn. Yet, anytime her eyes met with ones of mossy green, she felt Cordelia's words hit her square in the chest, knocking the wind out of her and leaving her scrambling to the surface. 

He couldn't actually love her, could he? 

She wasn't blind, she could clearly see why someone would call her pretty. Hello, she didn't think she ugly, Merlin's beard no. But love her? She couldn't even dream of that, much less Theodore Nott. 

She had found herself paying more attention to him after that, she noticed that he almost always had a smile on his face. That he greeted people he didn't even know in the hallways, flashing them a hello as he passed. She had also come to notice that he almost always had a swarm of girls following him, especially after Potions. When his hair stuck to his forehead with droplets of humanity, when his robes were discarded, leaving him in a white Oxford blouse with his tie hung loosely around his neck, sleeves rolled to his elbows as he strolled carelessly down the hall. Winnie wasn't one to ever admit when a man looked ... even slightly good at all, but Merlin help her. Theodore Nott was positively captivating in a way she had never noticed before. 

At that point, she ran red face away, silently cursing Cordelia Flint in her head for ever saying that the blasted boy was in love with her. Winnie was more than content to return to pretending he was a loathsome idiot. But he wasn't, and that was the problem. 

She had decided she needed coffee once her head started pounding as if little trolls were beating on her brains, that or she just needed a good Obliviate on her mind to forget everything. She figured she'd be killed before anyone let that happen, figures. 

The blonde strolled into the Greenhouses with her head high in the air, her hair pinned back with a clip so it laid against the back of her neck. While the early December air nipped at her skin, she suspected snow to fall upon them once again soon. Seeing as the grounds of Hogwarts stayed brittle and green. 

Her feet carried her towards her normal desk, sitting down while pulling her bag off her shoulders. Sighing in relief from the straps and extra books she had shoved in it, rolling her shoulders in hopes to get the knots out of her muscles, a body plopped down in the seat beside her. Instantly her body stiffened as the smell of spice and cinnamon filled her senses. 

Well, no use in avoiding anymore. 

Her eyes met with Cordelia's across from her who was partnered with Claire. The two cousins stared back at one another, the brunette's eyes growing into skits while the blonde stared wide eyed. She had a choice now, it all fell down onto her cards. She shifted, turning her gaze away from her cousin and instead at the table in front of her. He hadn't spoken, she figured if it was last year, he would've been talking her ear off on ways to supposedly woe her. But he was silent, not saying a single word, and for some reason, the thought made Winnie's shoulder slump in defeat.

There were two ways she could take this now, two different roads she could choose to walk down. One, walking away from the brunette and all his words, in her mind, this was the most logical one. She never liked him, she didn't owe him anything, it was simple to turn away and go back to simply hating him. She had a feeling he would give up too, that she would hurt him beyond repair and simply give up on his fairytale land where they would be married. They would simply exist, two red lines connected together, pulling further away as grief and sorrow filled it. Depending on being pulled back together, until finally it would snap and nothing would be left. 

But the other road, the road that looked all the more frightening. A word where she would be what... a friend? No. Winnie Buldstrode didn't have any friends, and she doubted she could ever just be a friend to the boy. But she would be something, they would be something. The red invisible string tying them together would go stronger, would pull them closer, until it flowed into one. Moulding two and two together like puzzle pieces making one whole. This path started with an outstretched hand and ended as a complete set. 

Her eyes moved to his face, watching the tilt of his lips and the curve of his shoulders. Rigid with tense and stress that she had feeling was caused by herself. Her heart pounded in her ears, causing the headache to pound just as loudly. The two roads stared back at her, a world of black and white versus a world of colour, a world built by herself, or a world built upon possibilities. Her eyes turned away as she began to chew on her nails, could she do this? It wasn't as if she was going to be girlfriend. 

Blimey was she going to be his girlfriend? 

No of course, she wasn't even about to be friends. Simple acquaintances like Harry and Hermione. That's all, no issue there. Except there was, there was a very big issue, what if he didn't like what he saw? Too many variables could be wrong, she could barely stand being around the git for Merlin's Sake! 

She knew that was a lie as well as she knew the pit in her stomach would never go away. 

She had a choice, and so, Winnie Buldstrode picked a road.

"Hi," she spoke softly, her voice a whisper as she shifted in her seat. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the boy stiffen, his head turning to the side to look at her as she continued to stare at the table. 

"Hi," he replied after a moment, his voice a whisper that moved around her and she wondered for a moment if she heard it all. Then she looked up, her eyes meeting his and for the first time it was as if she was seeing him clearly. He wasn't the boy she hated, he wasn't the boy who showed up everywhere after she punched Draco Malfoy, he wasn't just Cordelia's annoying git friend. He was Theodore Nott, a stranger at the best of times. They were strangers to each other at the end of the day, they didn't have expectations of each other because they knew little to nothing about one another. The thought brought her comfort, and she smiled. 

"I'm Winnie Buldstrode," she spoke with a twitch of her lips as she held out her hand, watching as the boys eyebrows were drawn down together. His forehead wrinkling as he stared down at her outstretched hand. Her cheeks flushed slightly, realizing he had also had a choice now. A choice to leave, or a choice to return. She secretly prayed to Circle or whoever was watching them, that he picked to return. 

"I'm Theodore Nott," his hand fell into hers like a puzzle, moulding together as she smiled. Shaking his hand, feeling the toughness of his warm hand engulfing her smaller one. His Nott ring that sat on his thumb twinkled silver, an engraved N stuck out, twisting around it was blackbirds, twirling and moving like they were real. 

Their hands fell apart as the class started, their eyes staying trained amongst each other until they were demanded elsewhere. The two falling back against their chairs in a new found swirl of air around each other. New, untouched ground surrounded them, a sense that would usually drive Winnie into a fit and cause her to scurry away. Instead, she simply placed her hands on her lap, twisting her Grandpa's ring, whispering to herself that she was okay. That there was no reason to fear. 

And as they moved to work on their new project, Theo had sent her a smile before walking to get their plant. For a moment she found herself smiling at his back, yes, no reason to fear at all. 

—————

SHE WOULD BE LYING IF she said she wasn't in an incredibly better mood for the rest of the day. Of course, that is as good of a mood you can be in knowing there's a possibility for a deranged psychopath to be at your house during Christmas break, oh yeah, and the possibility that she could very much die from this. 

But still, at least now she wasn't walking around and grumbling about a headache every few minutes. No, she will not admit it had anything to do with a certain brunet smiling at her in Herbology! She would obviously tell you that it had all to do with Hermione Granger who seemed to have been walking on air and smiling as if she got all O's on her O.W.L's. When Winnie had questioned her about it as they studied in the library, Hermione simply shrugged and said it was Quidditch.

Which Winnie knew was a lie, of course, but hadn't bothered to question her anyway. Simply gave her narrowed eyes glares as the brunette scurried off to the quidditch field. 

She wasn't exactly sure how much time had passed, only that she knew it was nearly dark by the time Harry Potter ( out of all people! ) cane storming down the halls of the library. Nearly sending Madam Pince into a fit as she yelled for the boy to be quiet, which only earned an eye roll and a scrap of a chair as he slumped down across from her. Harry's hair was shot out in many different directions, a cut was split across his bottom lip. Dry blood coating against it, Winnie verbally frowned as she watched the boy take off his glasses and pince his nose. 

"What the bloody hell happened?" Winnie whispered harshly, seeing a crack in his round glasses, she huffed. Taking out her wand and repairing them as the boy muttered a small thanks in under his breath. "Look, tell me because you made the bloody long trek here, and I'm not about to hear you grumble Harry Potter." She glared as the boy looked up at her, his eyes narrowing before she finally sighed and lifted up her hand. Holding her pinky out as he stared at it, before finally sighing and wrapping his pinky in hers. 

"Malfoy happened," Harry finally spoke, the boy's  
name coming out like a curse rather than a name. Winnie sighed, closing the book she was reading and laying it down on the table. 

"What did he do now?" She sighed tiredly, wrapping her arms across her chest as the boy slumped forward. His head falling down onto the table, arms dangling off his knees. 

"Gryffindor won, no thanks to the Slytherin's singing a ridiculous song about Weasley being their king," Winnie's eyebrows furrowed slightly, making a mental note to ask Cordelia what the bloody hell that meant later. "Anyway, of course Malfoy had something to say. He insulted Molly and well, both me and the twins ended up hitting him," he paused then, looking up warily as if he expected her to yell at him for hitting someone. 

"Oh Harry," she snorted slightly as she rolled her eyes. "I'm not above violence or anything, the bloody menace deserves it I'm sure." She waved, looking back at the ceiling as Harry laughed bitterly. 

"It gets worse," he drawled under his breath as the female smirked slightly, she had no doubt that it did. "Umbridge got to us," the smirk vanished off her face as she sat up straighter, watching as Harry's face twisted into a scowl once more. 

"Oh no," she mumbled as the boy rolled his eyes, running a hand through his hair and causing the raven locks to be more of a clump on top of his head.

"We're banned from quidditch for the rest of the year, she even took my bloody Firebolt, and worst of all, Malfoy gets nothing," the boy muttered bitterly as Winnie scowled, not even the slightest bit surprised. The pink frog seemed to have a soft spot for all Slytherin's, especially Draco Malfoy and his stuck up arse. "That's actually not why I came here for though," Harry spoke after a moment, his voice losing its bitter edge. 

Winnie turned back to look at the male, watching as his eyes turned solemn, his fingers digging into the pocket of his trousers. "What is it then?" She questioned, watching as he pulled out a folded piece of parchment, his face flushing red and quickly shoving it back into his pocket. Weird. Finally, he pulled out a small silver chain, at the end, was a silver coin much like the DA one that sat in the pocket of her robe. "Are you giving me a necklace, Potter? I think Cordelia would prefer the gift though." She teased, watching as the boys face flushed crimson. 

"Shut it," he gritted out, now toying with the chain as he twisted it around his finger. His face staying flushed as he stared at the blonde across from him, his eyes blown wide with his eyebrows drawn down together. Her stomach twisted into knots, her smile falling as she started twisting her ring on her finger. 

"What is it? You're scaring me a little, with that serious look on your face," she joked, trying to crack a smile but failing as the boy breathed heavily out from his nose. 

"Mione told me," his words were short, whispered and for a moment Winnie blinked, her lips flowing into a frown. Hermione told him what? She stared down at the necklace in his hand, mind going blank, or maybe perhaps, the answer was rolling on the tip of her tongue, but tasted too bitter to speak. 

"What? I don't understand," she trailed off as Harry ran a hand through his hair once again. Before finally sitting up straighter, his shoulders square and eyes hard as he stared at her. She felt as if she was being schooled by a Professor, causing her to shift slightly in her chair, continuing to stare back at him. 

"I know what's going to happen over Christmas," he spoke more sternly, his voice a whisper as the female's mouth suddenly ran dry. Her face drooping as colour vanished from, hair standing on edge as fear slowly crawled back up into her heart and mind. Unable to hold his gaze, she turned her head to the window she stared at days before with Hermione. 

"She wasn't supposed to tell," Winnie mumbled slightly, hearing Harry shift in his seat. 

"She did the right thing, you should've told me, I could've helped sooner, I could've-"

"What would you have done Harry? You can't do anything, it's going to happen. I just have to find a way out," she snapped, looking back at him to see his stare just as hard at her. 

"You don't think I don't know what it's like? He wants me Winnie, I know what he is capable of. You could've told me, you know I would've done anything to help," he argued, his voice rising slightly causing the librarian to send the two a glare, which went unreceived between the two. 

Winnie stared coldly back at the boy, green eyes so much lighter than the ones that followed her mind for days. Green eyes now filled with frustration and anger she couldn't understand, why did it matter so much to him? They only started talking a month ago, it shouldn't matter, he had too many things to worry about, let alone her. 

"We aren't friends Harry, why does it matter anyway," she muttered, turning to look out the window. For a moment it was silent, just the blonde watching the sky slowly turn to black while yellow lights flowed around the castle. Until finally, the boy snorted, catching her attention as she snapped her gaze back to him. "What's so funny?" She questioned as he shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

"Hermione said you do that," he spoke nodding his head at her as she narrowed her eyes. "She said you don't have friends, you don't see people as friends. But just because you don't see us as friends, we see you as one. And I help my friends, especially when it comes to this," his voice lost its amused stance by the end, instead filling with an emotion she hadn't known. Sincerity, honesty. All things she lacked, it twisted inside of her, turning her stone feelings into something that banged against her stomach. That made her throat clog and her lips pull into a frown, guilt. She felt guilty. 

The male sighed, standing up and instead taking the chair next to her. His fingers still held the silver chain as Winnie eyed him silently. She watched as he placed it down on the table in front of her, leaning back in his chair and staying just as silent as she. The blonde stared at him, raising an eyebrow, only for him to do the same back towards her. She scowled, turning away and instead to the chain on the table. Slowly, she lifted her hand to touch the chain. Picking it up between her fingers as she stroked the pendent with her thumb. 

"What is this?" She questioned softly, looking up at Harry who's lips tilted up slightly, before he leaned forward. His elbows laying against the table as Winnie eyed him warily, her back straight against her chair. 

"It's a portkey of sorts," he paused, placing his hand in under the rim of his top, pulling out a silver chain with the same pendant hanging from it. "It connects to mine, meaning when activated it'll take you to where I am, no matter how far." He finished, putting the necklace back in under his top. The female blinked, staring at the boy before back down at the necklace in the palm of her hands. 

"I-I but... why?" She questioned, as she looked back up at him. A small smile moved across his face as she looked down at the table in front of him, before back up at her.

"We're friends Winnie, whether you want to admit that or not," he chuckled, standing up as he pushed his glasses up his nose, her head following him as she watched him stand and push in his chair. "Hermione made it, she thinks of you as a friend too. You're really not alone in this, we won't let you become one of them. You have a place to go," he reached over to squeeze her shoulder, before leaving and walking through the aisles. Her eyes following him until he was no longer in sight, brown eyes trailed down to the necklace she was now clutching in her hand. Staring at the metal as her fingers stroked the pendant, tears unknowingly kissing her cheeks as she clutched the necklace tightly in her fist. 

You're not really alone in this. 

Winnie Buldstrode didn't know what it was like to not be alone, and she felt her heart shatter at the thought that maybe she wasn't as alone as she thought. 

——————

THE SILVER PENDANT LAY AGAINST her chest, pooling warmth and comfort around her like a blanket. The moment she saw Hermione Granger at dinner, she had swung herself at her and hugged her. Insisting that she is the most brilliant witch, and she was forever thankful. Hermione insisted it was no problem, but really it caused the blonde to have hope. Hope dwindled inside of her heart and warmed the creaking bones and headache that sat upon her shoulders since her sister's words. 

She felt like she had an out, she only hoped she could remember it when the time came. 

"Well you look positively radiant," Theodore Nott's voice rang around her as she snapped her head up from the homework she was currently working on. A peanut butter sandwich sat half eaten beside her, with a steaming hot cocoa swirling in a blue mug beside it. The boy strolled into the kitchens, his Slytherin robes bellowing behind him as he reached her and snagged the last piece of her sandwich. Taking a huge chunk out of it before she could even protest, her mouth falling open as he grinned continuing to eat her sandwich. 

"Hey! I was eating that!" She argued, glaring at him as he simply shrugged his shoulders, taking a seat across from her. Swallowing the chunk inside of his mouth before sending her a wide smile. 

"Oh, sorry love. It was just begging me to eat it," he spoke innocently as the girl rolled her eyes, returning to her Transfiguration homework that was laid out in front of her. "What's gotten you into such a good mood? Tell me, was it your stunt this morning on deciding to be nice? You even had me shocked," he teased as she stole a glance up at him, shaking her head and dipping her quill back into her ink bottle. 

"My happiness has nothing to do with you Theodore," she drawled casually, missing the way the male flinched slightly at the use of the name. It became increasingly quiet, the sound of scraping the quill across the parchment was all that could be heard. Pausing, she looked up at the brunet to see him staring coldly down at the table. Her hand froze, eyes widening for a sliver of a moment. "A-Are—"

"Don't call me Theodore," he cut her off briskly as she blinked, green eyes meeting hers. His lips were pulled into a tight frown, eyebrows drawn together as wrinkled cross his forehead. But that wasn't the thing that made her own lips pull to a frown, it was his eyes, full of emotion she had never seen in them before. Black pupils blew wide and swimming with sadness, his mask dropped in front of her, leaving him bare in her hands. She shifted in her chair, itching to ask him why, but that was personal. A personal fact she didn't wish to know, — oh but she really did — personal facts comes with attachment, you become no longer a stranger. She felt fear prickle at her lungs and heart, so instead she looked away. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean," she paused, licking her lips as she stared at the words written across her parchment. "I'll call you Theo," she spoke, smiling as she looked up at him. Watching as his eyes swam in mossy creaks, before finally snapping close, his mask falling in place with a nod of his head. 

"Theo is better," he smiled, nodding his head once more before continuing to eat the sandwich that she long since forgotten about. Winnie watched silently, before catching his gaze once more and snapping her head down towards the essay. It was no use really, she wouldn't be able to concentrate much on it anymore, not with him here, not with green pooling in her eyes. 

Her bottom lip slipped between her lip, chewing slightly on the skin as she stared at the parchment. Listening to the quietness mould around them, she hated it, the silence, it was deafening and made her skin crawl with imaginary spiders. 

"Heard quidditch was interesting," she spoke finally, surprising the boy who had pulled out a book from his bag, his fingers pausing on the wide rectangular book, eyes watching her own before he finally snorted. 

"It was fine up until Malfoy opened his mouth," Theo grumbled slightly as Winnie snorted, holding up her parchment and blowing slightly to dry the ink. Before pulling out her wand and muttering a drying spell. 

"What about 'Weasley is Our King?'" She questioned, raising an eyebrow, her lips tilting upwards as she watched Theo dramatically roll his eyes and scowl. 

"Oh don't even get me started, that blasted song is all I've been hearing for weeks," the boy grumbled, still scowling as he placed the black book down in front of him. Winnie's face brightened as she raised an eyebrow, screwing the top on to her bottle of ink. 

"Now I just need to know what this song is," she grinned, placing her things inside her bag before picking up her mug. Bringing it to her lips as she eyed the boy in front of her, watching as he stared at her, almost as if he couldn't believe he had her full attention. If she was honest, it was almost hard for her to believe as well. 

"Well, everyone knows our favourite blond haired ferret," he started as the female grinned, taking a sip from her drink. Theo's elbows came to rest on the table in front of him, his eyes meeting his as he continued talking. "He wrote a song specifically meant to torment Weasley," he paused as her eyes widened, lips pulling into a grin at her expression. 

"You're telling me, Malfoy wrote a song," she spoke in disbelief as the boy nodded his head, her eyes staying wide as she scuffed slightly, shaking her head. 

"Oh but he did, even had us all sit and learn it for bloody weeks. He was very serious about this too, thought it was bloody brilliant, which I suppose it was." Theo's words stopped in his mouth as the girl across from him broke out into loud laughter, her head falling back as she covered her mouth with her hand. 

"I'm sorry," she paused, wiping at her eyes and shaking her head. Laughter still falling out of her lips, "I just imagined Malfoy waving his hands around and directing everyone with the words and rhythm of the song," she smiled widely as she turned her gaze to Theo. Watching as his green eyes burst with light, watching her, his own lips pulling into a wide smile. Causing the corners of his eyes to crinkle, white teeth sparkling, eyes bursting with light and warmth. Winnie couldn't help but smile just as wide back at him, inisiting purely for him at that moment. 

"Believe it or not, that's what he did," Theo insisted as Winnie's lips twitched as she laughed once more. This time the sound quieter, her hair falling around her out of its hold. The white light from the ceiling casting down around her like a halo, for a moment, Theo was memorized. Taking a mental picture to save in his memory, her laughing and smiling as if the world was chaos and horror. Theodore Nott thought her laughter was the best sound in the world, and suddenly all he wanted to do was make her laugh. 

"Nutter," Winnie snorted, shaking her head, knowing for a fact when she saw the platinum blond male again, she would be making fun of him for his dramatics. 

"You have no idea," Theo sighed, smiling as he shook his head lightly. Brunet locks kissing his forehead, his fingers returning to his book as he pulled it open. Winnie expected to see words after words, instead a gasp left her mouth as her eyes landed on the paper. Watching as paper after paper moved past in charcoal, sketches of flowers, faces, hands, even magical creatures zoomed past. 

"You sketch?" She questioned as she found herself moving to stand behind him. Her body moving against his back, ignoring the way he stiffened slightly. She placed her hand flat against the table, her other hand slowly touching the edge of the paper. Eyes absorbed in the detail and black sketches laying on white paper. "Theo these are," she paused, moving to flip another page, landing on a sketching of an owl moving through the air. "Breathtaking, you're really good," she finished looking over at him. Her cheeks flushing as she noticed how close their faces were, green eyes swirled in a pool of brown as their eyes met. His breath swirled down over her, her nose brushed against his slightly as they stared at each other. Colour swirled in on his cheeks, as he reached his hand up slightly. His finger curling into a loose strand of almost white hair, tucking it behind her ear. 

She flushed deeper, warmth hitting her face and neck. Her mind was screaming at her to pull away, they were too close, far too close really. They were barely even friends, and yet her eyes stayed glued onto his. His eyes swirled like the hue of a new spring, trapping her, enclosing her in warmth. Bright and soft all at once, flecks of gold twirled around his pupil. They were the kind of green that only comes as summer approaches. Strength built between them, Winnie couldn't help but think they were beautiful. 

She felt his breath ghost across her lips, she knew if she moved an inch, her lips would come entangled into his own. She wondered if he would be soft against hers, as intoxicating as a Firewhiskey. She wondered if she could become high off the simple feel of his lips. 

A crash emitted throughout the room, sending Winnie flying from the male as her wand slipped into her hand. Eyes wide and cheeks as bright as cherries, she heard a squeak from the far corner. 

"Tipsy apologizes Miss and Mister, Tipsy didn't mean to drop the glass, very sorry," a small elf stared at them with watery eyes, leaning down so close to the floor Winnie expected her nose to hit the concrete. 

"I-It's okay," her voice wavered slightly, only causing her face to grow warmer. She avoided Theo's gaze as she moved to grasp her bag, throwing it over her shoulder. For a moment, her feet carried her to the door, getting ready to run as she remembered every moment that had passed just then. The feeling of his breath against hers, his eyes wide and bursting. She wondered if she would've let him kiss her, the answer that rang in her mind caused her stomach to twist nervously. 

But then the colour of his eyes burst in her mind and she froze, her hand on the handle. If she left now, she knew her progress would be ruined. She knew it would fuck with his mind, and she couldn't blame him for it. Sucking in a sharp breath, she slowly turned around, awkwardly shuffling on her feet before finally looking at him, only to find him already looking at her. His eyes widening slightly as his mouth fell open, he expected her to run. 

She hated that. 

"You aren't running away," he mumbled silently, her lips pulling to a frown and she twisted her silver ring on her finger. She could feel the pendant burn against her chest, her throat clogged up as she stared into his wide eyes. 

"No, I'm not," her voice was a whisper, but it moved around the kitchens all the same. Her eyes silently pleading with him to take it, to understand she wasn't leaving and she was trying, she hated the way he looked at her like he had been wounded. He expected the worst of her, and she couldn't even blame him. 

"Why?" He questioned softly, and Winnie felt her shoulders slump. A laugh leaving her lips as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, the same one he had tucked behind her ear earlier. 

"I don't know," she answered truthfully, because she didn't. She really didn't know, she should run, every judgmental call inside of her yelled to run. Staying wasn't something she ever did, staying wasn't how she survived, and yet she stayed. Her eyes falling to the floor, ring twisting on her finger. She heard shuffling of feet, not daring to look up until finally she felt something nudge her shoulder. Slowly, she looked up at Theo, finding his lips pulled into a smile as he stared down at her. Despite herself, she smiled back. 

The two walked out of the kitchens together, quiet as their feet hit the floor until finally they reached the staircase that led her to the Gryffindor common room. She turned, eyeing him as he stood, still smiling and looking at her. 

"Goodnight Theo," she spoke softly, smiling as she stepped backwards up onto the staircase, he watched her for a moment before running a hand through his hair. 

"Goodnight love," he winked, smirking before turning on his hill and walking towards the dungeons. She froze, watching him go, her lips pulled into a tiniest of a smile. Before she turned and continued her way towards the Gryffindor tower, Merlin help her. Suddenly green was her favourite colour, specifically in Theodore Nott's eye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some things are changed from canon if you haven’t noticed by now! ( a.k.a cedric. ) this will continue throughout the story, i hope you don’t mind all too much.


	13. XI. some boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hogsmeade rolls around with surprises you it’s sleeve.

WINNIE HAS ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA HOW THIS HAPPENED, one minute she was eating porridge in the Great Hall, listening to Parvati ramble about classes. And the next, she's sitting in the Three Broomsticks with Theodore bloody Nott. He's staring at her with a self satisfacted smirk and Winnie Buldstrode has a feeling she's been bewitched. 

"Tell me why I agreed to this again?" She questioned raising an eyebrow as she leaned back in her chair, ignoring the tilt of her lips as she watched the boy roll his eyes. 

"Because friends spend time with each other, and I'm obviously your best friend," he winked, taking a sip of his Butterbeer as the female rolled her eyes. 

"We aren't friends," she spoke, clicking her tongue upon the roof of her mouth as Theo paused, looking over at her. 

"No?" He questioned slowly, smirking as he laid his mug down and leaned in across the table. "Then what are we?" He added, placing his hand in under his chin as she eyed him. Before reaching over and pushing his face away with the palm of her hand. 

"We're acquaintances," she shrugged simply, turning to look out the window as people walked by in groups. It was the last Hogsmeade trip of the semester, snow trickled down from the sky softly, creating a white blanket across the pathways and roofs of buildings. School work had trickled by in a haze, the halls filling with murmurs of excitement of the holiday break. 

Winnie couldn't help but feel nothing but dread. 

"Right, you have that thing with friends," Theo smirked, catching her attention again as she looked over at him. Her eyebrow raised as she watched him chug back the remains of his Butterbeer. She had hot cocoa in her own mug, a fact that Theo had teased her over after she placed their orders. She swatted him on the back of his head, while he simply winked and found them a spot. 

She hummed in response, turning to look out the window once more. Remembering her meeting with Cordelia, the two had agreed to meet the day prior to go present shopping, Winnie hoped she could manage to seem the least bit excited. 

"I'm gonna tell you something," Theo began again, in a constant fight to gain her attention. Her eyes trickled to him, seeing his face void of a smile, fear crept up chest and mind. Choking her as she managed a nod for him to continue, his lips titled into a smile at that. The fear slowly left her all because of a simple smile, she didn't particularly like that fact. "I'm going to become your best friend," he finished with a wide smile as she sat narrowing her eyes at the brunet. 

"Rubbish," she drawled, rolling her eyes as he shot out a loud laugh, catching the attention of those around him. Her attention instantly sling shooting to him with the rest, watching as his eyes twinkled with amusement, his lips curving upwards. Leaning forward across the table, closer to her as she eyed him closely. 

"I'm gonna make you love me, Winnie Buldstrode," he whispered, clicking his tongue on the roof of his mouth as his lips quirked up to a smirk. Before he fell back against his seat, his arms crossing against his chest as she stared at him. His eyes staying trained on hers with a self righteous smirk, for a brief moment she wanted to reach forward and slap it off his annoying face, her fingers twitched against their hold on her arm. She really did want to slap him, throw a scowl on the tip of her lips, and she told him off for such a comment. And yet she didn't, she stayed sitting and staring at him as if he smirked effortlessly. As if he knew he was right, as if he knew he would accomplish exactly that. 

She turned her attention away from him as the sound of a bell rang through the building. Theo had picked a table close to the back of Three Broomsticks, a window facing the street, he had commented on how he knew she liked to look out windows. She didn't bother to ask how he knew that. The table gave a clear view of the opening door, she sat watching as a group of Slytherin's strolled in. She took amusement in seeing Draco Malfoy's lip curl in disgust at the noise and crowded room. Behind him Blaise Zabini strolled in, flanked by Draco's brainless minions. She watched as they flicked snow off their tailored coats, shoes polished and shoulders squared with ignorance. They probably thought they were better than anyone, and Winnie couldn't help but sneer. 

Draco's eyes landed on hers, and for a split second she had to hold back a laugh knowing how everyone thought they could be siblings. It was a close assumption, platinum blonde hair, pale skin that stuck out like moonlight in the night, sneers and scowls thrown to people. Though Winnie was a little less stuck up, ( she'd like to say that she was ) if it wasn't for the fact his eyes shined grey instead of hazel brown, she might agree. 

The male scowled as he noticed her looking at him, grey eyes as cold as ice. They both hated each other for obvious reasons, one) he never forgave her for punching him, she couldn't care less if he did. Two) her obvious love for everything Muggle seemed to choke him blue. Three) she hated everything he stood for, and he hated everything she supported. His eyes moved to the boy sitting across from her, for a flicker of a moment she watched as his eyes fell. Cocking an eyebrow she turned her attention to Theo, who was staring harshly at Draco, his jaw locked and tightened before he finally looked away. Sniffing as if Draco was below him, she couldn't help but think he was. 

She watched as he quickly masked any spirit, eyes void of emotion as he stared out the window. She took that time to study him, study the way his jaw stayed locked, his fingers clenching his empty glass, the white of his bones sticking out. The silence moved around them as the bell rang around them once more, her eyes moving back to Draco who quickly turned and shoved his way out of the Three Broomsticks and into the falling snow. Just as quickly as he entered, he was gone, and so was Theo's harsh mood. 

She blinked as he looked back at her, his green eyes full with guarded emotion as he flicked a smile at her. It didn't send waves of reassurance, nor did it tilt the lips of her own smile. Instead her lips opened and words tumbled out of them before she could even think. 

"Why aren't you like them?" She questioned, watching as his smile sailed downwards and his eyes widened for a flicker of a smile. Eyes swirling and flickering with things she couldn't understand, until finally they shut. Emotions hidden behind an ice mask he slipped over his face, the same one she fastened upon hers just as quickly. 

Snakes. 

"I don't know what you mean," he shrugged, keeping his gaze upon hers as she scuffed, rolling her eyes. 

"I think you do," she drawled slowly, clicking her nails against the surface of her mug. She watched as he breathed heavily through his nostrils, eyes narrowing, and for a moment she waited for him to tell her it was none of her business. She suppose she wouldn't have argued either if he did, and yet, maybe she would have. He sat with her, completely unfazed by her family, her life, her choices and everything she was. 

"I'll answer if you answer my question," Theo offered, the corner of his lip tilting up slightly as she narrowed her eyes. "Why don't you call people your friends? It's clear you could have enough, but you never call them it." He questioned, titling his head as she stared at him, her eyes narrowed and lips pressed to a line. She huffed after a moment, turning away from his sharpened gaze as she twisted the ring of her finger. 

"It's easier to become disappointed. Friends mean trust, trust means knowing things, personal things," she answered harshly, keeping her eyes trained on the outside world, feeling Theo's gaze burn on the side of her face. 

"Not everyone will disappoint you," Theo replied quickly, his voice sincere and low as the girl snorted. 

"I didn't say that people disappoint me," she argued just as quickly, turning back to look at him as he blinked. Watching her carefully in a way that made her cheeks grow warm with heat, she picked up her mug, swallowing the now cold liquid. She pulled out her wand, casting a heating spell on the liquid. 

"Not everyone will be disappointed in you," his voice was quieter as he spoke again, she didn't dare look up to his face. Not wishing to see the way his green eyes pooled, the way they watched her as if he understood. 

"You don't know that," she mumbled in under his breath, she didn't bother waiting to see if he heard her or not. For she sucked in a deep breath, and looked up at him. Ignoring the bang in his chest at the frown across his lips and the downturn of his eyes, "your turn."

She watched as he blinked, almost as if he forgot their deal, she simply raised an eyebrow in reply. Wishing to simply run away and ignore the look that washed in his eyes. 

"It seems a little stupid doesn't it?" Theo asked suddenly, catching her off guard as she blinked. Opening her mouth to question what exactly he was talking about, only for him to continue. "All the hatred for muggles and muggleborns. My mum use to breed Crup puppies when I was younger. She would have a litter at a time, keep them to a certain part of the Manor so Father didn't have a cow," the male paused slightly as his eyebrows drew down together on his forehead, pain emitting across his face for a moment almost as if the memory pained him. "This one time she had this litter, I remember helping her with them because I was older, and well curious. There was this pup, with a squat face and shorter legs. Mum insisted on throwing it away, I had asked her why, it seemed fine to me. Do you know what she said?" He questioned, turning his gaze towards Winnie for a moment. His expression caused her breath to alter in her throat, eyes glistening and lips drawn into a pitiful smile. 

"What?" She questioned, her own eyebrows draining down on her forehead as she tried to figure out why this story had anything to do with her question. The belle rang around them slightly, freezing air twirling in around them from the open door. Her attention stayed glued to the brunet boy, however, never leaving his face. 

"She said it was dumber than the rest because of how it looked, it wasn't pure or perfect. So she got rid of it, or at least she thought," he snorted, looking away towards his lap. "I took it and hid it in my room, I raised it. I realized that it was smarter than the rest, it could hunt better, sniff things out better. It was nothing at all like my Mum said. Whenever I think or look at a muggle born, I think of that pup. I don't see a difference, between pure and not, it doesn't matter," he finished with his voice low as he trained his eyes towards his pants still. Winnie's back sat straight against her chair, eyes trailing his face as his jaw tightened once more. Eyelashes curled against his cheeks and brunet locks shaking down against his skin. 

"You're a good person Theo," she spoke softly, her eyes continuing to stare at him as he lifted his gaze to hers. Lips pulled into a line, whatever harsh feelings she may have seemed so foolish now. Over a boy she barely even knew, it just seemed incredibly foolish. 

"I want to be like my mum, she may have been prejudiced but she was the best person I ever knew. She always tried to do the right thing," he whispered slightly, eyes glazing as she twisted her ring. She glanced down at his hand on the table, fingers twisted together into a fist. Before she knew it, her hand was lifting forward and being placed against his. She felt his fist tense tighter in under her palm, and she almost reached up and took her hand away again. But before she got the chance, he twisted his hand and took hers in his own. Causing her own body to stiffen as she stared at their connected hands, his own eyes staring down at them in surprise. 

"I'm sure she's proud of you," Winnie spoke after a moment, her shoulders slowly losing its tension. Acutely aware of the way his thumb trailed against her the permanent words on the back of her hand. His eyebrows furrowed against his forehead, looking up at her and he stilled his thumb against her skin. 

"I hope so," he spoke quietly, the two staring at each other across the table. His tone wavered slightly, eyes flickering darker green in a way that almost made her question his choice of words. She thought better of it, however, her skin crawling with spiders and feeling as if it was glowing with sunshine and warmth all at the same time. 

She didn't know who Theodore Nott was exactly, and she couldn't help but feel he wasn't as bad as she thought. 

—————

THE SNAKE AND THE LION HAD left the Three Broomsticks twenty minutes after that, Theo bringing up Cordelia's sudden interest in Umbridge's secret club. The two had laughed after that, simply teasing the constant person in their life. It was also the same person Winnie was walking to meet at Florence and Botts during that moment, Theo strolling next to her, whistling. Whatever mood they grew to have before, vanished as snow trickled down upon them. 

Winnie had argued that he didn't need to follow her, which he replied with, what kind of a gentleman would I be if I didn't make sure you got there safe? She simply rolled her eyes at that, wrapping her red and gold scarf around her neck and stepped outside. 

Her fingers were shoved in the pockets of her black peacock coat, a green fluffy hat that Hermione had knitted her sat against the top of her head. "That hat looks ridiculous," Theo spoke after a moment, causing her attention to drift towards him. Spotting the white snowflakes that kissed against the top of his hair, sticking to the long strands of his eyelash. She couldn't help but think he looked like a winter Fairy King from one of the many muggle novels she read since her time at Hogwarts. If it wasn't for the fact that he made fun of her hat, she would've smiled. 

Instead she punched his arm lightly, rolling her eyes. "I happen to think the hat is lovely, thank you very much," she spoke sharply, ignoring Theo's eye roll as he grinned slightly. 

"I think we have different definitions of what lovely means, love," he teased as he hugged her arm. The girl huffing as she crossed her arms, sending him a side glare. He shifted closer to her when he nudged her, now his arm brushed against hers as they walked. She didn't bother to move away either, instead, enjoying the warmth his body radiated against the harsh winter winds. 

Her eyes spotted Cordelia waiting for her outside the building, the brunette looking up and smiling before she spotted Theo beside her. Cordelia's smile fell as she raised her eyebrow, looking between them as they reached her. 

"Did I wake up in an alternate reality or are you guys actually spending time together?" Cordelia questioned, blinking as she looked between them. Winnie rolled her eyes as she pulled her hands out of her pockets, rubbing them together to keep them warm from the cold. 

"This isn't a date," Winnie spoke sternly, narrowing her eyes at Theo who smirked at her, winking before looking at Cordelia who continued to watch them with both an amused and confused expression. 

"She thinks this isn't a date," Theo spoke matter of factly as he grinned widely, eyes crinkling slightly at the corners as Winnie gaped over at him. This was absolutely anything but a date, she wasn't even sure how this — whatever this was — had happened! 

"Theo!" Winnie spoke, sending him a glare as he chuckled slightly, throwing his hands up in the air, slowly starting to walk backwards. 

"See you for our second date love," he winked as her cheeks flushed. Eyes narrowing after him, while he turned his gaze to Cordelia. "See you later Cor," and with that he turned around, whistling loudly as he strolled through the streets. Leaving a very cross Winnie and a very gobsmacked Cordelia behind. 

"Uhm, what was that?" Cordelia questioned as Winnie huffed loudly, connecting their elbows together as they started to walk through another street in Hogsmeade. 

"Don't even start with me," Winnie sighed, tilting her head to rest on Cordelia's shoulder as her lips pulled into a line. "We weren't on a date, he's such a brat," the girl mumbled miserably. Now anyone who even passed by them would think Theo and her were on a date, she just knew by the time she returned everyone would be whispering about their secret love. 

"I wasn't even going to say anything," Cordelia argued, patting Winnie's head that still rested against her shoulder. The weight of the world rested upon each of their shoulders, all for different reasons that they never dared to speak about. The truth buzzing around them but never spoken, instead, they existed with normal teenage problems. Ignoring everything else, even if it was just preventing the inevitable. They wanted normal, and for one evening, Winnie secretly swore to do just that. 

"No but you're thinking it," Winnie grumbled as she felt Cordelia laugh slightly. Her own head falling on top of Winnie's as they continued to walk, snow falling around them softly. 

"I'm glad you took my advice for the record," Cordelia hummed softly, Winnie's eyebrow furrowed in reply as she waited for her to continue. "I was afraid you were gonna be stubborn and not listen to me," Winnie rolled her eyes as she lifted her head off Cordelia's shoulder, being careful not to move too fast and hit the brunette's head in the process. 

"Well, you're wrong a good half of the time," the blonde teased as Cordelia's mouth fell open. 

"Rude!" Cordelia argued, reaching forward to pull down Winnie's hat over her face. The blonde stopped short as her vision was blinded by green knitted fabric. 

"Hey! Not my fault you can't accept the truth," the blonde laughed, sticking out her tongue as she fixed her hat, Cordelia rolling her eyes. The two entered a shop after that, the way air moved around them, causing Winnie to tug off her hat. Her hand moving to smooth down the frizzness of her hair as she looked around the shop. 

It wasn't until the pair were looking through a stack of shampoos that Winnie finally spoke again, her lips pulled into a smile as she lifted up a blue bottle. "So, how's Harry?" She questioned mindlessly, hiding a laugh as Cordelia dropped a bottle in surprise. Snapping her gaze to her while Winnie continued to look through the bottles aimlessly. 

"Why are you asking me?" Cordelia questioned quickly, Winnie glanced up at her, grinning as she saw the crimson crawling onto her cousin's cheeks. The blonde raised an eyebrow, moving to walk past her towards the jewellery section. 

"Didn't you see dear Potter last night?" Winnie questioned, picking up a silver chain bracelet, eyeing the charms beside it. 

"I... What?" Cordelia questioned stunned, the blonde quirking an eyebrow up as she glanced over her shoulder. 

"Well Harry came back late last night, I was up reading by the fire because I couldn't sleep, and well," she paused, ignoring the slight frown of her lips at the memory of why she was up so late. A nightmare had eaten away at her mind once more that night, resulting in her staying up late after falling asleep too early. "He said he saw you," she finished shrugging as she picked up a small charm in the shape of a small star. She held both of the items in her hands, turning towards another section as Cordelia followed. 

"He's fine," Cordelia mumbled, looking through her own things as Winnie smirked, looking up at her. 

"I'm sure he is," she hummed in agreement, noticing the redness on Cordelia's cheeks as the girl sent her a glare.

"Oh shut it," she grumbled, the female snorting before and nodding her head. 

"Fine, fine, I'll shut it," she laughed lightly, bumping her shoulder against Cordelia's. "But you guys would look cute together," Winnie added quickly before moving towards the front of the store, paying for the bracelet and charm. A smile branded across her face as she waited for Cordelia outside the shop, her hat sitting against her head once more. 

"You never stop do you?" Cordelia grumbled, scowling as Winnie grinned, linking their arms back together as they took off towards another store. 

"I don't know what you're talking about," the girl hummed, smiling as she looked over at Cordelia, who's lips titled into a smile and grin slightly. 

"You and Theo would look cute together too, you know," Cordelia smirked, as Winnie's face fell. Suddenly, not finding the whole couple thing as funny or endearing. 

"Shut it, boys are all gits," Winnie mumbled, her lips pulling into a scowl. Cordelia laughed loudly from beside her, causing the blonde to roll her eyes. 

"Yes, but they're so handsome," the brunette sighed, as Winnie turned to look at her. Blue and Brown eyes met for a moment before they both broke out into small laughter between each other. Despite herself, she couldn't help but think of a brunet git with sparkling green eyes, with an everlasting smirk. 

Boys were all gits, but perhaps, some of them were handsome. By some of them, Theodore Nott was one of the few.


	14. XII. glowing strings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last day of classes brings Winnie one step closer to home, and apparently, one step closer to a certain Slytherin.

WHITE LIGHT GLOWED FROM THE tip of her wand, illuminating the corners of her four poster. Red curtains were drawn tight, encasing her the light in from the sleeping girls in the Gryffindor dormitories. Her legs crossed in front of her, blue silk of her sleeping shorts bunched up around her inner thighs as she fiddled with the loose string of a black sweater she wore to sleep. Blonde hair sat in two braids against her back as she stared at two compacts on her bed. One sparkling a deep violet purple, the other a light sky blue. 

Her bottom lip slipped in between her teeth, blonde fluffy eyebrows drawn together before she reached forward and opened them both. Exposing a small round mirror, the pale of her face reflecting back at her. She had bought both compacts earlier when she was out with Cordelia, as a Christmas gift of sorts. Pressing her hand to the pendent that rested against her chest, images of her break floated around her head. Shivering, she banished all thoughts of a man with a pale skin and red scorching eyes. Winnie didn't need to deal with that, she couldn't allow herself.

The blonde let her hand drop from the pendant, instead, she picked up the sky blue compact. She knew her and Cordelia couldn't talk as freely when home, unless of course they used owls, but Winnie had a habit of not trusting anything owned by her family. So here laid her solution, in the form of compacts. 

She had questioned Hermione as the two got ready for bed about the coins she used for DA, the brunette had then gone off on a long rant about the properties of the spell and how it could be used. Winnie had sat the whole time smoothing down the orange fur of Crookshanks, by the end, Winnie knew exactly how to bewitch the mirrors in order for them to have a conversation. 

Now, the female twirled her wand in her hands, watching as her face illuminated in the darkness by the white light. "Nox," she mumbled in under her breath, knowing she couldn't continue using her light at the same time. Darkness engulfed her, trapping her in as she repeated the spell Hermione had told her about. Switching the compact, she repeated the spell, chewing on the bottom of her lip. 

"Lumos," she whispered again, her eyes spotting the two mirrors on the bed in front of her. Now, to test it out. Which, Winnie hadn't exactly thought through, her shoulders slump as she frowned. Nobody was awake, and she wasn't one to exactly go wake someone up. She pulled open the red curtains around her bed, peeking out into the moonlight lit room, only to find Hermione sitting up in her bed across from her. Her hand working furiously across a piece of parchment, hair frizzing around her like a lion's mane. 

"What are you doing?" She whispered, watching as the female jumped in surprise. If it wasn't for the fact that it was surely almost midnight and other girls were sleeping, Winnie might've laughed at the girl's shock. Instead she simply pressed her lips into a small smile, and raised an eyebrow. 

"I'm working on an essay for Defence, considering Umbridge wants us to do nothing but read and write, honestly!" The girl huffed in annoyance, rolling her brown eyes. "I don't ever speak poorly of teachers, but Merlin, she's just awful." Winnie snorted slightly at this, silently agreeing with the brunette's words. 

"What are you doing up?" Hermione questioned then, turning her gaze to the blonde who's eyes widened. Winnie quickly moved to pick up the compacts from her bed, her feet falling to the wooden floor as she slowly patted her way over to Hermione's bed. 

The brunette eyed her curiously, moving her parchment out of the way as Winnie gingerly took a seat at the end of her bed. Crookshanks stretching and meowing something that Winnie guessed was 'I was sleeping you cow,' before flicking his bottlebrush tail and jumping down from the bed. 

"Can you help me with something?" Winnie questioned as she held both compacts in one hand, her wand curled in her other hands.

"Yes, of course," Hermione nodded, tilting her head as Winnie nodded and held out the sky blue compact. The girl raised an eyebrow but took it anyway, opening it. "This is just a compact Winnie," Hermione spoke matter of factly as the blonde snorted.

"Yes, very bright of you," the girl drawled as she watched Hermione's dark eyes narrow slightly. "Now, tap the compact with your wand and say 'patentibus'," Winnie instructed as she clipped open the violent compact. She held up her wand, watching as Hermione eyed her for a minute before nodding and holding up her own wand. 

"Patentibus," the both whispered quietly, their wands clicking against the surface of the compacts. Winnie watched as the mirror glimmered for a moment, before Hermione's face appeared in it. The blonde's lips titled up into a wide smile, watching as the brunette's eyebrows were drawn down together before she snapped her head up to Winnie. 

"Is this some sort of magic compact?" Hermione questioned, dazed, her eyes going back to the compact as Winnie snorted, shaking her head. 

"No, I charmed it so it opens like a two way mirror, allowing you to speak to whoever is on the other end," she explained, clicking her compact close as Hermione watched the mirror glimmer once more, but exposing her face back at her. 

"Is this why you asked me about the coins?" Hermione questioned as she clicked the compact close, handing it back to Winnie who took it with a nod of her head. 

"Well, yes," she paused, shifting slightly on the bed, tucking her foot up under her. "I thought well, with everything that might happen during Christmas... I just, I wanted a way for me and Cordelia to speak freely," she shrugged, toying with the loose thread once more.

"Does she know?" Hermione questioned after a few minutes, her voice low as Winnie quickly shook her head. 

"No and I'm not telling her either. It might not even happen, there's no need for her to worry," Winnie spoke sharply as Hermione frowned, her lips pursing. 

"I think she should know, I would want to know," Hermione spoke softly, Winnie lips pressed into a line before she stood up, her feet planted firmly on the floor. 

"No, she'll only worry and she's not going to know unless it happens. Everything will be alright," she spoke quickly, moving back to her own bed. She placed the compacts in her chest, closing it with a click before crawling into the sheets of her bed. Her fingers clasped around her bed sheets, pulling it up around her face as silence moved around them. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry," Hermione mumbled after a minute, the light from their wands dying out and leaving them in darkness. Winnie's eyes stayed trained on the roof above her, her lips pressed into a line as she huffed through her nose. 

"You don't need to apologize, I get it," she whispered sourly, she knew Hermione was right. Cordelia very well deserved to know, but looking at her and telling her that the man they all feared could be at her house during Christmas, oh and that she knew Max was killed by her uncle, ( Cordelia's father ) was something she couldn't find it in herself to do. "It's just better this way, everything will be fine." 

Whether or not Hermione believed her words, she didn't say, she simply whispered a goodnight before turning over in her bed. Winnie tried to do the same, squeezing her eyes shut and rolled over onto her side. But sleep didn't greet her, her mind rolled with the upcoming break. Images of a cousin she barely knew, dead and murdered by his own blood flashing in her mind.

Sleep didn't greet her, she laid awake with images floating her mind and her heart racing. 

Everything will be alright. Everything will be alright. 

—————

SHE WONDERED HOW SHE DID IT REALLY, flying in under the radar and minding her business for so many years, that is. She completely ignored everything going on around her for years, kept her nose in books or her schoolwork. Momentarily pausing long enough to have a quick conversation with those around her before she moved on, untouched and unfazed. 

Everything had changed for her in her fifth year, now she was everywhere, involved in everything. Really, it was quite exhausting if she were to be frank. But it wasn't a choice, not really when it came down to it, her fate was written for her as soon as the hat called out Gryffindor and her robes turned red and gold. Her life was written out, and maybe if she believed in such things like Divination, she would ask for her tea leaves to be read. 

But she didn't believe your future could be figured out all because of the leaves left behind from your morning tea, and she most certainly didn't believe in sticking your nose into things where it doesn't belong.

And yet, here she was, approaching a very red headed wizard who was hiding behind an alcove, staring at a group of green robed Slytherins standing in the court yard. Her eyes looked around for the other parts of his normal group, only to find them nowhere around. 

"Who are we looking at?" She whispered, standing beside him and eyeing the group of snakes. She felt the male jump from beside her, and she grinned softly, turning her gaze to blue eyed Ronald Weasley. 

"What? Nobody!" The boy spoke defensively, his face flushing as red as his hair, freckles dotting his skin like constellations. Winnie rolled her eyes, fighting off a yawn and watering of her eyes — she hadn't slept a single wink after her compact spell, bloody hell. "What do you want?" He questioned sharply as the female huffed, crossing her arms across her chest. 

"Oh lose the defence tone Ronald, honestly, you would think I killed your bloody owl or something," she grumbled rolling her eyes, watching as he narrowed his eyes, but finally losing the scowl that ran across his lips. "I'm supposed to be going over to Cordelia to give her a Christmas present," Winnie explained, eyeing her cousin who stood talking to Theo and Claire. The sun trickled down on top of them, making the snow that kissed across the courtyard to shine like white light around everyone's feet. 

"Forget you were cousins with her, that sucks," Ron snorted, leaning back against the wall as Winnie snapped her head towards him. 

"And what is that supposed to mean, Weasley?" She questioned sharply, narrowing her brown eyes into slits at the redhead who sat up straighter at her sudden strict turn. 

"I just mean that she's a Slytherin, and well, she didn't exactly defend my Mum when the ferret opened his big mouth," Ron spoke quickly as Winnie continued to narrow her eyes at him, her lips titling into a line before she looked back over at Cordelia, watching the brunette throw her head back in a laugh. She sighed, defeated, looking back over at Ron.

"It's complicated, she's really not bad," the girl mumbled tiredly, wishing everyone would stop questioning her cousin just because she was a Slytherin. "I mean really, she's in the DA for Melin's sake," the girl added, her words a whisper in case anyone heard them. She knew they called it the DA for purposes of speaking about it outside, but she still didn't exactly trust speaking about it loudly. 

"She's also a part of Umbridge's club," Ron commented bitterly, his head leaning back against the stone as Winnie sighed, running a hand through her hair that fell in soft ringlets from being braided all night. 

"It's not as simple as it looks, it would be good for you to remember that not everything is just as it looks," her words left her lips in a stern manner, eyes narrowed, before her feet started to carry her towards the group. Having just enough of defending and wasting her breath, she really would rather deal with Umbridge then defend the same bloody thing over and over again. 

"I was looking at Parkinson," the blonde paused her movement at the sound of the redhead's voice, her eyes furst snapping to Pansy who was standing with Daphne against the bark of the tree. Before she took a step backwards and raised an eyebrow at Ron, who had gone red faced again. 

"And why exactly were you looking at Pansy?" Winnie questioned, tilting her head to the side to watch him as he huffed rather loudly. 

"Shape bloody partnered us up in Potions if you remember," Ron grumbled under his breath as Winnie nodded her head, yes of course she remembered that. Snape seemed to think it was rather hilarious to partner everyone up with people they hated that day. "I have her notes by accident, and I was going to go give it to her, but well," he paused, blue eyes staring off into the distance. 

"Are you scared or something? She's not going to bite you," Winnie joked, her lips twisting into a grin as Ron narrowed his eyes at her. 

"I'm not scared!" He spoke rather quickly, causing the blonde to laugh softly, her hand coming to pat his arm softly. "I'd just rather avoid her at every cost," he mumbled after a moment as Winnie snorted. 

"That I can agree on," she hummed, grinning as she watched Ron's lips tilt up into a small grin. "But really, she's not going to hex you. She's with Daphne, and Daphne is well ... nicer than most, you'll be fine. Besides, where's the Gryffindor bravery huh? You're breaking my heart standing here like a Hufflepuff," she joked, placing her hand on her chest where her heart was as she jutted out her bottom lip. Ron snorted slightly, rolling his eyes before standing straighter. 

"Better get this over with, I'm bloody hungry," Winnie laughed lightly, nodding her head and stepping aside to let him walk. 

"There we go, go face the big bad beast," she teased, grinning as Ron narrowed his eyes at her briefly before walking towards Pansy. Winnie sighed, watching him for a moment before taking off towards her original plan. Give Cordelia her compacts and then go find a steaming hot cup of cocoa, she was bloody tired and chocolate would fix that. 

"There she is!" Theo spoke loudly, noticing her walking towards him as Winnie rolled her eyes. "My lovely future wife, isn't she just stunning?" He questioned, and Godric help her, she felt her face flush slightly at his words. Once she reached them, he threw his arm over shoulder, causing her to shrug him off with narrowed eyes, only for him to wink at her. 

"Anyway," Winnie clipped, looking back at the two females who stood next to them. "Claire, your hair looks lovely," Winnie greeted, smiling slightly before she turned to Cordelia. "Mind if I speak to you for a moment?" She questioned, her hands stuffed in her pockets as she toyed with the compacts. Cordelia raised an eyebrow, but agreed as she nodded her head. The two cousins stepped away from Theo and Claire, walking until they reached the same alcove Winnie and Ron had stood at moments before. 

"What's this about?" Cordelia questioned as her eyebrow furrowed, concern washing through her face like a painting. For a moment, Winnie almost told her that she knew, that she knew Max died in the most awful way. That this Christmas Break could very well go the worst way for her, that she was positive her parents have reached a new level of madness. That she was bloody well positive that would be seeing Voldemort by this time next week.

Everything will be alright. 

"I know it's early, and well, we usually do this at the party at the Manor, but well," Winnie paused as she took out the compacts. The two laying in the palms of her hands, slipping the blue one in between her fingers and holding it out for Cordelia to take. "Merry Christmas." She finished, managing to tilt her lips up into what she hoped looked like a smile. 

"A compact?" Cordelia questioned, raising an eyebrow as she took the object gingerly from between Winnie's fingers. The blonde rolled her eyes, taking out her wand from beneath the pockets of her robes, flipping open the violet compact. 

"Well, what are you doing? Repeat what I'm doing," Winnie instructed, narrowing her eyes as Cordelia narrowed her own. Before doing as told, flipping open her compact and taking out her wand. "Okay tap your wand against the compact and say patentibus," Winnie finished, doing the same to her compact. 

She watched as the mirror glimmered once more, before Cordelia showed up in the compact. Her face appearing with drawn eyebrows and a straight lipped line, until her blue eyes widened and she looked up at Winnie. 

"I know it isn't much, but, well I thought this would be an easier way for us to talk," Winnie shrugged as Cordelia smiled softly, the cousins clicking their compacts closed. 

"This is brilliant Winnie," Cordelia gushed, smiling as she placed her blue compact in her pocket. "That's so much easier than owls, and well quicker," she added with a small laugh as Winnie snorted. "Is there a reason why you're giving it to me now?" Cordelia questioned after a moment, her smile fading as she tilted her head slightly. 

Winnie felt her body freeze, her eyes staring embers into Cordelia's questioning blue ones. Well yes, actually. I have no bloody idea where I'll be when I start Christmas break, I might arrive home to find the literal spawn of that muggle god Lucifer in my home. Then, all hell would break loose, and I'll end up Godric only knows where. Which by the way, do you happen to know where Harry stays for Christmas? Because I have bloody no idea, and I only hope it isn't with his Muggle family. Did you hear they give him dirty socks for Christmas? Just awful isn't it? Though maybe it'd be funny for me to pop out of nowhere, I could yell surprise in whatever state I manage to be in.

"No, not at all," Winnie spoke, placing a smile on her face as Cordelia raised an eyebrow, and Winnie was more than positive that she knew she was lying. But she questioned her further, and Winnie started to wonder when they would stop lying to each other, and when did they even start. 

—————

HER BONES FELT LIKE SHE WAS moving through water, dragging behind her as she stifled a yawn through her hand. She had spent an hour in the Room of Requirement, being thrown against a wall as everyone practiced new spells. Though she managed to get her own share of sending people flying across the room, her bones felt as if she did nothing but fall fifty feet. 

She blamed it on the lack of sleep she was receiving, Lavender had commented that she looked like the walking dead, her eye bags sticking out like violet circles. Winnie responded with the best glare she could muster at the female, which responded in Lavender quickly avoiding her gaze for the rest of the meeting. 

Winnie knew she shouldn't be walking through the halls at this time, and yet anytime she thought of returning to the place where her roommates would look at her and wish her goodnight, believing that she too would fall asleep soundlessly, it made her skin crawl. She felt like her lungs constricted in on each other, swallowing her air and pushing in until nothing was left but her heart beating all too fast to make up for the lack of oxygen. 

Which is how she found herself dressed in black slacks, a silk blouse tucked in beneath the high waisted fabric, blonde hair rushing down in a tousled mess around her shoulders. Her eyes stinging with lack of sleep as she slowly moved through the halls of Hogwarts, avoiding the sixth year prefects who made their way through the halls for rounds. Her feet tracing its way to where she was not even an hour ago, this time she only hoped it didn't look anything like a dueling studio. 

She really just wanted some time alone, long enough for her to collect her thoughts and sneak back up to the dormitories before she tried to sleep. Unfortunately, things didn't ever seem to go her way, for as she paced her second time across the wall, images of a place for her to have some peace and quiet in her mind, another voice broke through her thoughts. She froze, looking over to see Theo Nott standing with books in his arms, eyebrows furrowed as he watched her pace. 

"Are you alright?" He asked tentatively as he walked towards her, dressed in dark grey trousers and a slytherin green knitted sweater, brunet hair falling in wild locks around his forehead. 

"What are you doing here?" She questioned sharply, eyes wide as a door suddenly appeared beside them. Theo's steps faltered as he almost dropped his book, green eyes wide and staring at the black door that just appeared out of thin air. 

"What in Salzar's name just happened?" He questioned turning to look at her, she opened her mouth to tell him to mind his own business just as she saw a light shadow amongst the walls around the corner. Wide eyed, she reached forward and clasped one of his wrists, her other hand moved around the knob to the door, swinging it open and quickly pushing him inside. She followed after him just as quickly, shutting the door quickly behind her as she pushed her back up against the black metal. Her eyes closed as she leaned her head back against the door, well, so much for being alone. 

Slowly, she opened her eyes expecting to see Theo staring at her. Instead, he was looking anywhere but at her. Drawing her eyebrows down, she turned her attention away from the brunet to the room. This time, instead of cushions, dueling dummies and bookcases of books, a fireplace stood in the middle of the room. Black couches sat around it, a red throw blanket around each with a small coffee table in between. The rest of the room was decorated with paintings of fruit, or snakes, a detail that made her eyebrow raise slightly. She sure as Merlin wouldn't ask for paintings of random fruit and snakes, idly, she turned to look at Theo who was staring at the room in both confusion and amazement. Green eyes wide and lips slightly parted, in the back of her mind, she had to agree that he looked cute. 

"What is this?" He asked finally as he looked over at her, his eyes glowing a sharper green, causing her breath to catch her in mouth as she remembered how his eyes glimmered that night in the kitchens. Cinnamon and spice waving around her like a drug, she wondered if she could get addicted to him. 

It was a thought she let banish from her mind as she moved away from him, moving towards one of the couches and sitting down on it. Her body angling towards the fire as she stared in the flickering flames. 

"Welcome to the Room of Requirement," she spoke finally, hearing footsteps move from the room, before finally she felt the couch dip beside her from his weight. She tucked her legs up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs as she watched him place his books on the table. "You don't have to stay, I just figured you wouldn't want to get caught," she added after a moment, catching his attention. 

"So you can keep this cozy little room all to yourself? Oh no, I don't think so Winnie," he teased, wagging a finger towards her as she cracked a small smile. Turning her gaze back to the fire and letting the warmth glow against her skin, her chin leaning against the top of her knee, bones sagging and eating away at her slowly. 

It was quiet for a moment, the sound of the crackling wood being the only sound in the room. Winnie would've thought it been awkward, sitting with him in the silence. She didn't usually like silence, always becoming uncomfortable when she sat too long with someone else. This, this, however, was different. She found that she actually didn't mind the silence, it almost calmed her mind away from the thoughts of what was to come. A picture of a man with sharp teeth became hazy, a picture of a boy who looked like Marcus and Cordelia grew hazy, leaving nothing but the fire in it. 

Everything will be alright. 

"Are you alright?" Theo asked quietly after a moment, his voice a soft whisper as she turned to look at him. Finding his gaze staring back at her intently, swaying her body and soul. 

"I'm fine," she replied quietly, turning her eyes away from him when it all became too much. Her fingers clenched tighter into a fist, stilling herself not to run away.

Run, run he'll break your heart. Or worse, you'll break his. 

"You don't have to lie to me," his voice came out a little louder this time, more sincere. She could imagine the tilt of his lips into a frown as she stared at the fire. "I don't think you're okay, I can see it." 

"What do you know? You don't know me," she argued defensively, keeping her gaze trained on the fire as she felt the coug dip beside her. The smell of Cinnamon and Spice moving around her like a blanket, draping her in its warmth and comfort like a drug. She could definitely get addicted to him. 

"Only because you won't let me know you," Theo observes softly, his voice closer to her now. Still, she didn't dare move her head to look at him. Instead, she pretended the fire was the most interesting thing in the world. Treating it like an anchor, training her to ledge as she walked one foot out. 

"There's not much to know," she shrugged, her arms tightened around her knees as she heard him chuckle from beside her. 

"Sketching is like a puzzle, it takes many steps to get the finish piece. You start out hopeful, buzzing with excitement thinking how easy it'll be. But then you hit a point where everything is frustrating, it's not working out the way you want. It becomes real, with layers of lines and emotions you can't just understand or finish. So you take a step back, look at it, and I mean really look at it, and you realize, despite all the mess and the thousand little lines, it's beautiful. Just not understood, not finished," Theo paused slightly, his voice floating around her like an envelope, trapping her in its sincerity. It made her heart clench painfully in her chest, choking her in a different way that made her wish to sob all the same. "You're like a sketch, most people would look at you and see hard lines, complications with the way you hold yourself. But I see something beautiful, something hidden and masked." 

Winnie's eyes stung slightly as she turned her gaze to look at him, her eyes moving over his face, looking for a lie, looking for his normal smirk and teasing attitude. Only to be meant with honesty, truth, pure emotion tore out in front of her. 

Run away, run away before this turns into something you can't turn back from. 

She tore her gaze away, staring at the fire once more as she chewed on her lip. Blinking furiously to force away the tears, she couldn't cry, this was too much, this was all too much. She couldn't, she couldn't look at him. She couldn't listen to a word he said, they were walking a thin line, pulling and tugging them while their hearts clenched painfully in their chest. She couldn't. 

But she would.

"I'm not a piece of art work you can fix," she whispered, her voice wavering as she bit down painfully on her lip, drawing blood into her mouth. Copper twisting with salvia and moving down her throat as orange flames danced across her gaze. Her breath caught in her throat as she felt Theo shift, his hand reaching out and touching the surface of her chin. Drawing her to face him, in a second her eyes squeezed shut, not trusting herself enough to look at him. 

Run. 

"Winnie, look at me," his voice whispered around hers, his fingers moving up to trace against her cheek in a soft gesture. "Look at me," he added again as she kept her eyes shut, this time his voice came out more forcefully, his fingers cupping her chin slightly as she snapped her eyes open. Green mixing with brown as she stared into his eyes. She felt her eyes sting once more, watching as his flickered over her face. "I don't think you need fixing, remember I said I would become your best friend?" 

You said you would make me love you. 

"You don't need fixing, I think you're bloody scary a good half the time," he joked as his lips pulled into a smile, his fingers leaving her skin as he kept his gaze on her own. "I know for a fact you could hex me a thousand different ways if you wanted to, which both turns me on and terrifies me," he finished with a wink, flashing her with his teeth as his lips curled into a smile. Her face felt hot as rolled her eyes, and there he was. 

"Be careful Nott, I might hex you right now if you aren't careful," she spoke, fighting off a grin as he laughed softly, his head leaning back against the black couch. 

"It'd be an honour to be hexed by you, love," he teased, winking once more as he sat up again, his knees close enough to her that if she let her legs come off her chest, they'd be touching. 

"You're a swott," she mumbled looking away once more towards the crackling fire. He hummed in agreement for a reply, leaving them in a silence once more that didn't feel uncomfortable, in fact, she welcomed it. She shifted slightly, letting her legs fall as she wrapped her arms around herself, ignoring the fact that their legs brushed against each other's. 

"Can I ask you something?" Winnie spoke after a moment, her gaze turning to him to see him staring at the fire. Orange light flicked across his face, making one of his glow while the other stayed hidden by the darkened room. "Why do you care so much?" She questioned softly, watching as his eyes moved to hers. Green flashing as his jaw clenched slightly, she noticed the way his leg brushed against hers once again, his fingers twitching as his eyes moving down to her lips for a split second. 

He does love you. 

Cordelia's words swam around in her head again, tearing her heart and causing her body to go stiff ever so slightly. She watched as he turned his gaze back to the fire, chewing on the inside of his cheek almost as if he was going over his words in his head. Her skin crawled uncomfortably, almost wishing she never asked the question in the first place. 

"Why shouldn't I care about you?" Theo questioned finally, looking back at her as she raised an eyebrow. "You care about others, Cordelia specifically. Why shouldn't someone care about you?" He finished, watching her silently, the air moving around them as Winnie's lips titled into a frown. 

Everything will be alright. 

"You're not what I expected Theo," her voice left as a whisper, a small smile titling up around her lips as he leaned her head back against the couch. "You're aren't a total wanker," she teased slightly, watching as he rolled his eyes, a small grin moving across his face. 

"No, you're a total wanker actually," he joked, causing Winnie to fake a gasp. A small laugh left her lips, her eyes closing as she turned her head towards the ceiling. Suddenly, feeling the weight of not sleeping hit her like a wave. 

"I take it back," she paused stifling a yawn as she kept her eyes close, choosing to allow herself to relax and not question the fact that she was finding herself in peace with the boy beside her. "You're a wanker," she finished, opening her eyes to look over at him, his face lying close to hers as he watched her closely. Green eyes glowing and tracing every inch of her face, she felt her face flush slightly his hand brushing against her own. She glanced down, looking down to see his finger trace against her own, catching her breath in her throat, she moved her hand an inch closer. Pretending to ignore the way her heart twisted inside of her as he moved his hand on top of her own, her fingers intertwining with his own. 

Her gaze moved back up to his own, finding them already trapped on her. Her head leaned back against the couch again, ignoring the warmth that moved across her face, watching as the flames crossed his own face. Illuminating the blush that kissed his own face, and for the first time in days, Winnie Buldstrode fell asleep without a care or worry in her mind. Her head falling back against his shoulder, while his head tilted to lay against her own. 

While a boy with raven curls awoke picturing a snake attacking someone he loved, sweat dripping from his hair and clinging to the surface of his t-shirt. Two teenagers fell asleep in the comfort of each other beside the fire, hands intertwined and heads touching as the world outside flipped into horrors that would await them in the morning. 

For now they existed together, a string glowing gold between them that connected them together, existing in their own comfort.


	15. XIII. be careful what you wish for

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winnie Buldstrode awakes to find not one, by two surprises

WHISPERS OF EXCITEMENT SWIRLED THROUGH the early mornings hours of Hogwarts, students packing their trunks for the returning of home during the holidays. Elves scurried through the kitchens, busing themselves over the last breakfast before most of the students left the comfort of the castle. Slytherin's in the dungeons whispered about their families, grinning and laughing about family parties they would attend. Hufflepuffs giggled and sang poorly to muggle songs, throwing clothes into their trunks. Ravenclaws ( already packed the night before ) took a break from their studies, instead played games quietly among themselves, outwitting one another with a wide grin. 

Inside the Gryffindor tower, there was an empty hole of missing students. A family of redhead's along with a certain raven haired boy had disappeared in the middle of the night, leaving in a frightened state of worries for a father. Leaving behind a pale, worried Muggleborn who had insisted on staying until the next day. All the while, her mind buzzed over worries for Arthur Weasley's state, and then worries for a certain blonde haired female who hadn't arrived in her dorm last night. 

Both Gryffindor and Slytherin students had noticed a missing part from their house, each bracing their own concerns for them. Because, as each student awoke in the comfort of their dormitories, Theodore Nott and Winnie Buldstrode were nowhere to be found. Instead, they laid deep within the castle walls, hidden in a room that changed depending on ones wishes. Their heads connected together throughout the night as their bodies intertwined, unknowingly welcoming the warmth and comfort neither one had in their life's 

While Hermione paced worried over her, Winnie Buldstrode slowly began to wake. Her eyes squeezing together tighter as she shoved her face into her pillow, a grumble leaving her lips. The slight shuffling of paper disturbed her further, seemingly believing it was Hermione awake and working on her homework so early in the morning. 

"Hermione, would you stop? Some of us like to sleep," Winnie grumbled under her breath, scrunching up her nose as her hand reached out towards her blanket. Only to come in contact with her clothes she wore yesterday, a blanket nowhere around her. 

"Sorry love, but I'm afraid Granger is nowhere around, but do keep scrunching up your nose like a rabbit. It's rather adorable," a voice that was very much not Hermione Granger's, swam around her ears, causing her hand to freeze as she opened her eyes. Blinking rapidly as a smirking Theodore Nott came into her view. Her body instantly jolted up into a sitting position, eyes wide as she stared at the male. 

"What the fuck?" She swore, blinking furiously as she looked around the room. Memories of pulling the male into the room with her the night before coming back into her memory, his words floating around her mind as she groaned. Placing a hand to her forehead as she fell back against the coach, "bloody fucking hell." 

"Good Morning to you too, such good manners you have," the male drawled as the female opened her eyes to stare up at the ceiling. Her lips pulled into a scowl as she pushed herself up again, narrowing her eyes at him. 

"What did you do?" She questioned sternly, pointing a finger at him, only for him to roll his eyes and swat her finger away. 

"I did nothing! You were the one who fell asleep first," he defended, copying her action by instead pointing a finger at her. 

"And you didn't wake me up?" She retorted, glaring her eyes at him as he rolled his eyes, closing the book he was reading and placing it on his lap. 

"I'm sorry, but you looked bloody well tired, and no offence," he paused, shooting her a look as she raised an eyebrow. "You look like the type of witch to cut off a man's prized jewels for waking her, and well, I kinda like my prized jewels." He finished by sending her a wink as she scowled, collecting her hair into a bun, not wanting people to see her with a tangled mess of hair. 

"And who's to say I won't cut them off right now?" She questioned, raising an eyebrow as she pointed her wand at him, watching as his green eyes flashed for a moment before he smirked. Theo placed a hand onto the book he was holding, before leaning closer to her, eyes flickering to her lips as she faltered for a moment. Clamping her mouth shut, noticing how his hair was stuck off in multiple directions from his sleep. 

"If you want to see me naked, all you gotta do is ask love," he clicked his tongue on the roof off his mouth, his lips twisting into a wicked smile as her eyes widened slightly. The smell of cinnamon and spice filling her senses, she almost let herself drown in him, because of course he still smelled heavenly in the mornings. 

Almost as if he could read her thoughts, his eyes flickered to her lips once more, causing her to instantly inch back from him. Her wand raised to lay in under his chin, inching his face upwards, as she leaned her face towards his. A smirk washed across her face as she watched his eyes widen slightly, a smirk coating across his lips as he titled his head. Smugly keeping the tip of her wand in under his chin, green eyes meeting her own as their noses brushed against each other's. 

"Theo," she mumbled, her breath ghosting over his lips as she pressed her wand into his skin harder. She ghosted her lips over his, feeling the way his breath hitched slightly before she smirked. "I don't want to be disappointed, sweetheart," she added before pulling away, taking her wand back from him as she stood up, the smirk staying wrapped around her lips as she tucked her wand back into the pocket of her trousers. She expected him to follow as she started to walk towards the entrance, only to have her steps being altered as a hand tightened around her wrist. Swinging her body around and colliding hard against another. 

A gasp left her lips, as her body pressed against his own. Theo's lips fastened into a smirk as his hand moved up her waist, coming to stop at her collarbone before moving to the base of her throat. Her breath hitched, eyes blown wide feeling his fingers move up her throat. His other hand staying wrapped tightly around her wrist, she swallowed thickly, watching as his lips pulled into a wider smirk, the palm of his hand laying against her throat. Her eyes staying glued onto his he leaned down closer to her. This time, his lips ghosting over hers, fingers squeezing slightly, sending a jolt through her body. 

"I promise you, nothing would be a disappointment," he whispered, grazing his lips over hers for a moment before he stepped away. His hands falling from her touch, simply moving around her and to the door. She stood frozen, replaying everything that happened over in her brain. A shiver ran down her spine, her fingers reaching to touch where his lips grazed over hers. Feeling heat pool in her stomach and flush across her face, she swallowed, twisting around on the heel of her foot. 

Her eyes narrowed, spotting him waiting for her by the door, running a hand through his hair and picking off imaginary dust off his shoulder. All the while, his mouth twisted into a yawn, looking up at the ceiling and tapping his foot as if he was bored. Bored! The bloody nerve of him, who did he think he was? Her skin crawled, nostrils flaring as she stared at him, she bloody well hated him. Nobody had ever done that to her... whatever the hell that was! 

"You are such an arse!" She snapped as she took off towards him, watching as he turned to look at her with a simple raise of an eyebrow. 

"Oh? And why is that?" He questioned smugly, his hand reaching forward to wrap around the doorknob, stopping her from being able to leave through the door. Winnie huffed, narrowing her eyes as she stared up at him, pointing her finger at him once more as she poked him in the chest. 

"You... you," she paused, twisting her lips into a sneer as his lips pulled into the same stupid grin he wore everyday. Her eyes flickered down to his lips, wishing to smack the look right off his face. Her skin prickled, remembering the way his breath washed over her lips, the way his had grazed her own. The memory caused her cheeks to flush and the sudden realization of what it would be like to kiss him. 

"I what?" Theo questioned suddenly, causing her to remember herself as she fluttered her eyes back up to his own. "Come on, we don't have all day love, there's a train we have to catch." All thoughts of kissing him vanished as she narrowed her eyes at him once more, that's right, she hated him. 

"You're so insufferable, honestly I can't stand you," she huffed, throwing her hands in the air just as he laughed, throwing her head back as if she said the funniest thing in the world. 

"And yet, you're somehow always around me, strange wouldn't you say?" He questioned slowly, raising an eyebrow as her mouth fell open, her eyes wide for a moment before she narrowed them once more. 

"Me always around you? You're the one who keeps showing up wherever I am!" She argued, twisting her lips into a sneer as he smirked, shrugging his shoulders. 

"Maybe," he paused, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth again before leaning down towards her again. Invading her personal space as she stepped back, her back hitting the wall allowing him to step towards her. "And yet, who was the one who came to me in Herbology and offered me her hand in friendship?" He questioned slowly as his eyes flickered over her face. 

She glared, raising her chin high in the air, refusing to stand down or do anything but stare right back at him. "We aren't friends Theo," she drawled, watching as his lips tilted upwards, his head shaking. 

"No we aren't, that's true," he replied slowly, staring back at her as she continued to glare at him. "But, I plan for us to be very good friends Winnie, it's just a matter of time." He added, keeping her back against the wall before he stepped away, his hand turning the door knob and opening the door. 

"We'll see," she replied curtly, stepping out into the hallway with her arms wrapped around herself, head raised high as she ignored the way her shoulder brushed against him as she walked passed him. 

"Oh Winnie," he called out to her as she continued to walk straight away from him, huffing in annoyance she turned her head to sharply look at him. Seeing the gleaming smile wrapped around his features, hands shoved in the pockets of his trousers. "Merry Christmas," he winked, before turning on his heel and leaving her alone in the hallway. She stood staring after him, lips twisted into a line, ignoring the slight absence she felt swirl around her at him being gone. 

No. It was Christmas break, she had much bigger problems than Theodore fucking Nott. 

—————

SHE WAS INSTANTLY HIT WITH A strong force as she stepped inside her dormitory, arms wrapping around her shoulders and causing her to tense. The smell of vanilla and honey swirled around her nose, wide curls tickling her nose and face as she numbly hugged Hermione back, stunned from the sudden embrace. 

"Where in Merlin where you? I thought something might've happened! Harry had this episode last night, and then he and the Weasley's are gone, I just—" Winnie quickly cut the girl off as she pushed her out of the embrace. hands wrapping around her upper arms as she narrowed her eyes at the girl. 

"What do you mean 'Harry had an episode'?" She questioned sternly, noticing the deep violet bags that hung in under Hermione's eyes, the way her lip seemed to be bleeding from constantly chewing on it. "And where are the Weasley's?" Winnie added quickly as the brunette's shoulder slumped slightly, pulling away from the blonde as she ran her hand through her curls, hissing as she snagged on a knot. 

Winnie sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. The holidays hadn't even started it, and she could already feel a migraine eating away at her brain. With Theo being a bloody brat that morning, ( she was still quite pied off at the idea of her wanting to kiss him, as if! ) and then Hermione acting like a paranoid hissy, she already wanted to roll over in a grave. 

"Here, let's sit and you can tell," Winnie instructed, reaching forward to place her hands on Hermione's shoulders only for the brunette to shake her head. 

"I can't sit still, I have to pace," the girl argued, pacing in the small area between the beds. Winnie noticed the empty places where Lavender and Paravti's trunks usually were. She suspected the girls hurried out of the room earlier that morning after seeing Hermione's current state. Deep down, the blonde couldn't blame them. 

"Well, you're giving me a bloody migraine watching you pace like that," Winnie snapped, narrowing her eyes at the brunette who narrowed her eyes right back at her. 

"Merlin, pace with me then," she argued, before continuing her pacing. The blonde's mouth fell open slightly, before she threw her hands in the air and began to pace in stride with Hermione. 

"I'm bloody pacing like a maniac, think you can tell me now?" Winnie suggested, looking over at the brunette as they turned to pace in another direction. 

"Something happened to Ron's father last night, and they all rushed home to be with him," Hermione explained quickly as Winnie's eyes fell open slightly, her fingers twisting her silver ring. 

"That's why you're pacing? Merlin, I thought it involved You-Know-Who," Winnie grumbled, stopping her pacing to fall back against the bed, her hands falling onto her face just as a pillow was thrown on her chest. "What the bloody hell? Hermione!" She shrieked, sitting up to find the brunette glaring at her. 

"A person was hurt!" Hermione argued, pointing a finger at her before she started pacing again. Winnie groaned, falling back against the bed as she placed the pillow over her face. She bloody well knew a person was hurt! She never said she didn't feel bad, of course she did! She wasn't completely heartless. "Besides, I never said it had nothing to do with Voldermort," Hermione added quickly as Winnie sat upright, the pillow toppling onto the floor as she flinched, cursing herself silently for doing so. She was probably meeting him soon, there was no use to flinch over it anymore. 

"Was he involved?" Winnie questioned sharply, her eyes moving as Hermione continued to pace. When the girl didn't answer, the blonde reached forward and swiped the pillow off the floor. Before flinging it at the girl, hitting her square in the head. 

"What?" Hermione questioned, turning to look at her dazed and clearly not hearing Winnie's last question. 

"Was he involved or not?" Winnie questioned again, rolling her eyes before she turned her attention to Hermione. Watching as the girl's face paled slightly as she suddenly adverted looking at her. "I'll take that as a yes," she sighed heavily, falling back on the bed again. It was silent for a few moments, before Hermione fell on the bed beside her. 

"I can't tell you what happened," Hermione mumbled quietly, Winnie's gaze turning towards her as her head fell onto the side of the bed. In hindsight, she supposed she should be angered by the fact she wasn't hearing everything, and yet, she wasn't. She wasn't friends with them, she never was one to hear all their little secrets. It was only really because of the pendant in under her shirt that tied her to them now, she chewed on the inside of her cheek slightly. Before heaving a sigh and sitting up, letting her feet hug the floor and walking towards her trunk. 

"Right well, I suspect we'll soon be leaving," Winnie observed as she clicked open her trunk. Rummaging through her packed clothes before landing in articles of fabric that she hoped her family would deem anything but appropriate. If she was going straight back into the snakes pit, she was going on style, at least her own style. She pulled a light blue pair of muggle jeans, grinning before pulling out a Gryffindor sweater. Her house logo sewn over the left side of her top, she stood, pulling off her current top, not caring much if Hermione saw her naked. Already knowing the brunette would turn her gaze away. 

"Are you going to tell me where you were last night?" Hermione questioned suddenly as Winnie's arms pulled the jumper over her head, slipping her arms through the knitted material. Her eyes widen slightly at the reminder that she had spent the night — by accident — with Theo. 

"I fell asleep in the Room of Requirement," Winnie replied curtly, shrugging as she shoved off her trousers as well as her undergarments. Slipping on a new pair before pulling on her jeans, zipping them up and buttoning them before turning to look at Hermione. Who had been staring at the ceiling still, her orange cat laying across her stomach. Winnie opted to leave out the part of Theo also being there, she didn't need anyone thinking there was something going on between them. Which, there most certainly wasn't!

"You could've been caught," Hermione frowned, turning her gaze to Winnie who had begun packing her trunk. The blonde snorted, clicking the wooden trunk close, choosing to leave her hair a wild mess of a ponytail. Knowing just how much her mother hated to see her hair a mess, it's too bad she didn't care. 

"And? I would've had another detention, which as we both know, I don't care much for that," Winnie grinned, winking over at the girl who rolled her eyes. The two girls lifted their trunks with their magic as they walked down the stairs to the common room. They placed the trunks against the entrance, knowing it'd disappear soon. Winnie sighed, pushing opening the door as the two started walking down towards the entrance hall, getting ready to board the carriages. 

"Do you have the pendant?" Hermione questioned suddenly as they walked through the doors, Winnie's eyes tilting towards her for a moment before she nodded. 

"Yep," she replied, popping the 'p', tapping her hand against her chest where the necklace lay. Her eyes moved across the courtyard, spotting her cousin walking towards a carriage. Instantly, Winnie grabbed Hermione's wrist and started walking quickly towards her. Ignoring Hermione's sudden yelp of protest, her feet carried them both towards the carriage Cordelia disappeared into. Just as Zacharias Smith appeared beside her, her head snapped to the side, as the blond walked quickly towards the carriage. "Oh bloody hell no," the girl muttered, picking up her pace, while still tugging Hermione behind her. 

Zacharias turned his head to the side, noticing Winnie hurrying towards the carriage, the blond's eyes widened, his legs picking up pace just as Winnie ran forward. Her hand latched around the handle and pulling herself up, her hand slipping from Hermione's as her body collided against someone else's in the carriage. She turned her head to glare at Zach who stood outside the carriage, Hermione mumbling an apology as she climbed into the carriage. 

"Leave Smith," Winnie sniffed, throwing her chin in the air before she turned and looked at who she fell against, only to be met with a whirl of mossy green. Her eyes widened as she instantly sat up, watching as Theo's lips pulled into a smirk. Winnie narrowed her eyes briefly at him before spotting Cordelia sitting across from her next to Hermione, "oh there you are." 

She quickly switched sides, moving in between Cordelia and Hermione, avoiding looking at Theo as the carriage moved forward. Hermione glared at her silently from beside her, as Winnie's lips titled downwards suddenly noticing she pulled her along in a run without her knowing and into a carriage full of Slytherins. She mouthed sorry to the brunette who simply rolled her eyes and sat with her back straight. 

"Do you know where Harry is?" Cordelia whispered from beside her, catching her cousin's attention as Winnie turned to look at her. Eyes flashing over towards everyone else in the carriage, her eyes only skimming over Theo who was in a conversation with Claire. 

"He left early last night, him and the Weasley family," Winnie explained, keeping her tone a silent whisper as she tilted her body towards her cousin. Watching as Cordelia frowned, nodding her head, chewing on the inside of her cheek as she glanced at her friends before back at her. 

"Do you know why?" Cordelia questioned quietly, titlining her head to the side as she angled her body towards her. Both of them attending to keep their conversation between them, as Winnie sighed, her head leaning back against the carriage for a moment. 

"Not really, I wasn't in the common room last night," she spoke before her brain could comprehend what she said. "Something about Weasley's father being harmed," Winnie added as she tilted her head to the side to look at Cordelia, who was staring at the floor. Her face pale, and her eyebrows drawn down together, for a minute Winnie thought she looked entirely too tired. Concern ran through her as she tilted her head downwards to look at her cousin, every lie and cover up running through her in that moment as she placed her hand gently down on her shoulder. 

"Cor? Is everything okay?" Winnie spoke gently, nudging her with her finger on her cheek as the girl continued to stare at the floor. 

"It's just weird, with everything going on with--" she paused, leaning back up in her seat to tilt her head over at Winnie, who was watching her with a married expression. Her eyes tracing her cousin's face with concern, realizing suddenly that this was the first conversation they had about their feelings all year. 

Lied and cover ups ruined them. 

"Yes?" Winnie questioned, raising an eyebrow as she eyed the rest of the people in the carriage, each unaware of the conversation between cousins. She watched as Cordelia's lips pulled into a line, eying her with blocked eyes. Cordelia's foot tapping against the floor, before finally she pulled her lips into an all too fake smile, Winnie's shoulders slumped in defeat. Knowing she lost the change of any truth between them, they buried too many things. 

"Wait," Cordelia paused, her voice louder now and catching everyone else's attention. Which wasn't hard, the carriage was small enough for people's knees to bump against the persons across from them. "Why weren't you at the Gryffindor Common room last night? Where were you?"

"Nowhere!" Winnie chipped too quickly, her voice an octave too high as she snapped her eyes to Theo, who's lips twisted up into a knowing smirk. 

"But I thought you said—"Hermione started, her brown eyes narrowed as turned to look at Winnie, but shutting her mouth as Winnie shot her a dark look. 

"Weird, cause Theo here said that he—," Claire started, her lips titled into a smirk as she eyed Winnie, whose skin suddenly felt like it was crawling. Bloody nosy arse Slytherins, all of them! 

"I didn't say anything," Theo cut Claire off, causing the girl to raise her eyebrow at him, but didn't say a word further. Winnie's fingers clasped tightly together then, her finger twisting her silver ring, as her eyes met with Theo's. His green eyes flashing as he offered her a small smile, before he turned his gaze away from hers. She turned her gaze to Cordelia, finding her cousin watching her with her lips twisted into a line, eyes watching her face carefully. 

"What?" Winnie questioned innocently, blinking as Cordelia narrowed her eyes at her for a brief moment. It wasn't a lie, it was really no one's business where she was, besides, she knew for a fact everyone would question her and assume things about her and Theo. It was the fact, however, that Theo had apparently said something about where he was all night that caused her skin to crawl. She turned her gaze to Theo, watching as he laughed lightly at something she wasn't paying attention to, his hair sat neatly against his head. Unlike the way he laid in a mess when he woke up, unlike the way it fell against his forehead as his lip brushed against hers.

Her cheeks flushed warm at the memory, forcing her gaze down to her hands as she stared at the ring she continued to twist. Suddenly wishing she was in another version of her personal hell, where the rooms were cold and her parents stared at her with distaste. She couldn't help but think that was far better than sitting beside a narrowed eyes cousin who Winnie had a feeling had put two and two together, a smirking git of a boy who was playing a game she didn't quite understand. Yes, anything would be better than this. 

But unfortunately, Winnie Buldstrode would come to regret that wish in the days to come. For hell awaited her at home.


	16. XIV. no harm will come here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: mentions of blood and death. slight mentions of abuse and implied abuse.

WHEN Winnie was a child, she believed her home to be the safest place on earth. It's where she was born, in the halls of the green tainted walls, black leather and fireplaces coating it with warmth. It's where she broke her wrist at four, when her father insisted for her and Millie to learn how to ride a broom ( he didn't have a son of his own to chase around with such things, the girls worked out just fine. ) It's where she would have nightmares created by stories told in the light of day, where her mother would smooth her hair back and kiss her gently. Whispering words of comfort while tiny tears kissed the apples of her cheeks. 

It's just a dream. 

You're safe. 

No harm will come to you here. 

Many times in her life, she wished for that comfort. She would stare at her mother, missing the smiling comfort and the gentle touch of her hands against her cheeks. She missed the way her mother would comb through her hair, telling her of ways she would help dress her for balls, telling her ways she would help teach her everything she had to know for Hogwarts. 

Imogen Buldstrode only looked at her with disdain now. 

It's the very same look she was giving her daughter now as they stood in the main dining area. Everytime the Bulstrode siblings came home, the family would greet each other in the dining area. A small feast prepared by the house elves as they conversed over the events that took place over the months they were gone, which more or less meant Imogen and Elijah got a free pass to point out Winnie's failure. 

As if they didn't take every chance they had to do so anyway. 

"Mother, Father, lovely to see you again," Millie beamed, her face wide with a smile as the siblings walked in through the opened doors. Millie's heels clicking against the stone floors, arms outstretched to greet her parents. They had arrived through the floo network at the train station-- their family couldn't be bothered to greet them. 

A fact Winnie couldn't be more happy to know, she didn't know if she could publically deal with her family's hate towards her. At least at home she could hide it away. 

Winnie blankly rolled her eyes at her sisters overly happy words, her voice fair to chipper and sweet. It caused her molars to grind together in her mouth, a fact that she knew her parents would tsk her on if they heard. Luckily, their attention was still on their favourite daughter. 

Her head leaned against the door frame, arms pulled to rest across her chest. She lifted one hand up to her face, grinning slightly at the fact her nails were chewed and chipped beyond repair, so different from the way her sister's was always painted and sharpened to perfection.

Not that there was anything wrong with it, her parents just loved it all too much for her taste. 

"We heard you're a part of Umbridge's special club, we're so proud of you," Imogen's voice beamed, her voice a twist of honey and chalk. Scraping against Winnie ears and causing her skin to crawl. 

"She's a brilliant Ministry worker, it's about time they change things at Hogwarts," Elijah added in her, her fathers voice added in on the conversation that Winnie was pointedly left out of. Nobody had even spoken a word to her since she entered the Manor, her sister had simply flickered her blonde curls over her shoulder and walked towards their parents with a head full of air. 

Winnie scuffed slightly, picking at her nails as she rolled her eyes. "Yeah she's a peach," she muttered, placing her hand back on her arm and she leaned her head back against the door frame. Suddenly wishing she didn't take granted the silence that she existed in with Hermione in their train cart. Even if the brunette kept looking at her every five minutes with anxiety and pity, it was better than this. 

"Oh, what do you want?" Imogen's voice twisted from honey and straight chalk, scraping against her skin harder as her words were adjusted towards Winnie now. The blonde looked up, her eyes meeting her mother's, desperately wishing to see the warmth that once was there, the calming flicker she would receive when nightmares ate away at her dreams. Instead, she was greeted with bitterness, blue eyes dark like a storm, uninviting and unforgiving. 

Winnie picked to ignore the heartache that slivered through her, picked to ignore the fact her mother was now a stranger. 

"Hello to you too Mother, nice to see you. Kill any dreams lately?" She questioned, smiling falsely, ignoring the glare her mother emitted towards her. All of which she saw before. Her gaze turned towards her father then, standing tall and straight with his wizarding cloak draped over his shoulders. Dirty blonde hair running in curls, as his eyes staring uncaring at her. Almost as if she could fall to the ground in a heap of blood in front of him, and he couldn't care to lift a finger. 

She couldn't decide if anger was better than not caring, at least her mother felt something. 

"Father," Winnie added, nodding her head towards him, and for every reason that went against her, she stood taller. She suspected it had something to do with the way he held himself, completely forgetting that he was her blood. She wanted him to remember, wanted him to remember that she was his as well. 

"You look filthy," her mothers nose twitched in disgust, eyes narrowed like knives as Winnie sighed. 

"Really? And I tried so hard," she finished with a tilt of her lips, raising a hand to wipe a fake tear away before she walked towards the table. Taking a seat, ignoring the glares from her parents and the frown from her sister. 

"She's been hanging out with the mudblood more, seems fit that she looks like a state," Millie sniffed, taking a seat across from Winnie and placing a neatly folded napkin across her lap. Winnie wished to throw one of her many spoons at her head, wanting to hear if bounce off her arse kissing forehead. 

"She's a person, and she's quite brilliant," Winnie defended, her chin high as she stared at her sister, who simply rolled her eyes. 

"I think Hippogriff's are brilliant but you don't see me spending time with them," Millie drawled under her breath, loud enough to travel across the table and towards Winnie. Who was currently placing a piece of chicken on her plate, carrots and peas always taking him half of the silver dish. 

"Yes well, you look like you could be a Hippogriff," Winnie retorted, shoving a piece of chicken in her mouth as her sister's eyes darted towards her, glaring at her like she killed her cat. 

"Winnie! Apologize to your sister," her mother screeched, eyes wide and hands wrapped around her silverware as she stared widely at her. Winnie's eyes rolling as he sat back in her chair, tapping her mouth with her napkin and looking pointedly at her sister. 

"I'm sorry," she paused, watching as Millie sniffed, raising her chin in the air with a self satisfied smile. "Sorry that nobody told you that you look like Merlin's saggy ba-"

"Enough!" Her father's voice boomed around the room, causing Winnie's lips to pause mid sentence. Hands tightly clasping together under the table, as her vision twisted towards her father's dark brown eyes. Scorching her with distaste, before he placed his fork and knife down on his napkins. Winnie's shoulders squared as her father pushed back his chair, loud screeching running through the hall, she could already hear her mother's words of hysteria over her floor. 

Elijah Buldstrode was a man of six feet and two inches, towering over the members of his family without a care. Hands twisted with rings, and brown eyes twisted with so much heat it could burn your skin straight off your bones. He was the eldest child of the late Bulstrode family, second being his sister Emilia Buldstrode, now a Flint by name, Cordelia's mother. Lastly, being Elliott Buldstrode, who had the awful habit of thinking with his junk rather than his mind. 

There used to be a rumour that Elijah Buldstrode was responsible for a series of disappearances when he was younger, all people who displeased him. It was rubbed off as nothing but rumour, but Winnie Buldstrode would always believe it was slightly true. Her father always had a way of making the bravest people feel like they were a coward. 

Winnie's jaw tensed, her eyes staring straight at the point on her sister's shoulder. If she managed to flicker her eyes up to Millie's face, she wouldn't see the slight fear that trickled through her face for her sister. But it vanished just as quickly as it was there. 

"Winifred," her fathers voice was as hot as boiling water, sending her skin crawling as one of his hands came up to rest on her shoulder. She shifted, clutching her hands tighter, enough to cause a slight pop to suffice through the room, caused by the pressing of her ring to her fingers. His hand trailed up the side of her neck, coming to stop at her chin before his bong fingers gripped her chin tightly. Swiftly turning her face towards him, she grimaced at the harsh movement of it all, ignoring the pain that emitted through her neck. 

It's just a dream. 

You're safe. 

No harm will come to you here. 

"We allow you to live here, allow you to eat the food prepared, allow you to sleep comfortably without a care, allow you to prance around like a halfbreed at school, and how do you repay us?" He questioned lowly, brown eyes staring back into ones that matched his own. She felt the curve of his nails dig into the skin of her chin, causing pain to shoot through her face. She ignored the stinging behind her eyes, not giving him the satisfaction to see her cry. "You treat us like dogs, you call your sister vile names when we both know she's better than you." He spat, nostrils flaring as he stared daggers at her eyes. Her neck strained against the hold, twisting in a way that would leave knots and uncomfort shooting through it for days. 

"I'm sorry, I'll do better," and she wouldn't. Not really, she couldn't be better for them. She couldn't be enough for them, she was never enough. But the fear of her fathers vile words and harsh grip made her lie as easily as it was to breath. 

It's just a dream. 

You're safe. 

No harm will come to you here. 

His fingers dug into her skin too tightly then, causing her to let a sharp cry of pain as his hand left her face. Only to push her harshly towards the front of the table, her eyes squeezing shut as the wood hit her square in the chest. Her fingers clenching together as she bit down sharply on her lip, not wishing to let out another wail of pain. Despite the fact that her chest heaved sharply, despite the fact that her chest was burning with pain, taking over her blood stream and causing a haggard breath to leave her glaring nostrils. 

He could burn you indeed. 

"We have a special surprise tomorrow," Elijah started calmly, as if he didn't just regard his flesh and blood as nothing more than a piece of meat. "Your cousin Marcus and Carlton will join us for it." She heard the shuffle of a chair being pushed into the table again, resuming dinner as if it was never interrupted. 

Not wishing to anger her father further, she pushed her back up against her chair. Fingers unclenching painfully, as she lifted her hand to her fork. Stabbing a piece of chicken softly and stuffing it into her mouth, grimacing slightly at the pain that shot through her mouth every time she chewed. The pain that heaved through her aching chest every time she swallowed, her heart pounded loudly in her ears, while her brown eyes stayed glued to her plate. Suddenly wishing she lift her hair down rather than up, wishing it to cover her like a curtain, to keep her safe from the nightmare. 

It's just a dream. 

You're safe. 

No harm will come to you here. 

"Yes, you'll find your best dresses laid out on your beds girls. We expect you to wear them and be neatly done and cleaned by one o'clock tomorrow, no later," her mother announced, dapping at her lips gently as she eyed her food. Winnie turned her gaze towards her, brown eyes full of fear and anger, willing her mother to look at her. Willing her to protect her from the dreams like she used to, to offer her a hand of comfort. 

But Winnie's nightmare was her real life, she would never get out of it. 

It's just a dream. 

You're safe. 

No harm will come to you here. 

"What is it mother?" Millie asked, her voice wavering slightly as she avoided looking at her sister, who's eyes now faded towards her. Winnie's eyes drew to a line, lips pulling downwards as she swallowed the food in her mouth. The sudden events that were happening around her caught up to her then, causing her mouth to run dry and her hands to begin to shake. The pendant on her chest felt too heavy then, sagging down her neck and begging her to use it. 

Maybe she should, maybe it would all end if she disappeared in a whisk of movement. Maybe she could wake up from her nightmare, but she knew she couldn't. The nightmare would come back, she had to wait, had to wait for a hand to be outstretched through the dark. 

"We've been chosen for the better good, dear daughter," Elijah smiled, his eyes on Millie who's face broke out into a smile. Winnie's stomach whirled, feeling as if she would throw up every piece of food she had eaten that day. Her fingers shook slightly as she lifted up a glass of water to her lips, staring blankly at the window facing her, watching as snow swirled up around them. She wondered briefly if a storm was calling them, it would make sense if it was. "The Dark Lord calls upon us all."

It's just a dream. 

You're safe. 

No harm will come to you here. 

Winnie Buldstrode returned to her room fifteen minutes later, her hands shaking and her heart pounding in her ears. She walked straight past the green dress laid upon her bed, straight past her boom shelves, straight past the wide windows that she spent many of her days staring out of, wishing she was anywhere but here. Her feet carried her to the bathroom, swinging opening the door and allowing it to shut with a slam behind her. 

Winnie Buldstrode tried not to make it a habit of crying. She had cried back when she found out her grandfather died, when she didn't understand why her parents turned their backs on her. She had cried again in third year, when her parents hate vested so strongly in her she could not hold it in anymore. A third time this year, when a boy with mossy eyes burrowed his way in her heart and touched her cheek with a gentleness as she hadn't had in so many years. A fourth time, when a mix up of letters greeted her and she found herself falling down a rabbit hole of what if's. Finally, a fifth, when her chin was marked with half moon nails marks, breaking through skin and glistening red. When her chest heaved, begging for air despite the fact it burned with the aftermath of smacking against wood. 

When her fingers shook and her lips trembled, when she fell helplessly to her knees. Her body curling in on itself, arms wrapping around her knees and a hand covering her own lips. Trying to block out the loud sobs of fear and despair, the loneliness that circled in her heart as she rocked herself, alone. Nightmares swirling around her with greedy hands and smirking lips. 

It's just a dream. 

You're safe. 

No harm will come to you here. 

——————

THERE was a certain air that surrounded you when you wore fine silks, it touched your skin as if you were made from the hands of gods. Covering you in honey and giving you armour that never faltered. It made you feel tall, like you could enter a room with the most beautiful people and still feel as if you were a sight to see. 

It's how Winnie Buldstrode wished she looked as she stood with her hands smoothing down the green skirt of her dress. Her brown eyes were sunken, burrowed deep with violet shadows under her eyes. She hadn't slept the night before, she had stayed curled up into a ball on the bathroom floor until early mornings hours. She hadn't even realized, really, that she stayed there for so long. Tears had choked her dry, leaving her lips chapped and tears hard with dried tears. Her face pressed against the cold stone as her fingers wrapped tightly around the pendant. 

She could use it, she thought. She could disappear forever and never return. But it wasn't enough, it wasn't enough to will her leave. They gave her a way out, but the fear that pooled itself into her soul made her as cowardly as a snake. Fear that Harry and Hermione could be harmed, fear that they would fine her. Fear that if she showed up so suddenly, they would accuse her of wasting it. 

Maybe they needed to know what he was like, how he held himself. She didn't realize that they already knew, more than she ever did. 

So she stayed, turning herself into a shell of who she was. She had found herself wishing to be around a bit with brunette hair as she fastened her own curls behind her head in a green ribbon. She found she missed the comfort he offered her, the simplicity of simply existing around someone who didn't expect anything of her. Who didn't ask her questions she couldn't answer, who didn't push her. She found herself missing Theodore Nott more than she would ever care to admit. 

She put thoughts of him out of her mind, however, stilling herself to think of nothing but a blank coldness. Her eyes watching as dark clouds rolled over the skies above, it seemed a storm had greeted them. As if the gods above knew of the terrors that would take place that day, and had taken their anger out of the world. Her fingers reached forward, tracing a small smiley face into the window, her body leaning against the wall in her room, trying to cover herself from the fear of being caught from the small bubble of light she created for herself despite the looming nightmare that surrounded her. 

She could see the tree she would climb as a child, the tree that stood taller than the hedges, taller than the forest, separate from any demons and world that surrounded it. It was Winnie's favourite tree, favourite place to run and hide, to pretend she wasn't anyone important. That her life simply existed to watch muggles in their everyday life, she wished for their type of freedom. An action she finds herself still wishing to this day, she may be a lion, but she was never free of the snakes. 

It's just a dream. 

You're safe. 

No harm will come to you here. 

A knock ran around her room, causing her body to stiffen, eyes squeezing shut as she tried to brace herself for the words that she knew would come. Expect, they never did. She was only greeted with footsteps walking through her room, towards her where she stood beside the windows, beside the looking bookcase she hadn't touched. She didn't dare turn around to look at who it was, she kept her eyes trained on the same tree now, wishing for its escape. 

"Cousin," Marcus Flint's voice trailed around her, causing her shoulders to relax in a way she never did around him. They may never stand on common ground, but for that moment, Winnie took comfort in knowing he meant no harm to her. She turned her gaze to him, seeing his hair gelled back in a way that screamed Malfoy in his first year. She wrinkled her nose at the thought, choosing to look back at the tree instead. "What happened to your chin?" 

Winnie blinked, stunned for a moment before she reached her hand up to her chin. Feeling the half crescent moon marks embedded in her skin, something she could've heeled rather correctly, except, her parents didn't allow her to do such things. A price for being a disappointment. 

"A welcome home present," Winnie retorted, her hand leaving her chin as she continued to stare out the window. Marcus was quiet after that, out of the corner of her eye she could see him watching her, dark eyes staring at her with his lips pressed to a frown. She shifted in under the weight of his stare, her heeled feet clicking against the floor. "Does Cordelia know?" She questioned finally, breaking the silence, as she turned to look at him, watching as his lips pressed to a frown. 

"No," he replied quickly, this time, he turned and looked out the window. Situations reversing as she studied him, another common ground breached in under their feet. Their lies to Cordelia Flint piled up on top of each other, she could only wonder who's pile would fall first. 

A sharp crack emitted through the air, causing Winnie to swiftly turn around, Marcus following suit as they stared at a small house elf. Tillie, by rights, with a pink pillowcase over her small body. 

"Tillie is to tell Miss and Mister that it's time, they must come down right now Tillie say," a with a crack, they are left alone. The air swirling around them, all too thick and suffocating as Winnie's hands begun to shake once more. Her breath coming out heavily as she stared at the empty spot where the house elf was. It's time. 

It's just a dream. 

You're safe. 

No harm will come to you here. 

Her eyes shot open as she felt a hand wrap around her wrist, the long sleeves she swore fell in wide holes at her shoulders, acting like a cape more than a sleeve. She looked down to her wrist, seeing Marcus's hands gripping them tightly. "You need to breathe Winnie, this is not a time to be weak," Marcus advised, eyes hard as stone as she turned her attention towards him. 

"I'm not weak!" She argued, eyes narrowing as he rolled his eyes. Her wrist tearing from his hands, as he held out his arm for her to take. 

"Yeah, yeah alright. You're a scary lion, doesn't mean you can't be afraid," Marcus spoke sternly, arm still outstretched as she stood clenching her hands into fist. "You just can't show that right now. It's time to be smart not stupid," he added, turning his head downwards as she pressed her lips into a line. Before she swiftly moved forward, laying her hand in the crook of his elbow. 

"Why are you here? We don't like each other much, we only share Cordelia as a common ground," she spoke, keeping her eyes straight ahead as they walked out of her room.

"Yes well, Cordelia would want me here," Marcus replied nonchalantly, their feet clicking as they walked down the staircase. Winnie's skin crawling, her hand squeezed the skin on his arm tighter as they neared the dining hall. Whether he minded that she did so, he didn't say anything. She eyed him at the corner of her eye, deciding then that his answer was enough for her. Cordelia Flint was someone they both cared for deeply, and by default, each other. 

"Thank you," she whispered, keeping her gaze trained on the front of him. His hand reached up, laying on top of hers as he squeezed her fingers tightly before dropping his hand again. She didn't get to say anything further, for they reached the doors, allowing to swing open slowly. Her heart pounded loudly in her ears, fingers turning white as she squeezed his arm, pulling any bravery she had in her to the front as she walked with her head held high. 

And as her eyes saw seering red staring at her through beady eyes, she knew the real nightmare hadn't even started. 

It's just a dream. 

You're safe. 

No harm will come to you here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi loves <3 next update will come 02/24/21 !!


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